Wild Side [h.s au]

Chapter 39

I smile sadly, knowing the story I'm about to hear doesn't have a happy ending, and I make sure to prepare myself mentally for it. Everything that affects Harry, affects me as well. His few moments of positivity disappear quickly, being replaced by a pained, glum expression.

"Do you know why I'm telling you all this? Because you listen. You just listen. I need someone to be quiet while I let it all out, everyone always keeps trying to make me feel better or search for excuses why it wasn't my fault." He shakes his head. "I don't need that, there are no words that can comfort me."

My hand grabs his and I pull him with me toward a wide gym bench leant against the wall, sitting down and motioning for him to do the same. He reluctantly does so, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, taking a deep, shaky breath as if he's preparing for something big. I dare to place my palm on his back, rubbing it soothingly, feeling him relax slightly under my touch.

"I was five when he came into the base," he starts. "He looked so frightened, with his big innocent eyes and dirt covering his skin and clothes. Dad found him near the battlefield, next to his dead parents. He didn't speak, he didn't even cry. I smiled when I saw him and introduced myself, but he kept silent. I don't know why, but I just remember I momentarily liked him." He turns his head to glance at me, a brief smile playing on his lips. "I got a brother that day."

"He was two years older than me and he would usually ignore me when I came to visit him. I kept calling him my brother because mum and dad told me he'll be living with us now. He didn't speak for two weeks when he came here, but despite the rough circumstances, my parents made him feel as if he's a part of our family. He managed to crawl under our skin with his smile and clumsy behaviour, I'm not kidding when I say the guy was capable of tripping while sitting down." He laughs lightly, making me smile. "His first words he spoke were 'I'll be your brother if you catch me' and he didn't even get a chance to run away because I tackled him immediately."

"We grew up sharing the same room, him being the prank lord as he'd call himself, and me being the stubborn little Harry, as he'd call me." He rolls his eyes at that. "We were all a team, the eight of us, the guys, Jess and Tori, Thomas included. I grew up knowing I'm supposed to take my father's position and once my mum left, that became my only focus. I became selfish and even more stubborn, thinking my ideas were the greatest and that I'm capable of leading the attacks on my own. I was a stupid, deluded teenager."

His hands knot into fists and he inhales deeply to calm himself, my hand resuming rubbing his back to bring him comfort. His green eyes meet mine, blurry with unshed tears and I can almost physically feel my heart breaking.

He proceeds on telling me how Vortex occupied their territory and he felt they need to fight back for it, he thought he's up for the task while being only nineteen years old. His voice is so quiet and pained, I feel a growing pressure in my chest, my empathy getting the best of me.

But when he tells me the rest of the story, I involuntarily shatter seeing him like that, broken and tormented with guilt. I never cry, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've cried. But Harry, this sad man beside me, has managed to break down the wall I've put between me and my emotions, letting me feel for him completely.

I love you, I want to say. But something is keeping me away from saying it, something I know I'll have to face once. My fear of losing him when he finds out the truth.

.

Harry

Pain. It's the only thing I feel as I slowly relive the fatal day, the one that ruined my life. Elena is sitting beside me and listening intently, her touch bringing a much needed sense of comfort to me. I feel overwhelmed talking about him after so long, he's been locked away in my memories as I refused to feel, to acknowledge the pain. Of course, I always knew I'll have to talk about this once, face the consequences of my actions.