Wild Side [h.s au]

Chapter 50

"Why. . ." I mumble. "Why did you do that to me?" I feel absolutely devastated knowing the only person who always knew how to bring me a sense of comfort and peace whenever I needed it is the one that betrayed my trust. This means I didn't lose just Alice today, but Elena as well.

She gulps, her saddened eyes looking away as she struggles to find words. We both know there's nothing she can say to fix this, to fix any of this. My gaze slides to her neck, seeing a newly formed bruise there and what seems to be teeth marks.

"I see it didn't take you too long to get back to your old life." I lift my hand, brushing my thumb over the bruise briefly before letting my arm drop to my side. She flinches at my touch, a pained expression flickering over her features. "Not to mention the uniform you're wearing. . . you belong to Vortex once again. Congratulations."

"I never did and I never will," Elena says, her voice equally quiet and strained as mine. "Don't make conclusions based on one thing, no matter how it looks like."

I let out a laugh, no trace of humour or emotion in it, sounding more like a puff of air leaving my mouth. "You didn't answer my question. Why did you do that to me? Why did you spend so much time with me, hm? You would comfort me, be there for me, you would never give up. And for what? To leave at the end? Go ahead then, leave. But make it final this time."

I turn around, my palms covering my face as I let out a heavy sigh. What she did doesn't matter anymore, nothing does. I want her gone now that I'm numb and can barely feel anything. I want to stay in this numb state as long as I can, but she's making it hard for me. I don't need more pain, there's only so much I can take and I've reached my final limit. I'm done, completely done.

"I didn't leave," she says, her voice small. "That's the whole point, I stayed here for you. And when I had the chance to leave again, I came back to you. When Vortex was attacked and I had yet another chance, I came here again. I'll always come back to you."

My eyes burn from unshed tears and I hate it that I have to deal with this pain on top of the one caused by Alice's death. The feelings I wanted to push back are resurfacing fast and hard, making me clutch my aching chest as if I can rip the pain out and toss it away, my breathing suddenly becoming ragged and I feel like I'm drowning. She's making me feel this way, it's all her. She has ruined what we had and now that I need her the most, I can't have her.

Two types of pain are clashing inside of me, drowning me and pushing me deeper below the surface with each second. This has to stop.

When I feel her hand on my shoulder, I grab a gun and my body turns abruptly, my hand aiming the gun at her, pressing the barrel against her forehead. Her widened eyes search mine, probably trying to find the signs I usually show when I have an episode.

But there is no episode, I'm not hallucinating at all.

I stare into her eyes for a few moments, slowly processing I'm letting the pain have control over me yet again. It's making me do this, it's making me point a gun at the person I love. My hand starts shaking as cold shivers run through my body, the bile rising in my throat as cold sweat breaks on the surface of my skin. It's so overwhelming, to feel this immense pain and love at the same time. It's even worse when one person is making you feel both.

"I can't, I can't. . ." I mumble as my tears finally start flowing, my eyes closing as I take a step back, my fingers gripping my hair. "Fuck!"

"I love you, I can't. . ." I say as I look at her, dropping the gun on the floor. "I can't handle it, I can't deal with that. I don't want to."

Elena stares at me in complete shock, her palm coming up to cover her mouth and it hits me what exactly have I just admitted to her. She sniffles and frantically starts wiping her tears as if they're burning her skin. "Harry I-"