Mother's Day
"Hi mama," CJ giggles skipping off in front of us. We're having a picnic next to she'd she's buried. CJ is afraid to sit directly on topic the grass and where she's buried. He thinks he'll hurt his mama and he doesn't like the thought of that. He already thinks it's his fault.
"Carefully," CJ leads his baby sister to the grave and slowly he sits on top of the first where all of the flowers are blooming again. "This is where mama is, can you say mama?" She giggles blowing spit bubbles. "Mama?" He tries again in a more playful voice.
"Cam," she giggles.
"Yeah princess, now try mama," he smiles at her.
"Mam," she giggles. "Mam," she continues repeating frustrating him a little bit. Sometimes he forgets she's just a baby and doesn't pick us very quickly and other times he's extremely patient.
"He's gonna loose it," Justin leans his head on my shoulder. Most people think that it's disgusting we're together or that it's suspicious that we've both moved on so quickly but the both of us believe it was the fault of our ghost, and we love her dearly. She still holds my heart, the heart you'd give to your first love but slowly Justin is trying to bring it back which I appreciate. He knows what I lost and he understands the pain I must go through.
"Mama?" He tries again and she just giggles. "Mama," he smiles. It's very important to him to get her to say this, Reese is the only reasons she's living and he wants her to know that.
"Mama!" She giggles crawling around.
"Don't do that darling you'll get all dirty," Justin shakes his head lifting her off of the ground. "Don't do that," he shakes his head. "Don't do that," he shakes his head again.
"Come on," I wave CJ over and he sits on my lap. "We'll talk to mama after." I kiss his temple.
"But I can't always talk to mama, I can eat later, there's time." He tries running off.
"Camden James," I cross my arms. "You haven't eaten in three days." I hug him. "Your mama wouldn't like hearing about this." I give him a stern look.
"My mama would want to talk to me about it so let me go talk to her." He argues running towards the tomb stone. It's fairly large with a flowery design around the sides.
"Feed Athena?" I sigh at Justin who nods while I walk over to my sobbing boy. "Why are you crying?" I open my arms but he stays hugged up against the tomb stone.
"I want cuddles." He sniffs. "That's all I wanted, it's my fault." He balls. "I made mama come upstairs with me even though I know she couldn't." He cries against the stone as if it were her.
"Come here," I try to take him away but he screams.
"You're not my mama so don't touch me!" He stays wrapped around the stone.
"Camden James coming here to see her grave is a privilege and we can take that away from you. You aren't obligated to come here and we can limit it to once a month if you'd prefer?" I loose my temper almost.
"Daddy," he sobs harder but I keep the same stern look.
"Lighten up on him Shawn," I can hear her voice whisper. My head snaps back to Justin who's still feeding Athena. "He's just a kid." I can almost see her silhouette in the air in front of me. "He's hurting and he's just as depressed as you." I follow this ghost like figure around my body. "Don't do to him what you wouldn't have done to me." And just like that, she's gone.
"CJ," I sigh laying down next to her tomb. "I miss her too, I miss her lots, but there's nothing we can do. You aren't the reason mamas not here anymore. She just got sick."
"But I tried to make her come upstairs with me. That's really what took her away." He sniffs.
"At least you got to spend time with her before she had to go."
"Why'd she have to go?" He sobs almost.
"Because baby, it's the cycle of life."
"Well the cycle of life is stupid." He huffs.
"I know you feel that way baby but your mama was sick and she was hurting." I kiss his head. "Come eat," I point while all of his siblings and their kids sit down. "Mercy's all alone," I point at her Jayden runs towards his uncles and other cousins. She's four months pregnant.
"She looks sad," he pouts looking at her. "Don't be sad," he waddles towards her sister. "I'll cuddle with you," he smiles cuddling into her. "I can't cuddle my mama," he sighs while she hugs him.
"She's my mama too," Mercy whispers to her brother. "Is it ok if I cuddle you instead of mama?"
