Mental Health Matters

My Mental Health Advocacy

(Dear my parents and sister, please don't make any sudden judgements or thoughts on my permanent decision. I want you all to hear me out. I am about to clarify what's been aware to some family members who have become aware of my recent diagnosis. I want my friends and family to respect, accept, (try) to understand and support me here with my long journey in recovery.)

Today I've become ready to talk openly about my mental illness. As of October 4th this year, I was diagnosed with severe depression and have been on my first antidepressant trial (each lasting 6 weeks) as of October 7th. For me, this issue has been aware to me since April of 2014 (2nd semester of grade 12) but only experienced more symptoms of depression in November that same year in the first semester at Conestoga College.

Since I came home from college, I started recovering and overall working on improving myself once regaining my true self back. I worked extremely hard on my recovery and overall myself and yet overall all the times I've tried to explain the importance of mental health and my awareness and action on a diagnosis to my parents and sister, nothing seemed to work to gain their support with this whole issue for myself. They seem to believe that mental illness has a stigma around it but no discrimination but also believe you can recover and completely forget about it after and also believe that it's not an epidemic. How stubborn can society become with misunderstanding the importance of all things that come with reality?

When your depressed, anything you say or do (behaviours and thoughts) are not a definition of who you are. It's the depression talking, it's the depression, not a definition of you. Mental illness does not define one person, its only an illness just like cancer is. We are sick not weak and we cannot just forget about it once recovered. When we enter the beginning of recovery, we will recover for the rest of our lives. Once we are fully mentally healthy, we have to keep practicing healthy, positive mental habits, self care and more to prevent future episodes or relapses. Recovery will never be perfect: there will be slip ups and relapses and that's just a healthy part of the process. You have to accept that. It says nothing about what you did wrong in the recovery: no one gets it right the first few times. What matters is you getting it right, not the number of attempts you have.

Mental illness has still after 5 years of society working on breaking the stigma around it, has still viewed depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses with so much shame. And because of the visible stigma, many still suffer in silence trying to gain enough courage to speak up against it without anything around the stigma itself preventing that. For anyone suffering/living with mental illness, has experienced the stigma and also the discrimination around it as well.

The fear of not being accepted, viewed as a human being like everyone else. We may have a mental illness, but we are still human and can do everything others without one can but have to try harder. There should be no shame or stigma in something as normal as our mental health.

We all are educated in school for the importance and educational lessons and resources in maintaining our physical health yet our mental health isn't taught on class at all. 50% of students are not educated on mental health prior to college. The rest of society who still aren't respecting and understanding mental health needs to realize how much real harm they are doing. It's not just guns that kill, but words too. Words can trigger suicidal thoughts leading to guns and other props to succeed in killing themselves.

For all the times that my parents misunderstood or misperceptions my actions, thoughts, decisions overall in the past 1-2 years, has been more than well explained in this song by Rachel Platten called "You Don't Know My Heart" along with other many songs explaining and relating to overall mental illness experiences.

"Hey! My fists are tight and I'm afraid. 'Cause I cannot, I cannot explain. Your heart is like a hurricane. But can't you see I'm so in pain. Guess I'm not 'cause I don't talk. And then you write me off again. And I don't think you understand at all. I don't wanna use my mouth. Don't know how to spell it out. Every time I try, it sucks. I just wish you could open me up. And see-e-e-e all the confusion. And the love, the hurt, the wrong words I'm using. 'Cause tonight, it feels like. Like you don't know my heart. You, you don't know, you don't know my heart. Feels like eh you don't know, you don't know my heart. You, you don't know, you don't know my heart. Why, you say I never really see. That it's only ever about me? Like I don't listen when you speak. Like it doesn't kill me when your tears fall out. And I cannot catch it. And I do not have the perfect expression. And I don't think you understand at all."