[Ereri] The Screams that Saved my Sanity

36-Choices

-Mikasa's POV-

After I left Eren I went back to my apartment. I didn't know what to do.
When I found him tonight he looked awful.
Awful.
He looked sick and he was very skinny. It was obvious he wasn't taking care of himself. Because of what I did he's like this now. I did this to him.
How do I help him? How can I take away his pain? How do I make him better?
I thought about it as I laid in my bed-still fully clothed.
Even though I'm the cause of this mess with Eren, I'm not the cause of Eren's depression and sadness. He's not sad for me, he's sad for him.
Levi.
If Levi was still here he wouldn't be like this. He wouldn't look like a single breeze could knock him over.
He would be happy.
The only problem with these thoughts were that Levi wasn't here.
Levi wasn't out of jail.
Levi isn't with Eren and he won't be for the next two and a half years.
There's nothing he, Eren, or I can do.

So what can I do?

The next morning I woke up and got into my car. I drove for awhile until I reached the prison where Levi was currently being held. It wasn't the nicest prison but it wasn't exactly a dump. I went through all of the security measures and found someone to help me.

"Hello, my name is Mikasa Jaeger, I would like to visit a prisoner."
The officer slid his glasses down the bridge of his nose and looked at me directly, "Name of the prisoner?"
"Levi Ackerman."
He walked over to the side and looked at a price of paper. Then he took out his walkie talkie and spoke into it. He walked back to me and rested his and hand on his belt, "Right this way, Miss."

He led me to another room with several panels and windows. The officer directed me to one of them and I sat down and waited for Levi.
I waited for about ten minutes when I finally saw him being escorted to the other side of the window.
He was wearing an orange jump suit and he had his hands in handcuffs in front of him. When he looked at me I could see the anger in his eyes.
I could see his hate for me.

The cop left and it was just him I. Levi sat down and just stared at me for a moment with no emotion. Then he grabbed the phone off the wall and put it to his ear. I did the same.
"What are you doing here?" He didn't sound very happy to see me.
I sighed, "I came here for a few reasons but first I would like to apologize."
"What?" I didn't look like he believed me.
"I'm sorry...for what happened...I was wrong I see that now. I'm sorry for putting you in prison. You aren't just any criminal."
He clenched his fist and tightened his grip on the phone, "You think I'm mad because of that? You think that I hate you because you put me here? Do you think I'm furious because I finally got what I deserve? I don't care about what happens to me. I had this coming." He looked away for a moment before locking eyes with me again, "I'm pissed because of what you did to Eren. What the hell is wrong with you? You're his sister."

I looked away in shame, "I know and you're right. I was just scared for him...I didn't want him hurt. I'm sorry for what I did. I know it's my fault. The way Eren is right now is my fault." His eyes widened in surprise he tilted his head slightly at me, "What do you mean? What's wrong with Eren?" I furrowed my brows.
There must be something you can do.
"That's the other reason why I came here today. Eren...Eren is in pretty bad shape...I went to apologize to him yesterday and I found him lying on the ground in the bathroom looking like he might pass out at any moment." I looked at him for a moment. He looked worried. Very worried. It reminded me a little of myself.
"...He was skinny and pale. He had a monstrous fever and he had been throwing up...he hasn't slept at all either. He's...he's also been getting threats..."
"What?! From who?!"
"The people that you...attacked," I told him. With those words I saw the color completely flush from his face. He looked an unhealthy shade of white. Almost like a ghost.
Almost like Eren.
"H-he's getting threats..."
I scooted closer to the glass, "There has to be something you can do! He's miserable and he won't let me help him! I tried to take him to the hospital but he insist that he's fine or he doesn't care! He...he's miserable...without you...and I don't know how to fix it."
He took a few shaky breaths in.
"I-I don't know...this is my fault...what do I do?" I could see his eyes starting to water. He had his hands covering his face and gripping his hair.
"Levi...Eren loves you...that's why he's like this," I took a breath in, "I think...I think this entire prison thing is too stressful for him...it's affecting him ...physically and mentally." When I looked up at him I knew he understood what I was saying. He stared blankly into space with his hand over his mouth as I continued, "The people you attacked will keep threatening him...I'm scared that he could get really hurt or worse. I can't always be there...he won't let me...I'm afraid my brother will get hurt again...but this time by someone who wants to hurt him. You-"

"You want me to end things with him so they will stop going after Eren," he finished still staring off into oblivion.
I'm sorry.
I nodded my head.
For a while he just sat there gazing into nothingness. I watched him as he ran his finger along the phone in his hand. Then he rubbed his face and looked at me again, "I understand...this...this will be better for him...he'll be safer..."
"I'm so sorry you have to do this...but I think this would be the best option." He nodded and I started to get up to leave.
"Mikasa."
I turned my head around, "Yeah?"
He bent his head downward and I could see his sad eyes."Do...do you think that Eren will still love me...when I get out?" He said very softly. I stopped and looked into his intense eyes. Something about his presence made me feel calmer.
"I don't know. I really don't." Right before I took the phone from my ear away again he called for me, "Wait, one more thing."
I turned my head, "Yeah?"
"Why did you do it? I know you wanted to protect him but why do all this? Why hurt him like this?"

I stopped.

Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why did I do this?
How could I do this?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
He hates me now but I have to keep him safe.
I have to.

"Like I said...he's my brother. He's my everything. He's kind and sweet. Whenever I erupt in anger he's always there to calm me down. He can be stubborn at times, but he is also so loving. He just made some bad choices. I just wanted to keep him safe but...but I think a part of me was...scared of losing him, my kind and good-hearted brother, to....you."
He stared at me blankly.
I put down the phone and started to walk towards the door. Once I got outside I whispered to myself, "He's the kind of person I can never be."

A/N

Yo
I won't be able to updated probably more than once a week now because of school.
Sigh.
School's giving me a headache.
Thanks for reading.
Peace out.