Drew.

CHAPTER 34

Lynns POV

You never know what to expect in life, do you? One day you could be out with someone, at a park or party, and the next they're gone. You'll start to remember the little things that happened whilst you were with them. You will no longer be able to see them from the corner of your eye eating their lunch on the kitchen island or how they rub their eyes every morning before getting out of bed. You won't ever be able to feel their petite hands holding onto yours when you pick them up from school and you won't ever be able to comfort them after a bad dream. But you will still feel their presence everywhere you go, I know I do. Maybe it comes from the guilt I have about the entire situation.

As I sit here in the middle of our city's graveyard all these thoughts are winding up my head; filling me in an incoherent way. I was a ticking bomb about to go off, release all of my emotions and let everything go. Everyone's voices are mute to me and I can see is the closed coffin in front of me. And all I want to see are her golden locks and rosy cheeks but the gun did too much damage to my sister. Why would they keep the coffin open if she is no longer beautiful in societies eyes? She still is beautiful, f*ck what everybody else thinks. The warmth of my mothers hand on my knee tells me it's my time to go up, talk about my sister and how wonderful she was.

I felt light headed as I made my way to the front standing in front of the small groups of people that were in my mother and I's life now. I recognised Ellie's teacher and a few of her friend's mothers, the Johnsons, my family from the UK and my dearest mother. The steps I took were shaky and filled with dread as I tried to remember the speech I wrote down earlier.

I stared at everyone's depressed faces, their emotions far from positive, and I felt nothing. My mind came to a blank and all I could think about was how much Ellie is now going to miss out on life. The words that came out of me were a jumble of sadness and relentlessness towards what has happened to my poor sister.

"No one saw this coming. No one, not even myself. The truth behind her passing will shake people to their core and show that despite being family, who they truly are will never change. Ellie was only young but she was such a happy girl, her laugh would light up a room and her obliviousness and innocent outlook on the world was enough to break through the toughest of people." My voice cracked as the memories of her cascaded through my mind. "I miss her so much it's unbelievable but the part that kills me is now she'll never be able to grow up. She won't have her first kiss and first love, or buy her first pair of heels and go to her prom. She'll never be able to ace that math test she would've studied so so hard for and she'll never experience life. She had so much potential for a little girl and we are going to miss her so much. She died innocently to the worlds dark ways, until her last moments here with us, her purity will live on. She was wonderful and her heart was truly made of gold, she had no hate for anything or anyone. She was so happy. I will always love her even if she isn't with me anymore her presence will always be by my side and in my heart. I'm sure she carries a place in everybody's hearts that got the lucky chance to come across her in this world, in this lifetime. I was so grateful to have a sister like her. Ellie we all miss you and we want you to come home but you've gone now. I am so sorry for doing this to you," The restricting feeling in my throat came back and I was at a loss for words. My poor Ellie was really gone. I couldn't do this anymore. "Thank you all for coming Ellie would have loved you all being here."

Then I left. I ran as fast as I could and as soon as I was out of sight I let the tears fall. Keep running, don't look back, keep going. I could feel stitches in my leg opening up again and the burning sensation of using my muscles again took over but I couldn't stop. I was suffocating there; it was too soon. All of this was too soon her death. I am so sorry Ellie. Please, please forgive me.