The Princess of The Ambrose Asylum ( Book 1of 3)

34

I was hardly sure how I got back home that afternoon. It was like I was a zombie, moving on auto-pilot, only realising I was at Hunter's home as soon as I walked up the driveway.

It was hard to know how to feel after having such a discussion with your so called friend, and it was hard to know how to react. But that's because there were so many reactions I wanted to have.

I wanted to lash out at him. I was so fucking angry and fuming that, even though I had zero wrestling skills, I wanted to get into a ring and beat the shit out of him until he was unmoving on the floor. I wanted to hit him, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted him to pay for what he'd put me through, what he'd put Dean through.

How dare he do what he did out of jealousy! Dean had done nothing wrong, and it had been my choice to be with him and reject Randy. If he had a problem or an issue with my decision, he should have come to me and we could have talked it out. We were best friends, we were hardly strangers, so I would have gladly sat down with him and got everything out on the table.

But no. He'd been an absolute pig and taken all his anger and frustration out on an innocent man in a violent way. A man who had done nothing wrong, a man who was only guilty of falling for me.

When Dean found out about Randy kissing me, he had wanted to hurt him, sure. But he hadn't. He'd done the decent thing, he'd left things alone, he knew he wasn't involved and so left Randy and I to it. But when things were the other way round, when the shoe was on the other foot, Randy hadn't.

If Dean and I were together, it was none of Randy's business, same as it would have been none of Dean's business if Randy and I had tried to be together after his kiss.

I had never seen this vile side of my friend before, and it got me mad beyond compare. He showed his true colours, he hurt and attacked someone who he had no business of approaching. This wasn't Dean's fault and it never would be. I fell for him and that was that. It was something Randy had to understand and accept.

At the end of the day, it was always going to be Dean. Whether Randy had admitted his feelings four years ago when he got them or even as early as yesterday, my decision would always have been the same. I never saw Randy in that light and I never would. He was my best friend and that's all he ever would be.

But that brought me to my other reaction... pure and unadulterated sadness.

I just wanted to drop to the floor and cry my heart out until literally no more tears could fall.

I'd lost him. My best friend was gone. It felt as if over half my life befriending him had been a total waste and now it had all fallen down the drain. Whatever friendship we had, it was gone now, and I knew it would be almost impossible to get back.

There was no way we could come back from this. He'd attacked the man I was with for jealous and selfish reasons, he'd ruined everything we'd worked towards at work as The Authority, he broken my trust, and when I was at my lowest and most vulnerable he'd tried to kiss me again, knowing I was with someone, knowing it was the last thing I'd want.

I never thought this would ever happen to us. Not when I met him aged 13. Not when I grew up knowing him. Not when I left for college. Not when I came home and worked for WWE with him. Not as we grew closer, the man becoming my best friend in the whole wide world.

But all that was gone now, it was all in the past. It never had to be this way, it could have been so much easier. I never dreamt Randy and I would end up this way. Not once.

Yet we had, our friendship was no more, and the heartbreak that brought was painful beyond belief. It killed that we wouldn't see each other everyday. It killed that we wouldn't hang out anymore or laugh together. No more going to dinner, no more movie nights, no more travelling to the arena together. I'd never be able to come to him for advice or comfort again, I'd never have his shoulder to cry on. I'd never have that security blanket that Randy provided for me.