Lucille (The Walking Dead)

Mental

    I heard shoes marching down after me and felt Negan's hand roughly pull me to a stop.

"Don't act so fucking stupid." Negan said bringing himself in front of me. "You said you knew who I was, well sweet cheeks, that's part of the package." He said with a smile.

"I knew, yes. But- I just-" I stuttered. I was at a loss of words with him confronting me about this.

"I love getting my dick wet." He said getting into my face. "Me and women are like a moth drawn to a fucking flame." He said with his breath of his words caressing my face.

"You're a pig," I said softly. I knew that he was right, this was who he was and I couldn't stand it. But I was still fully aware of the effect he was having on me being so close. He didn't say a word as his eyes studied my face carefully with a smile on his own. "You overflow complete bullshit with everything you do."

"Not like you're any fucking better," I finally looked into his eyes. "I wonder what Daryl would say if he found out about you frolicking with one who's keeping him his cage." I felt a heat run through me at the sound of Daryl's name come out of his mouth. I felt my hand suddenly slap him across the face. He smiled and looked at me without turning his head. "You know it's fucking true." Tears sprung to my eyes.

"Yes, I do," I said in a hushed tone. "It kills me every time I think about it."

"Then why," He said in a whisper as he came toward me. "why do you want me back?" My hands had started to shake at his words.

"I don't know why," I said honestly. I looked up to his face that was focused on me with a flicker of something more in his eyes. His hands were suddenly around my waist pulling me up onto him. I ignored the pain from my legs as he pushed me up against the wall. His lips feverishly met my skin as I wrapped my sore legs around him. The pressure from him pressing me against the wall sent excitement through me. I could hear our breathing echoing down the empty hallway as his kisses traced down my neck. I felt the bursting sensation of my chest as he grabbed my skin. I heard the faint sound of a door opening. Negan must have heard it too as he pulled away looked toward the sound.

Dwight stood frozen in place at the sight of Negan and me. I heard Negan sigh and look down at my chest.

"Can't you see I'm a little fucking busy here?" He bellowed loudly giving me a slight ring in my ears.

"Sorry," Dwight said before nodding and heading back into the room.

"Jesus fuck damn it." Negan said in a whisper. He rested his face on my chest where I knew he could hear and feel the beats from my heart. I watched as his head moved up and down with the motion of my breathing. I could feel his own breath on my breast. His hands slowly released and brought me softly to the ground. "Fuck, your legs. You okay?" He said.

"Yeah. They're a little sore but not that bad." He nodded his head and stood there close to me for a second. He let out a big breath and smoothed his hair.

"I got go take care of this. I'll come find you." He said with a stern look on his face. I could only give him a nod. He swiftly picked up the crutches on the floor and put them against the wall. He walked briskly toward the door and stopped only for a moment to look back at me. "I won't be long."

"Okay," I said just above a whisper. With a slight nod, he went back inside the room and left me in the silence of the hallway. With shaken hands, I grabbed the crutches and brought myself up to them. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I said in a whisper to myself. I clutched my way down the hallway waiting to find a more familiar area so I could find my way. I opened a door hoping to lead me to somewhere I could direct myself.

I found myself standing in the old working room again. I felt myself hold my breath as I walked to the middle of the room feeling the warmth of the sun shining through the windows. I slowly breathed out and turned to face the stairs. There my eyes were greeted by the bloodstain of where Scott attacked me. My legs went weak at the sight as the memories flooded back into my mind. I sat on my knees ignoring the throbbing pain from my thighs.

Nothing made sense anymore. Not to me anyway. I truly loved Daryl, I could feel it every time I had any thought of him. When I thought of Negan, fear swept through me but also it trailed quickly with a passion I hadn't felt ever. I couldn't be with one without thinking of the other. Was I just in lust with Negan? That could explain why I felt such a fire when we touched. I hated him. But the more I stared at the bloodstain on the floor the more I realized I hated the man I thought he was, the man he wants everyone to believe he is.

Negan was a shell of a man I would have fallen for before the walkers. I was falling in love with the flash of the man that was once there, a man that could feel the pain and sorrow. Negan was someone who once was, someone who shut down the human part of him almost entirely.

Daryl, I know he would have killed Scott too if he saw what was happening. I was one of the people Daryl had that I knew he needed. Daryl had a less than perfect life and I know he doubts his reason for being almost every day. I always made sure to make him feel needed, which he was, but he would often forget that. Being trapped in that cell not knowing what was happening must have been driving him crazy.

Almost complete opposites, the only thing they had in common was their stubbornness. I still wanted to get away from this place no matter what I might feel for Negan. I missed my life, my family, my silent moments with Daryl. It would never be like it was before, I knew from looking at that bloodstain. I would never be the same after Negan, after wanting him as I did. That life I knew would never come back to me completely. I lost something within myself that would never be able to accept that life again no matter how much I craved the time to be reversed to where I was in Daryl's arms ignorant of the saviors.