It's been a year, and now I know it doesn't hurt anymore.
You walked through the crowded corridors with your head down, not bothering the persons you bumped into. You knew you were late to your first subject, again.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, I'm late," you said as you bowed infront of her. You heard her let out a deep sigh and say, "This will be the last time you'll be late. Next time, I will not make it pass."
You simply nodded and ran over your seat.
The past months of your life wasn't that easy since you are graduating. And a downcast came to your life.
Wonpil, your two-year boyfriend, left you for his career. It was understandable but after the break up he acted like you're a stranger to him. It hurts, of course. It should've been better if the both of you remained friends but he totally avoided and ignored you everytime you accidentally pass by each other. You've asked him multiple times why is he acting that way but he would always answer that it's not something you need to talk about anymore.
But after some time you got used to it and you learned to smile and laugh again. You are not someone who's at the corner of the room, seated in the last row looking somewhere far through the windows.
You knew, you can be happy again.
"You're late again? I thought you are not going to do it anymore," your friend said, confused.
"I won't do it again or ever, and now I mean it," you said assuring her. She smiled at you and tapped your shoulder. You know she's not believing you and she's thinking that your lying again. She's worried about you, on how you are going to go through this situation. But you smiled at her trying to say through your eyes that you are truly sincere this time.
You heard a loud sound of a wooden stick. Everybody got alarmed and looked straight infront where the sound was coming. Your teacher was hitting her table with her long stick trying to get everyone's attention. It became silent, and everybody was waiting for her to speak.
"Our lesson for today is about Elegy or Threnody," she started. She walked through the space between the two columns of chairs and continued, "Elegy or also known as Threnody, is a poem or song that expresses sadness and grief for someone who is dead."
She paused for a while and said,"I won't ask you to make a poem but I want you to make a letter for someone who you misses. I want you to tell how you feel."
"Ma'am is it necessary that the person you're making a letter for is dead?"
"No, just someone you misses. Alive or not, it's okay. Do it now and please pass it today," she answered and walked back to her seat and started doing some of student records while some of your classmates started working on the given written work.
Someone, I miss? You thought.
Could it be him? Again?
The thought of missing him gave you a feeling of guilt and regret straight in my heart.
Did I lie to myself again?
Once again, you are confused. You felt something you don't understand, something inside. Something you knew, you felt before.
You knew, this letter would be for Wonpil again.
Oppa, I miss you, you started writing.
You hit your head lightly and erased what you wrote. That would be easy for him. But what should you tell first?
Hi, you wrote. You pressed your eyes firmly.
How do I start? Shall I start asking him all unanswered questions he left me with? Or shall I start by telling him how upset I am? You sighed maybe for the tenth time already. You erased what you just wrote.
You closed your eyes and let yourself hear your heartbeats, then you knew how you should start, and it was like this...
How does it feel to miss someone? I know how it feels, how about you? I guess you do too because quitely, everyone had felt how awful it was. This is not the first time I got hurt, but the last one hurted me the most. That time was when you left me. It hit me so hard, that the pain I felt on that day still hurts.
You told me if everything's falling back to their proper places, you'll come back. You told me if it isn't hard anymore, if it doesn't hurt anymore, you'll come back. That all you need was time to think and to heal everything that was broken. You promised that you'll come back to me no matter what. I believed in you. But just like all the promises made, it was meant to be broken... right?
I believed in you, but you left. You never came back.
It would have not hurt this bad if you didn't promise. If you didn't promise, I might've not waited for you, it might've been easier for me to go on and live my life without you.
Even if it hurts I'll just endure the pain by thinking that you're happy wherever you are. That I should be happy for you choosing to have a new life... a life without me.
It hurts. This feeling is the worst feeling I've ever felt. But do you know what hurts me the most? That's when I still find myself missing you, loving you even if you don't care about me anymore.
I'm sorry if I made this hard for you. I'll make sure, time will come and that time it doesn't hurt this bad anymore.
I love you very much. I hope you're happy now with your new life. Please, always take care.
And that's how it ended.
Class has dismissed three hours ago. A cold, gentle wind blows in your hair making some strands of it smooth away. You are sitting on a bench just beside the Namsan Tower. It's almost 9:00 in the evening but you haven't went home.
Tears started falling from your eyes and you can't help but sob. You gripped at the paper you are holding, the letter.
Thousands of questions started to break into your mind. Questions that only Wonpil, himself can answer.
If this is love, then tell me how had you given up?
Is it me? Is it all because of me?
Why did you have to make a promise you can't keep?
Why did you leave me unprepared?
I want to cry and scream. Do you understand why?
Do you still love me? Think of me? Care about me?
Why do I still love you despite all these things?
You constantly told yourself, you don't love him and you don't care about him anymore. But you lied.
All you needed was his love. That even if he only left lies to you, you still believe in him. You will only trust him and what he said.
You wiped yout tears and looked around. This place used to be the sanctuary of the both of you but now it was just you, alone. This place used to be a happy place for you. But now the dim lights looked lonely. Even the swirling sound of the wind sings like a sad song to you.
I've got so much to say, but where are you now?
You're still sitting in the cold wooden bench waiting for him to come back, just like what you always do.
You knew you'll be late again for tomorrow's class.
It's been a year, and now I know it still hurts but I'll keep on waiting and waiting and waiting for him to come back... no matter what.
.
angst imagine for fangirl_till_forever
this was actually one of my other works but it was actually ignored and nobody read it (it has only 9 reads hahahaha) lol so i decided to post it here bcs i know u could appreciate this guys :)) that's why ilyall.
i changed some and added some too. i hope you guys (did not) cry hihi.
vote & comment ♡
i love y'all // park's ♡
-dontgosummer
