What Lies Ahead

Chapter 39

I don't remember much, the only thing I remember is telling Ezra I need to get to the hospital, and him loading the twins and I in his car. I don't remember much about the drive there, but I remember jumping out of his car to run inside. 

"Where is she?" I ask Jesse as soon as I see him. 

"They just took her back. We can't go back there yet," he says.

So we wait, and the wait seems like forever. The doctor finally leads us back to mom's room, and she's awake. 

"Mom, what happened?" I ask. 

"I need you to call your father, and I need Ricky and Ezra in here," she says.

Now I know this isn't good. 

I call dad and he immediately leaves to come down. Mom makes us wait until dad gets here to explain everything, and the wait feels like forever. Ezra tries to make me feel better, but it doesn't work. I can't keep thinking about what he had to tell me at dinner. Does it have to do with why mom is sick?

Dad finally gets there and I give him a huge hug, followed by Jesse.

"How is she?" he asks.

"She's awake," I say. 

We go into her room and she looks like she's ready to talk. Ricky and Ezra are in there as well.

"I have pancreatic cancer."

"What?" I say, like I didn't hear it. 

My knees get wobbly, and Ezra has to hold me up. Jesse can't even speak, and my dad is in total shock. 

"Is this why you're so skinny? Is this where you were last year? I know you weren't on tour mom," I say, spilling the beans. 

"Just let me explain," she says, calmly.

We all take deep breathes, and she continues.

"I found out I had pancreatic cancer before we moved, and that's the reason we moved. I told your dad I wasn't in love with him anymore, which is a lie. I just wanted him to divorce me, so when I passed it wouldn't be so hard."

"That's so selfish," Jesse spits.

"Ezra's mom, Rose, is an old friend of mine. When I found the house down here I wanted you to think I was taking care of her, so I stayed with her. She helped me get treatment, but the treatment didn't work. When I found out it wasn't working, I decided to come home and be with all of you. Jesse was in the army at the time, but I told him I wanted him home. I told his commanding officer I was sick, and they sent him home with no explanation. I met Ezra and Ricky before you started school, because I wanted one or both of them to stay with you while I was gone. I didn't expect Ricky to end up being with you. I came home and it just went downhill from there," she says.

I turn around and look at Ezra, then look at Ricky.

"You both knew who I was before I ever walked in your classrooms?" I ask.

"We didn't know you, we just knew of you," Ezra says, grabbing my cheek, but I swat his hand away. 

"I can't believe this," I say.

"Honey, don't blame them. They made a promise to me they wouldn't tell you, because I wanted to," mom says.

"Why aren't you fighting?" Jesse finally says. 

"I've tried, and nothing has worked. I just want to be around you all for my final days," she says.

"How long?" I ask, tearful.

"The doctor estimates a little bit past Christmas," she says. 

"This isn't fair! You'll never get to see me finish college, you'll never get to see the twins grow up, and you'll never get to see Jesse's kids when he decides to have any," I say, and the tears fall down my face.

My dad engulfs me in a hug. He hasn't spoken the whole time.

"I'm sorry," mom says to my dad. 

He walks over to her and gives her a soft kiss. 

"I want to be here with you," he says. 

"I don't want you to be here for that," she says.

"I'm staying," he says.

"I can't be here," I say, walking out the door. 

Ezra stops me.

"Get away from me! I can't believe you kept this a secret from me!"I say.

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't have a choice," he says. 

Part of me knows it's true, but the other part of me is so angry inside. I'm so hurt and frustrated. My mom is dying, and she told two people she hardly knew instead of her own family.

"I just need some time," I say, and I presume to walk out of the hospital.