Reality

Chapter 10.

Leo

Yeah, yeah. I'm a douche. I'm dramatic. I have a reason, though. My parents are getting divorced and my sister is going to live with my dad while I'm going to live with my mom. And yes, I still shouldn't have kissed Derek. I still feel like shit.

You know what else makes me feel like shit? Cora is dating the most perfect guy on the planet. But the idea of Derek dating someone makes my blood boil, I'm honestly so fucking confused. Life's fucked up.

When Cora looked at me I wanted to scream. So in order to not do that, I walked away. I walked over to where Derek was sitting and sat down.

"Derek," I said.

"Yes?"

"I know that I've said this a million times, but I'm sorry. So so sorry."

"I know you are."

"Then, please stop ignoring me. My texts, my calls, my attempts at conversation. I'm trying, Derek, I really am. I want you to try too."

"What if I don't want to try? What if I want to forget my feelings for you?"

"Derek, don't. Don't shut me out. Please."

"But-"

"No! We're best friends!"

"And that's all we'll ever be. I can't help that I'm so helplessly in love with you, Leo." With that Derek grabbed his books and walked away hurriedly. Fuck.

---

At lunch Derek was sitting with Cora, Christian, and all of his friends, so it was just Julia and I sitting at the table. "So what's your opinion on Cora and Chris?" Julia asked.

"I have no fucking clue what I think."

"Sounds like jealousy to me."

"Should I be jealous? No, I shouldn't, I should be happy for Cora."

"But you aren't."

"Exactly. I want to be happy for her, but I can't." I took a sip of my water. "I don't want to like her. Gosh, sometimes I wish she never came."

"Leo!" Julia slapped my hand. "Don't say that!"

"No, I mean, like she's amazing. She's a great friend, but that's not why I wish she never came. It's because everything's been so fucked up since she moved here."

"Leo, you need to tell her how you feel."

"I already did, and she fucking ignored it."

"I bet that's how Derek felt."

Fuck you, Julia. 

Looking around the room, I saw many things. Derek finally looked happy, joking around with Cora and Christian. Cora was holding hands with Christian. Some guys from the football team were pointing to the new couple. There were some girls from two tables over glaring daggers at Cora. Some guys were even glaring at Christian.

---

"Leo! Wait up!" I walked faster out of the school, to get away from the coming conversation. "Leo! Wait!" She caught up to me. Gosh dammit.

"What Cora?" I spat. She stepped back, looking hurt. "Cora, no, I'm sorry."

"Well I wanted to ask why you were ignoring me today?"

"I wasn't?"

"That sounded like a question to me."

"Fine, maybe I was ignoring you. It kind of sucks to see you with Christian, but I'm happy for you."

"Thanks?"

"Yeah, I hope he's good to you."

Cora smiled and said, "He is." Um, ouch. That hurt.

"Well, I have to go, homework and stuff." I started walking away but Cora grabbed my arm, forcing me to look into her light grey eyes. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose was light pink because of the cold. Her brown-to-blonde ombre hair was braided to the side. She looked stunning.

"Leo?'

"Yeah?"

"We're still friends right?"

"Of course." I smiled warmly at her before walking home.

I almost kissed her. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm such a fuck up.

He would paint a beautiful picture,

But this picture had a twist,

The paintbrush was a razor,

And the paper was his skin

Soon there were fresh cuts up my arm. Stop! Stop! Find help! Nobody wants to help me. I'm not loved.

I wrote four notes,

Dear Cora,

I'm going to miss you. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you were such an amazing friend. I think I'm in love with you, but your heart belongs to someone else. This isn't your fault. None of it is, even though somehow I always blamed you. I hate always being the happy one, and with you it always seemed I had to be happy. Although, I know that I didn't, you would've been there. Cora, don't upset yourself too much. This is my choice,

Leo.

Dear Derek,

I'm sorry I couldn't love you back. I'm sorry you had to watch me love someone else. I'm sorry that I went and fucked up everything we had by kissing you. I'm sorry for running away. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough. I'm sorry for giving up. You were my best friend, and maybe it could've been more. Don't hate me,

Leo.

Dear Julia,

Gosh, I don't even know where to start. You've been there from the start and I know you were there till the end. You were my home, my rock, my best friend. I know you would try to stop this, but please don't. This is my choice, I need to end this pain. I was holding you down, I was messing everything up, I was a fuck up. I am a fuck up. One thing I want you to know is that you were always my favorite,

Leo.

Dear Mom, Dad, and Gia,

Mom,

I love you so much. But your perfect little boy isn't so perfect. I couldn't do it.

Dad,

I know that you loved me, even though you were so harsh on me. Don't think this is your fault.

Gia,

I'm going to miss you the most.

I left each note at each person's house and drove to the bridge on the west side of town. Before someone could stop me, I jumped.

AN: THERE? Do you still hate Leo?

My friends have been giving Leo crap and saying he's over dramatic. Don't hate on my smol bean (lillye5486 and emmacorinnewrites)

Also I want to shoutout G1rlDatl0vesUn1c0rns because her comments make my day <3

~Kaylee