[Ereri] The Screams that Saved my Sanity

35-Hurt, Broken, Shattered, Loved

-Eren's POV-

I laid beside the toilet in the dark room. Carefully I brushed my hands along the cool tile floor. It seemed like just the other day I was watching as Levi expertly picked up each and every piece of glass off the floor. He never told me why the broken pieces of the mirror were scattered there.
I never asked.

I looked up towards the shattered mirror. Only a few pieces of glass remained along the edges. Not a trace of blood was left on them.
Not anymore.
From where I was sitting on the floor a could just manage to see my face in one of the shards on the corner. My face was pale and my eyes had dark circles around them. They were rubbed raw and my hair was messier than normal. Even I could admit that I wasn't in the best of shape.

As I stared endlessly at the broken mirror I heard a quiet knock on the front door. I ignored it-too lost in my own daze.
The person knocked again this time slightly louder, but still shy. I shook my head from my trance and stared blankly in the general direction of the front door.
"Whoever you are, go away!" I snapped, "I have a telephone and I'll call the police!" I turned my head towards the mirror again and tried to forget about whatever might be beyond the door.
I suddenly heard quiet footsteps making their way towards me.
I made an attempt to stand up but failed. Once again I slumped on the ground with one arm resting on the toilet seat. I could barely lift my head up. I sighed in defeat and waited for what was to come next.

The footsteps came closer, and closer, until I managed to make out a figure of a person in the doorway of the bathroom. They stared for a moment before quickly coming towards me and getting down on their knees. They put a hand on my shoulder and gently lifted my head up to look at them.
"Eren! Are you okay?!" Mikasa said with the same concern in her voice she always has when speaking to me.
I didn't answer.
She lifted her hand from my shoulder and felt my head. She lifted my eyelids slightly and looked underneath them before pulling me towards her. She grabbed me and carried my limp body to Levi's bed. Then she ran out of the room.
"W-what's...w-what's going...on..."I said still not aware of much. She returned with a glass of water and a wet towel. With delicate fingers she placed the cool towel on my head.
"It's okay Eren...you're going to be fine...I promise."
I looked at her for a moment before remembering all that has happened.
All that she did to me.
All that she did to Levi.
What she did to us.
"I...I don't want to see you..." I choked out.

She removed the towel from my head and placed it in a bowl of water on the bedside. She twisted it and placed it back on my head. "I know...but please...please let me help you..."
a few minutes later she had come back with an extra blanket.
"How did you...get in?" I asked slurring my words because of the thermometer in my mouth.
"You didn't lock the door...again."
Dammit. Not again.
"Oh..."
She grabbed a chair from the kitchen and sat by my bedside. I didn't speak much as she found and cooked some soup and fed it to me. Once I finished it she carefully placed the bowl down and looked at me with shimmering eyes.
"Eren...the reason I came here in the first place...I know you don't want to see me but...I just...I needed to say sorry to you." She tried to reach for my hand but I used the little strength I had to pull it away. She slowly put her hands back in her lap and avoided looking into my eyes. "I'm so...so sorry...Eren. I was just so scared. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want you hurt...." tears began to roll down her face.

"You are all I have left...you're my little brother...I have t-to protect you, but I was wrong...what I did was wrong. Instead of protecting you I ended up hurting you. I made everything w-worse. I should have been protecting you from myself!" Now her head was down and I watched as a wave of tears fell from her eyes. I gently lifted her head so her eyes met mine, "Mikasa...please don't cry..."
More tears streamed down her face and I could see her teeth starting to chatter. "I didn't want him to hurt you! I don't want anyone to hurt you! I...I don't want to hurt you...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you...both of you."
I looked into her swollen eyes and I felt a few tears escape mine as well.
Mikasa...you're so damn crazy and overprotective.

I grabbed her and embraced her, "What you did was unacceptable...and it hurt me...it still hurts me. It hurts me so much, but...you're my sister...I'll always forgive you. I love you." She continued to sob in my shoulder whispering a thousand 'sorry's' and 'I love you's'. When we pulled away I wiped some of her tears away with my hand. She started to compose herself. Then she closed her eyes for a moment and we sat in silence.
When she opened them she looked more calm, "Eren I know you love him. I believe it. I even believe that he isn't hurting you anymore. But, Eren, you can't live like this. Y-you look terrible. This...this isn't healthy...you need a doctor."

I shifted away from her, "I'm fine." She grabbed my shoulder and forced me to shift back. "No you're not. You need some serious help. This isn't just affecting you physically. You need mental help to, Eren. This isn't good. Have you even thought about the possibility that you're depressed? We need to get you help, now." Mikasa looked at me worried and stressed.
"I don't give a shit about me. Who cares? Not me! Definitely not me!" I said loudly.
"I care! I care and Armin cares and your friends care, Eren."

The more she spoke reason the more enraged I
got.
"I DON'T CARE MIKASA! DON'T YOU GET IT?!! LEVI IS IN JAIL, I GET THREATS WHENEVER I LEAVE THE HOUSE, I LOOK LIKE I HAVEN'T EATEN IN WEEKS, AND I DON'T THINK I'VE SLEPT IN TWO MONTHS! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE, MIKASA!"
She stood up and looked at me. She looked angry too, "I DON'T CARE! YOU NEED HELP, EREN!"
I felt my teeth starting to clench, "NO I DON'T MIKASA! I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. I MEAN LOOK WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME YOU TRIED TO BE HELPFUL!" When I said this she backed off and became quiet. She looked hurt.
"Just...just go, Mikasa...please just leave me alone.." She stayed for a moment just looking at me. Her eyes started to water again and she looked sad.
So, so, sad.
It killed me to see her like this. To see my sister like this...it breaks my heart...but I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't. When she snapped out of it she was quiet, "Okay, she started making her way towards the door, "My apartment isn't too far from here. If you ever need me just call me or if you need a place to stay so you can get better my house is your house. " (A/N *trying to contain laughter)

After she said that I shrugged her off and she lead. I listened to her car engine roar before slowly driving off to her apartment.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine.

A/N

Yo

I'm writing as much as I can when I can so I can update but school recently started for me so updates may not be as soon. The book shouldn't be that much longer so it should be fine though.
Sigh.
I should stop writing so late.
Thanks for reading.
Peace out.