Lives Change

Chapter Sixteen - Christmas Break

Terra's P.O.V.

It's been 3 weeks since Raya and I have started up our jogging routine and a light layer of snow is coating the ground. It's about time. There's only 3 days until Christmas! I'm so excited! I have that warm feeling all the time; the one you can only seem to get around this time of year. Jake's told me a few times that my eyes are always "smiling," and he loves it. Everytime he says that, I just shake my head and giggle, pushing softly on his chest with one hand and rolling my eyes.

This past week, Jake's been sweet and kind and gentle. I feel like the only girl in the world to him. Sometimes, the day before he started being a perfect gentleman flashes through my mind, but I always push it away. I want to forget about it. 

The day Jake hit me, when he was accusing me of cheating on him with Blaine, I came close to dumping him. I never thought I'd love a guy who hit me. Especially one who punched me in the gut. But, I love Jake. I love him too much to let him go. Besides, he apologized. And it's not like it was all his fault. I did torture him by seeming to flirt with Blaine. Sure, I didn't know I was doing it but if it made Jake mad enough to hit me, there must be some truth to it.

I tried to tone it down with Blaine, but when I didn't laugh at his jokes or hang out with him near as much as usual, he took that to mean that he'd done something wrong. He confronted me about it a little over a week ago and I hurried to reassure him. We ended the conversation with a hug. When Blaine wrapped his arms around me, my heart started to pound and my stomach felt like it was a pancake being flipped over a griddle.

I was right to be terrified, Jake saw the hug. He didn't bring it up for a few days though, so I thought I was in the clear. I let my guard down, and it blew up in my face.

Jake had promised me that he wouldn't hit me again, but it was a lie. After that first violent outburst, there were others. In the past three weeks, I've acquired multiple bruises, most of them landing on my back, stomach, or shoulders. All easily concealed with a simple t-shirt.

Last week, when Jake yelled about Blaine hugging me, I just stood there. Tears were streaming down my face and silent sobs ran through my body but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed with fear. By now, I knew being hit was inevitable. Jake wasn't changing. Every time he said sorry afterwards, and everytime I let myself believe him. I believed he wouldn't hit me. But everytime, I messed up.

I'd never seen Jake so angry. His face was red, veins popping out of his forehead, and spit flew out of his mouth everytime he opened it to yell at me. No one was home, which was probably what Jake was waiting for. Everyone had gone Ice Skating. Damien had suggested it, and everyone wanted to go, including me, but Jake squeezed my shoulder and smiled a fake grin, just real enough to convince everyone else that it was genuine.

"We'll stay here," he'd said, causing my stomach to drop. I knew it was coming. Why didn't I run? Because I love him. I probably deserved it anyways. Really, Terra? You let Blaine hug you? 

 I knew how much it would hurt Jake if he saw it! Why would I let him hug me if I knew my boyfriend would be crushed? I was a horrible girlfriend. That day was the worst of them all. I had more bruises than I could count, every part of me seemed to hurt. 

It's only been a week since then, and my bruises are mostly faded, but that day still haunts me, lurking in the back of my mind. It's always waiting to spring to the surface and make my eyes go dim. I hate that. Why can't I just forget it?

Sitting here, in the living room, I shiver and roll my shoulders back causing Jake to look over at me with concern in his eyes.

"Are you cold, Terra?" he asks, pulling the knit blanket we're snuggled under further over me, covering my shoulders.