Let Me Love You ✨|| Completed

43. the struggle of love

~ Perhaps it's not so difficult to find people who love you. Rather the true difficulty lies in opening up to them.
-Srishti! ~

The saddest kind of sad is when tears fail to drop out of your already heavy orbs, when you want to scream but what comes out is a whisper, when you need to stand in the front of the mirror just to remind yourself that you are strong enough, even when your heart knows you are not. It was something similar that the Murthy siblings were facing. The thirteen days since that fateful night had passed in a blur among the rituals and unstoppable tears. Needless to mention, Navya and Rishabh had shifted to Malhotra Mansion for the time being. Often at night, Rishabh would wake up sweating and screaming and it was almost impossible to calm him down without Nandini. Navya was not getting nightmares but the loss of a mother was too much for even her to handle. Hence multiple times in the night, Nandini would wake up to check on both of them one by one, caress their hairs and whisper soothing words to them. Both of them had taken leave from college and stayed at home the entire day, at times closed in their rooms. Nyonika tried to fill in to the place that had left a void in them, but she was not very successful. It was only Nandini who had the complete access to their wounded hearts and after her, only Manik was able to breakthrough the walls. And hence juggling between office, home, Navya-Risabh and Kabir, Manik and Nandini were having undoubtedly a tough time, but neither complained.

LAnd yet out of all Manik was most worried for Nandini. Her behavior was way too unpredictable for him. He had expected her to grieve the most since he knew she was the one who was attached to amma the most. And yet, he had seen her grieving the least. Sometimes she would start crying while handling her siblings or when Nyonika lovingly held her close, but even then she would wipe them off in a few minutes and stand strong. Manik couldn't understand was it her defense mechanism or she was trying to cope up with the loss? More importantly the world didn't know her as an emotional person and hence everyone took it to be her normal behavior but Manik had seen glimpses of her emotional depth and so he was confused and worried about her, a way too much.

Next night when Manik returned from office, he was a little late than usual. Everyone else had already sat for dinner and Nandini was serving them. He greeted them and went to his room to freshen up. By the time he came down, other were done with their food and Nandini was making fresh chapatis for Manik. She didn't realize when he came and stood beside her, she was too much into the chapatis. Manik was looking at her face, trying to read something out of those eyes that kept looking down, unaware of that gaze on her. Suddenly she screamed as she accidentally laid her bare finger on the hot tava and immediately a huge blister formed on her finger. Fat tears made their way out of her eyes. Manik took her finger and applied ice on it to soothe the pain as kept blowing slowly on the burnt finger slowly. Nandini was astonished to find Manik since she hadn't actually noticed him but she let him do whatever he wanted to. Manik took her to the dining table and fed her with his hands. She didn't retort and he didn't say anything. Post dinner they made their way into their room and Nandini went to freshen up while Manik made the bed. That was when he noticed a copy below Nandini's pillow. He opened it to find it almost empty until his eyes stopped on the last page.

Maybe one day,
One fine day in the coming future,
I would again feel the pain!
Why pain?
You would ask me, I know.
Because I have heard that pain hurts,
It makes you cry hard and bleed out of your eyes.
And frankly I am tired.
Tired of being this numb all the time.
This doesn't mean I am strong.
I can handle the brutalest blow but yet, they affect me, I know.
I have this sudden surprise visit of my tears, usually before that restless sleep.
But it's not enough.
I want to let it all out- every damn thing- in words or tears, doesn't matter.
But see the wretched fate I have, both ditch me at that excruciatingly important moment.
And also no one holds me close and tells me that it will be okay.
Maybe one day, though.
One fine day,
There would be that someone,
In flesh and blood.
And then I would be finally free!

He closed the notebook and sat on the bed with a thud. The scene from an hour earlier crossed his mind, when nandini burnt her finger, accidentally. He had seen her eyes filling while she was busy with making chapatis but before he could question her, she touched that burning pan deliberately, not accidentally. His mind roamed around several other bruises and wounds he had seen on her fragile body in the last few days. The one she told she got by banging her head on the door, accidentally or the one she got while chopping the vegetables. Not to forget when she sprained her ankle by twisting on her sandle to the one in her hands she got while collecting the pieces of a broken glass. His head spinned as he recollected those events. What the hell was happening? Where did his love fell short that she could not open up to him, the way he did to her? Did he still, fell short on her trust? Various questions created a hurricane inside him. He held his head in his hands as he felt a unknown emotion in him. A hint of anger maybe, or a sense of betrayal? Or maybe disappointment? Or rather helplessness and a deep feeling of worthlessness?

Aankhon me aansu lekar, hothon se muskurayen,
Aankhon me aansu lekar, hothon se muskurayen,
Hum jaise jee rhe Aankhon meh koi jee k toh btaye.
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye.

When he was so immersed in his own despair, the washroom door opened and Nandini came out and she was shocked to see him sitting like that. She rushed to him and held his arms.

"What happened Manik ? Are you fine?", She questioned and he looked up at her.

"I am sorry Nandini. I failed.", His tone too low and agonising to hear.

"What? What happened manik? Why are you speaking that way?", She aksed again alarmed.

Jo toot k na toote, koi aisa dil dikhaye.
Jo toot k na toote, koi aisa dil dikhaye.
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye.
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh bataye.

" I had promised to love you unconditionally. To share your joys and sorrows. But I failed. I failed miserably...", He spoke again, this time his eyes red and tears already falling from his eyes. Nandini was flabbergasted at his words. No one could love her the way he did, she knew that.

" What??? Who told you that Manik? Why are you even thinking this way? No one could make me happy that way you do", she cupped his face and wiped his tears.

Maine toh ki mohobbat, tune ki bewafai.
Takdeer ye hamari, kis mod pe le aayi
Takdeer ye hamari, kis mod pe le aayi.
Toote h is tarah dil, aawaz tak na aaye.
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye!

"Anyone can make you happy Nandini . There is nothing great in it. Love is more about sharing the deepest sorrows and greifs. After all, anyone can share your joy but it takes real effort to share someone's cries and toady I failed to love you that much so that you could share your pain with me, instead of inflicting this physical torures on yourself", Manik spoke, not meeting her eyes as the guilt consumed him while she sat stunned seeing how well he could see through her and her strong walls.

Afsos mere dil ko, mujko bhula diya hai.
Meri wafa ka tune achha sila diya h.
Tumne toh diya h hum bayan bhi kar na paye,
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye!

Aankhon me aansu leke hothon se muskurayen,
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye!
Hum jaise jee rhe h koi jee k toh btaye!

In that one momemt she could not decide it was good to finally have that someone who cared for her more than anything and everything or was it bad that she had hurt even that one person too? At times, confusion between the heart and mind is too strong to let you think!