Frisson (Diabolik lovers)

XXX. The future we know

"I'm telling you, I'm fine." I crossed my arms and leaned back into the soft armchair, scoffing at the ridiculous question.
"Had no panic attacks recently?" My therapist smiled with that all knowing smirk of hers. It's true that during my first few visits I was a complete mess but it's already been five years since then, I was doing quite alright.

"Well, maybe one or two but everything's manageable." 
"What triggered them?" She was looking at me with her notes right next to her. The office was small but cosy. There were a few abstract paintings on the walls that I once had to analyse for her. There were two grey soft armchairs: one for my therapist and one for her clients. A fluffy grey carpet was also quite a nice touch to make people feel at least a little bit more comfy while spilling their most painful trauma to a complete stranger. The black coffee table wasn't big, but it was enough to fit a few necessities like notes and a box of tissues. The first time I was brought here everything felt so unnerving and strange. Yet, over time, this very atmosphere was bringing me some sort of comfort. 

"What triggered what?" If I acted dumb maybe she wouldn't try to dig up yet another thing from my past. I know - it's her job and all. She's truly helped me over these past few ears, but today was simply a bad day that I didn't want to talk about.
"I understand why you might not want to get deeper into certain things and it's your right not to, but you're here for a reason. We can change the subject for now but we'll have to talk about it eventually. Something's bothering you right now." Her eyes were looking at me with gentle empathy. 

"I feel like... He's hiding something from me..." I looked down at my fingers that were fidgeting with my ring.
"You mean Reiji?" 
"Yeah... I just got this feeling again that... you know... Something wasn't right..." We've been living together ever since that day when I found out about my mother. It was really hard to forgive him at first, but I just couldn't bring myself to hate him. He lied, deceived me and used me... But he also saved me and the company that my mother cherished so much. 

"And you feel like it's happening again?"
"Yeah... When I was living with that family I wrote off all the bad feelings to my anxiety and everything turned out to be real. Now I can't shake off this feeling that Reiji is hiding something from me. I asked him about it but he assured me that nothing was wrong." I took a deep breath feeling how it was harder to breathe over the upcoming emotions. This lady knew everything about what happened... Well except for the vampire parts... And the parts where I was almost killed. Okay, there's a lot I didn't tell her, but not like she would've believed me. 

"Maybe actually nothing is wrong? You're one unlucky girl to have your anxiety induced fears come true. Those fears weren't based on anything at the time. It was one cruel coincidence."
"I know but... It's really hard... He's been coming back home a bit later than usual. It's just weird." I tried to focus on the way bundles of carpet hair were falling on my shoes.
"Ask him again. It won't hurt either of you."
"But... What if he's cheating on me..?"
"And you would want to live with a cheater why?" I didn't look up at her but I could see her 'I take no shit, neither should you' look on her face in my mind.
"Okay, you have a point." I sighed. 

"As painful as it'd be - knowing the truth is better than slowly drowning in the misery of the unknown. And your meds aren't helping that much... When's the next visit to your psychiatrist?"
"Next week." I had regular visits for my meds. This visit went on for a bit longer. We talked a bit more, she was teaching me some new methods how to deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety in general. The first few months after we left the Sakamaki mansion I kept on having panic attacks and night terrors on daily basis. Nothing Reiji did was helping me so one day he pulled me into this office as the last resort he could think of. I honestly didn't want to come, but it has helped me a lot to deal with everything.