Mental Health Matters

Rediscovering Myself

Going through all I went through in the past 3–4 years was a long and confusing roller coaster. But it gave me many things: new knowledge, many new wise thinking, better idea of what mental health is, how to care for it (take care of myself, which I never knew how until after going through something huge & life threatening chapter), numerous insightful thoughts I only gained from my own personal experiences and a few others too.

I also have to share with you that yes I've made a few mistakes or bad decisions in my life but I have accepted (as for I know no one can go back to fix their past mistakes & regrets) that I can't change them, they happened, and I just have to learn from them, let them make me stronger and wiser and move on with my life. No more dwelling or letting my own parents hold me back (from dwelling and focusing on all the bad things I've done in my past life).

I've learned from them, and I did all that I had to do and now I plan and intend to move on. No more dwelling on what has already happened. Dwelling, arguing and fighting over things I can't go back and change is not healthy nor gonna solve anything. And I know that is not good for anyone's mental health. And my mental health is so very important and valuable to me and I will always consider it for every decision I make in my future.

Throughout many of the stages I accomplished with my recovery, I learned and gained a lot for myself. One of the big ones is loving oneself: myself. And it wasn't easy on one part. The other, it was quite a journey. I learned a lot about loving yourself. From this quote below, it took me a while after listening to "Love Yourself" until I fully was able to understand that no matter how my parents have treated me over the years or whether or not they choose to improve and change their behaviour and anything else that's needed, I knew and believed that I needed to try my absolute best to love myself gradually, naturally all on my own no matter what happens. And believe me it wasn't easy for me, nor for anyone to love themselves. High school may educate us on whatever amount of knowledge on mental health & mental illness but not anything on "how to love ourselves".

"You told me that you hated my friends. But the problem was with you and not them." – Justin Bieber

That needs to change, what's being taught on mental health and mental illness in high school is not enough. There needs to be a decision made with logical, wise and creative thinking to make these changes.

I've been through a lot and yes I've recovered from many of these things but it doesn't mean it never happened. it only means that I've let it make me stronger and wiser and also strengthen me as a better and healthier human being both physically, academically, emotionally, and mentally. And I've learned a lot from each one of them which I'm truly and honestly grateful for and happy to have. I'm also past 18, I'm responsible and allowed/able to make my own decisions for myself without my parents being involved. But overall, I believe that I've come a long way with my recovery, but also doing the best I can while in relapse and in the process of my full diagnosis as well. A lot has happened with my mental health in the past few years and I'm taking better care of it.

And in conclusion, all the things that I've experienced in the past 4–5 years have gave me many new and helpful insightful thoughts, life lessons, and much more! And I also got all your support, help, advice with many things, which I'm so truly and happily grateful for! Thank you all for all that you are and have done for me!

Have gotten a lot of support, help, guidance, advice from the happier community in the "Happier" social media/gratitude journal that I've been using and a part of for about 4 years now. In which I truly reccomend to try: it's not much like the other social media apps out there, but have interesting, fun, and helpful features that no other app offers. Like having the support, help, guidance, advice from the Happier community, courses that help you in certain areas (7 happier habits, everyday grateful, a meditation course that helps calm yourself at any time of the day, More Calm, Less Stress which helps with anxiety, stress in school and other related scenarios and more.

Speaking Up & Standing Up For Myself

My parents think they know me inside out, but they truly don't. They don't ever try to think creatively. Because if they did try, then so many things would be different. Everything that goes around in the house, would be so different, better, healthier environment and better for their mental health even though I'm the one that has cared for my mental health. They also tell me to wear some makeup (foundation/coverup, mascara) when going out to places in public. But I don't care what people think of me anymore. I finally have started on the journey of loving myself.

At the certain point in that journey, I actually stopped thinking of what people would think if I did something, or an outfit I'd choose to wear one day. I'd only think of what I feel like wearing, what I feel comfortable in as for I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, for the first time. I like myself the way I am and if I choose to go out in public with just me and my natural beauty, then that's what I'm gonna do. I finally am able yo say and believe that I accept all that I am just the way I am. I'm imperfectly perfect, and I'm completely happy with that! After watching Penelope or three times (gonna watch it for a 4th time tomorrow after my doctors appointment), having her be able to say "I like myself the way I am." ~ that's courage and a lot of other things too, and also not easy. And also proud to achieve something like that!

My parents and sister (Emily) don't understand my logic and everything in between the lines of why I'm not sociable around Emily and others except Courtney (even though lately I haven't been as sociable as I normally am = numb symptom from a mental illness. And many other things that they don't seem to understand, respect, accept or support for. But my doctors appointment tomorrow @ 10:30am and next Monday @ 3:15pm will definitely change all this somehow. However end whatever happens in both appointments and what comes from them, is what I believe is best for the whole situation, my parents, sister and myself overall.

Mental Health Tips

You can't be hard on yourself when you do something bad. You just have to accept that you can't do anything to fix it except, learn from it, accept it, and move on. Also let it make you stronger and wiser. Part of life is making mistakes. Another part is how to take your mistakes at heart.

Will you let it destroy you, define you or strengthen you?

Sometimes in hard situations, we react emotionally but don't handle it in a logical and wise decision. But why do we react emotionally rather than logically? Because the intense can get real intense and we instantly react with our emotions rather than thinking first before responding.

Stigma Talk
Society, gives us many labels but sometimes we don't realise that we sometimes give ourselves labels too. That self stigma for certain things like mental illness. I've learned about this self stigma we create for ourselves from reading an article.

But here's the interesting thing about stigma. Even when you think you have an open mind, free of stigmatizing and discriminatory biases, you don't. Our brains are much better at hiding those biases than we realize.

I have been though many depressive episodes, yet when faced with my diagnosis I found I still held my own stigmatizing views. I learn't that it was possible to label myself. I labeled myself with disgrace, rather than compassion.

Contrary to what my own self stigma would have me believe – I haven't changed, aspects of my life have.

After years of working against the tide of mental illness stigma, I still harbor my own toward myself. And it turns out, I'm not the only one either. There is a whole field of research which examines the effects of self stigma on the recovery and management of mental illness. Those of us who grew up around mental illness stigma are much less likely to reach out for help when ill. If we do reach out we suffer a large loss in our own self esteem for admitting that we belong to a stigmatized group – to admitting that we are less. Self stigma prevents us from getting well again. Self stigma may cause us to withdraw from the people we love, further give up on our goals, and even stop treatment altogether.

Change
We need to work together as best we can and help clean the stigma of all nasty qualities as much as we can. For the stigma is more nasty, deadly than you may think. Except for those who have any mental illness.

https://medium.com/@ammeep/stigma-internalized-5d154f34b920?source=linkShare-c7a8869db5e9-1475432649