Lives Change

Chapter 24 - Confessions

Raya's P.O.V.

Normally, I'm a heavy sleeper - though not near as bad as Terra - but when my door creaks open I blink and wake up almost immediately when I see it's Terra. I struggle to keep myself from leaping off the bed and tackling her to the floor with a hug, I don't want to scare her away. Instead, I opt to sit up slowly and smile at her, stretching my arms above my head and yawning. 

"What's up, T?" I say softly, afraid if I speak too loud I'll startle her into leaving.

Terra smiles hesitantly at me before suddenly rushing over and hugging me with such force that we both fall back in my bed. I laugh, thrilled that Terra's laughing with me and look at her. 

"What was that for?" I giggle.

Terra's face crumples and I rush to hug her as she cries, "I'm so sorry, Raya."

I shush her and rub her back gently. "Shh, Terra, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Terra sobs, "I'm a terrible friend! I shut you out when I should've let you in and I've been nothing but a jerk to you ever since Christmas!" 

I pull away gently and make her look at me. 

"Terra," I say softly, "You had every reason to shut me out. You were going through a lot and I don't blame you for being guarded."

Terra sniffles, still sobbing loudly. I feel like crying too as I watch her. I hate seeing her like this. This isn't light crying like when you get the wind knocked out of you or skin your knee; this is the ugly kind of crying. The kind that fills your body will grief and pain and spills out of you with such force that you can't stop it. The kind that makes your face turn red and your jaw hurt from clenching. The kind that tears your throat up from sobbing and sometimes screaming into your pillow. This is the kind of crying that makes me want to beat Jake up until there's nothing left but a comatose jerk that can't hurt my best friend anymore. 

I don't cry though. I don't show any anger either. I show nothing but compassion and worry as Terra cries and cries for what feels like hours in my arms. I mutter "shh" or "it's okay" every now and then, content to lie here for as long as she needs. 

Eventually, Terra calms down enough to wipe her tears away and use some of the Kleenexes from my end table that I grabbed for her. I wait for her to compose herself enough to speak and patiently rub her back some more.

Slowly, Terra starts to let the words spill out and I listen to every single one. She tells me about her fear that Jake will come back and that she was worried Blaine and I would think she was stupid. After she gets all of the serious stuff about Jake out and stops crying, she tells me about a guy she met named Asher. Turns out, he's the guy that came up to her in Study Hall when she accidentally tripped and got the door stuck. 

She told me that he thought she was scared of him when really she was just on edge because of all that happened with Jake. She told me about running into him in the woods, twice. She told me about talking to him in the pouring rain today and him walking her home.

"Wow," I smile, gently shoving her with a wink, "sounds like this guy really likes you."

Terra blushes, "I guess."

She looks up at me, her face serious, "I'm not ready to like him back though."

She trails off, staring at my bed for a while before turning to face me again.

"Raya," her face crumples, "What if I'm never ready? To like someone again, I mean. What if Jake ruined it for me?" 

I hug her, then lean back to wipe away her tears with a Kleenex.