Wild Side [h.s au]

Chapter 39

He's standing with his palms flat against one of the walls in the room, his head hanging low, shoulders rising and falling heavily as he takes deep breaths. His torso is bare, sweat glistening on the surface of his skin, the band of his sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He looks pained, just like every time he does when he has to deal with flashbacks and guilt he feels.

I take a deep breath, wanting to help him in any way I can. Even if I can't, I still want to be here for him, I know what to expect when he's like this. I push aside the reason why I came here, my focus only on Harry and his fragile state. I carefully approach him, calling out his name so he realises I'm in the room. I don't want to make the same mistake I did before and approach him from the back.

His head snaps up at the sound and he slowly turns, green eyes meeting mine. A flash of pain crosses his features for some reason before a hard expression settles on his face, a deep frown forming a crease between his eyebrows. "Niall tried to be my therapist and failed, you're only wasting your time."

I don't know what were Niall's methods, but I know one that will work for sure.  I don't say anything and slowly take a few steps toward him, spreading my arms and locking them around his torso, pulling him to me.  The heat of his body sears through the layers of my clothing, his heaving chest pressed against mine. He's tense for a few moments and I think he's going to push me away, but he doesn't.

"Why won't you leave?" He suddenly asks, his voice wavering. "Everyone leaves, why won't you?"

"Because I don't want to leave you," comes my soft reply, my chin resting on top of his shoulder.

"I can't deal with this," he says, his voice pained. "I just can't. I tried to be strong like everyone expects me to be, but I'm a failure. Just like every time."

"But you are strong. I'll repeat it as many times as I have to for you to start believing it." I pull away so I can look at him. "No one expects you to be emotionless, Harry, for God's sake your father is missing. Let it all out, we're all here for you, you don't have to go through this alone. Not again."

The last two words I said seemingly inflict a sense of fear in him, his eyes slightly widening. "I keep losing everyone I care about." His hand comes up to cradle my cheek, the gesture evoking deep emotions inside me. "My mum. . . my brother. . . my friends. . . and now my dad. Just like that." He snaps his fingers.

His brother? I didn't know he had a brother.

He runs both of his hands through his hair, momentarily turning around and taking a deep breath before turning once again to face me. "My mum left me when I was fourteen. My parents' marriage was never ideal considering the circumstances, but they still loved each other and they loved me. At least that's what I thought, because one day mum tells me she'll always be by my side and make sure nothing happens to me and the other day she leaves. How long do you think it took her to realise dad and I are not worth it?"

I just listen to him intently, feeling my chest ache for him and his pain. That was the start of his troubles, the first person he has lost. My heart drops to my stomach when I notice his eyes are slightly glossy, their colour appearing brighter. It pains me to see him actually fighting tears.

"After that, I felt the need to show to my father I am worth it, to show him I can be the son worthy of taking his place. It was stupid because he never made me feel as if I wasn't enough, he showed me he cares in any way he knew, not with gestures such as hugs, but other things. He loved me and my brother and I had to ruin that."

"My brother. . . " he mumbles, his voice slightly cracking. "Alex slightly reminds me of him, minus all the annoying parts." He smiles briefly. "Imagine a tough looking guy who appears like no one can approach him, but tends to come to your room at early dawn and wake you up by literally throwing himself at you and singing some stupid made up song. Yeah, that was him." He lets out a laugh at the memory, shaking his head.