Hide And Seek ~ Josh Dun

Chapter 80

Disclaimer:
I am not a medical professional so everything I write may not be 100% true, I apologize. xoxo

When I can finally hear Joshs soft snores, I finally allow myself to think. It's been hours since we heard the news. Isabella let us come to the doctors office right after she called. It's been hours since Josh relaxed. Now it's around three in the morning, and I still can't wrap my head around what happened.

Josh has been on edge ever since, refusing to be away from me, needing to hold onto me. Around one am, he laid on my lap and I brushed his hair until he fell asleep. It took him a while, and he will never admit it but I heard his sniffling, which echoed throughout the quiet room. That was the only noise that sounded for a while. I know what he is afraid of, it's the same thing that's keeping me up.

He and Tyler go back on tour within the next week and a half. It was planned that I would go with, alongside Jenna, but now we have no idea what will happen. Everything we had planned thrown away, just like that.

Will I be able to go with them? Will I have to stay home for the next couple of months all by myself? Josh has already tried contacting their tour manager to convince him to postpone the tour, but I've hidden his phone from him. I can't let him do that. No matter what happens.

~

"Abby-Lynn, Josh." Isabella said, entering the room with a solemn expression and sad eyes. Josh has had a death grip on my hand ever since I got the phone call. He hasn't cracked a single smile, his lips in a straight line the whole ride. "Thank you for coming in on such short notice."

"What's wrong with me?" I see Joshs eyebrows crease slightly, but then he is back to the stone expression he had. He inhales slowly, and starts to run his thumb against my knuckles. Isabella gives a sad smile, not taking any offense to my forwardness.

"Abby-Lynn, you have Atrial Myxoma. It's a noncancerous tumor on the right side of your heart." I can feel all of the air leave my body. Next to me, Josh pales. "Surgery is required as soon as possible. Because you have had it for such a long time, if we don't get it out as soon as possible, you could be in danger."

I look up to the ceiling as tears leave my eyes. A tumor? Josh runs his free hand over his face, before wrapping his arms around me, burying his head in my shoulder.

"Now, I want to warn you about something. Surgery will take it out, but it could come back, and if it does, it can come back worse. Which means it can come back as cancer." I let out a sob, and Josh clings tighter. "I am so sorry."

~

Josh had softly demanded that I set up an appointment for surgery as soon as possible, not wanting to risk my life any further. On the car ride home, we were both silent. I just didn't know what to say, and I don't think he did either. We have barely talked at all tonight, except for when I started an argument with him over everything...

~

"Josh, if it comes back worse what the hell is the point?" I was sitting on the ground, petting Lil Dun. Josh was in the kitchen making coffee for hisself, but when I spoke I heard no more noise coming from the kitchen. Looking up at him, I see him looking at me with a distraught expression.

"What's the point? Abby-Lynn, seriously?" I watched as he leaned on the counter and furiously rubbed at his face, as if trying to get rid of my question. This pissed me off, so I glared at him.

"Yes, what's the point. Why waste the money when it can come back ten times worse? Why put ourselves through all of that bullshit?" When I'm done speaking, Josh slams down his coffee mug, causing it to shatter everywhere.

"This bullshit is your damn life, Abby-Lynn!" Lil Dun ran off to his room when Josh raised his voice. All I could do was shake my head and look up at the ceiling, trying to call myself down. "Look at me." I refused to though, I don't want to look at him. I don't want to go through this.

"Look at me." He has now made his way to me, and is crouched down in front of me. He grabs my chin gently, and pulls it down so I am staring into his eyes. "This tumor can ki... Can take you away from me. And I can't take that. I can't fucking take that, Abby-Lynn. I will spend all the money in the world just to make sure you're ok, so money is not a problem. This is your life we are talking about. You need this surgery. It's not something that will just heal on its own terms. It's either get it treated or... Die."

I watch as the tears fall from his eyes, and I can feel as my own tears make their way down my face. I grabs his hands and hold them to my face, allowing the sadness to take over. Allowing reality to set in.

"But Josh, what if it comes back and it's worse? I get treated and I find out its cancer. What if I can't be fixed then?" He has now pulled me into his lap, our crying eyes never once looking away from one another.

"We will keep on fighting this together. Any time bought is still time I'll be able to spend it with you, Abby. Jesus Christ, I love you and all I want is to be able to spend time with you."

~

We had held each other for a while after that. We refused to let go for so long that Lil Dun had even came back and curled up beside us. Eventually though, my legs had gotten numb, so Josh decided then to get up and go clean up the broken glass. Then we just came into our room and laid there until now.

What if something bad happens during surgery? What if it comes back worse? What if I die?

Looking down at Josh, the beautiful boy laying on my lap, I know I will fight through it all for him. I'll go through endless surgeries, chemotherapy even, just so I won't have to leave him alone on this earth. He deserves someone strong to stand beside him, and I'll be damned if that person isn't me.