Stay | C.H. Fanfiction

Chapter 12 - Tammy

A sheet was wrapped around mine and Calum's body as we were lying next to each other.

I kept thinking that this shouldn't have happened. I started, out of an impulse, something that I completely lost control and guilty weighted on me because I didn't even try to stop it.

A couple of minutes passed as I kept thinking over and over about how fucked up I am and about the mess I just created. I looked over at Calum, his eyes were closed and I figured he was asleep. I got up to grab a shirt and some underwear. I don't know if I expected Calum not to sleep here or anything but two things I knew for sure, I was obviously not going to disturb his sleep and tell him to leave and I was certainly not going to sleep naked next to him no matter what.

I got back to bed and started to wonder, will Calum believe he got in the middle of something perfect between me and Jason? I turned off the light and carefully covered my legs trying not to wake up Calum.

"It's not nearly as perfect as everyone thinks." I said into the darkness.

"People only think based on what they see." I was startled by Calum's voice.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up!" I said turning around to face him.

"You didn't, I wasn't asleep."

"Oh" I wasn't sure what to say as the awkward tension started to build between us.

"So, I'll talk." Calum said reaching for the light on the bedside table. "I know this wasn't supposed to happen, I'm aware of that and I swear I wanted to tell you I regret it but I can't and I'm sorry!"

I was the one who should feel regret, I was the one who should say that I felt regret about what happened, I was the one who should be ashamed of cheating but out of the three I could only find one in me, and that was shame.

"Don't be sorry if I can't regret it myself."

I could see the confusion and the curiosity in his eyes. I watched him reach his underwear and putting it on under the sheet without a word.

"What do you mean it's not as perfect? You and your boyfriend, is that it?" I'm not entirely sure I should talk to Calum about such a personal matter but I shouldn't also be lying in bed with him after we had sex. Maybe some rules get cracked when other are broken.

"We are not as perfect as people think."

"Can I ask you something?" Calum asked resting his head on his hand. "Why did you kiss me? I'm not complaining or anything I just don't understand why you did it so... abruptly?"

"Are you sure you want to talk about that?" I asked not sure it we should touch the subject.

"I just need to understand so unless you really don't want to talk about it, I want to talk about it."

I took a deep breath and as I mimicked his body my legs brushed his sending shivers through my body.

"You've been nothing but kind and charming to me all night for starters, so it's partly you fault." I said joking but inside, I couldn't have said something truer.

"I'll take the blame. And the compliment!" Calum said a smile appeared on his face making him glow.

"When we were supposed to say goodbye I noticed I left a lipstick stain on your face and I was slightly alarmed that you..."

"Slightly alarmed? Tammy that was full on panic mode!"

He was right. I panicked and he saw it through me.

"The thing is that I thought that you'd have the same reaction Jason once did." I admitted it and said it out loud for the first time.

"What was his reaction?" Calum asked looking at me.

"He hated it and from that day on I was forbidden to wear lipstick or any kind of makeup that could stain." I confessed.

"Forbidden?" Calum gasped. "He can't decide that, you can't let him decide that."

"It's not a big deal it's just that I rather not bother or be bothered. Not that you should care but I still wear lipstick just when he's not around."

"Did you wear it before you started dating him?" Calum asked curious, or so it seemed.

"Every day! Eugenia taught me to put it on when I was a kid, I remember practice it with a cherry ChapStick she gave me. I was about thirteen or fourteen when I got a red lipstick and from then on it just became my color."

"And you gave it up for him?"

"You got to do what you got to do to keep people in your life!"

"Even if it means giving up on part of you?"

Bam! Putting thing under that light makes it sound awful, doesn't it? I never saw it as giving up, just adapting?

I watched Calum get out of bed and I felt like my head was spinning and the room was a little colder.

"Where do you keep your lipstick?" I smiled wondering why he was looking for it.

"It's on my clutch, why?" I asked but no answer.

Calum walked to the chair where my clutch and shoes landed, grabbed it carefully and brought back my lipstick in hands.

"What's that for?" I giggled as he removed the cap of the lipstick and got back in bed next to me.

"I've never done this before so you have to stay still."

"Calum...uh..."

"Stay still." He said as he got the lipstick closer to my lips. "Part your lips."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked obviously confused.

"Trust me okay?" I couldn't help but to smile. "Now part your lips."

And I did. I parted my lips at the same time his thumb touched them. I felt the lipstick slide across my lower lip as I watched Calum. I had how idea how it would turn out but I knew he was trying hard by how focused he was. No one ever did that to me, no one ever cared if I put on lipstick or not much less cared to put it on me... but Calum did, no matter if it's out of pity or whatever else it could be.

"Perfect!" He said putting down the lipstick on the bedside table. "I like it on you."

"Thanks Calum" I smiled at him.

Seconds... minutes, or maybe hours passed as we just lied in bed staring at each other and it felt wrong, awkward, immoral and sinful but mostly it felt good.

"I know it's wrong and I'll totally understand if you kick me out next but can I ask you something?" His eyes were shining and suddenly it felt like two lovers lying in bed as if were a couple taken from the best and most romantic novel ever written, except that we weren't.

"Whatever you want to know."

"Would you kiss me if I asked you to?"

"Please don't ask me that. Anything but that."

"Then kiss me!"

It's not that I didn't want to kiss him but I knew that I shouldn't...

"Please, Tammy. The night's already lost, besides we've done worse."

"That doesn't make it less bad."

"You're right I shouldn't have asked you, I'm sorry." He said turning away from me.

"Calum..." He turned back to look at me and the second he did I attached my lips to his and kissed him until we both ran out of air. One thing is right, we've done worse.