If We Just Lay Here // Dan Howell

Chapter 32

(DAN'S POV)

Opening the door to our room, I look on the floor to see (y/n)'s set of keys lying there. I bend over and pick them up. It's almost as if it is a sign to me that I have to find her and open her heart up one last time, like a lock and key. I place the keys on the counter and walk over to our bed. I sit on the red silky sheets and think about how I was able to hold her every night in this bed and it hurts that I probably won't be able to do that ever again, because of one stupid mistake.

I'm such a screw up.

"Are you sure about this Dan?" Phil asks, folding his arms as he leans against the door frame.

"I've never been more sure in my life! If I don't do this now, I'm scared that I'll never get her back" I say, sighing as I stand up from the bed.

"Damn Daniel" Phil states, "You really are serious about her aren't you?"

"Of course I am!" I exclaim, "You don't think it was my aim to play her or anything like that do you?"

Phil shrugs and looks down at the floor. Ouch. If that's what Phil thinks, god knows what (y/n) thinks! I pull my black suitcase out from under the bed and begin pulling drawers open to throw my things in the case. As I fold up my clothes and lay them in piles, Phil scrolls through his phone.

"What are you doing Phil?" I ask, closing one of the drawers.

"Looks like the news is already out there" Phil mumbles.

"News? What news?"

Ignoring my question Phil simply says, "(y/n) was right. Hollie is toxic."

I stand up from the floor and pace over to Phil. Before I can see what he is looking at, Phil pushes his phone to his chest.

"What the hell Phil!" I shout, becoming quite frustrated, "You can't just make a statement and not tell me what it's about!"

Phil just sighs and puts his phone in his pocket. What is his problem and what did he mean? Has Hollie done something to makes things worse or was Phil just trying to make a Britney Spears reference?  Whatever it is, I'm not letting this slip - (y/n) is involved therefore it is important.

"Phil what did you mean?" I ask, trying to stay calm.

"You obviously didn't give her what she wanted" Phil says.

"I know that...I told her I wasn't interested" I reply.

"Yeah well now everyone knows"

"What?!" I yell, "What has she done?"

"She's spreading that you guys were together but you only used her to make (y/n) jealous and when (y/n) said she didn't like you back and left the country, you still tried it on with Hollie"

What the hell?! I am livid! Hollie is just spreading lies so she gains publicity and I lose fans - I've been used! I walk up to the wall and begin smacking my head against it.

"Dan stop." Phil commands.

"I'm done for Phil. I've lost everything." I say, hitting my head against the wall harder.

"Stop this right now Dan!" Phil begs, becoming more desperate as he clasps his hands together.

"Everyone is going to hate me and Hollie is going to get what she wanted all along - (y/n) was right! I'm such a idiot!" I shout, my head becoming numb the more I hit it against the wall.

"Dan stop!" Phil yells, grabbing my shoulders and turning me around, "This is not helping anything!"

"Maybe if I hit my head against this freaking wall hard enough, I'll snap back into reality." I cry, holding onto my pounding head, "None of this was supposed to happen. There was nothing between Hollie and I! I just wanted to be with (y/n) but I messed up and now I'm paying the price."

Phil brings me closer to his face and he grasps my hands, pulling them down from my face.

"It might seem like that now but this whole thing will be cleared up soon!" Phil says softly, "Your subscribers will stand by you and if you prove to (y/n) how much you love her and didn't mean to hurt her, she may take you back. You're right, you need to travel to Scotland to get this dealt with as soon as you can! Finish packing and I'll come with you to the airport!"

"Ok, thanks Phil" I reply, rushing over to my case.

I continue to pack and Phil walks out the room, leaving me to question everything alone.

YOUR POV

After a while, you begin to calm down and you decide to pull your laptop out of your hand luggage. You open the lid and type your password 'Daniel' into it and see that Phil is calling you on skype. You pull your earphones out of your bag and plug them in so that you can answer the call.

"Hello?" You say.

A rather distressed looking Phil, wearing his black framed glasses, appears on your screen.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Phil asks.

"Better than I was" You sigh, "But if you're going to talk about Dan than I'm hanging up"

"Oh" Phil says, "Well I wasn't going to..."

"Phil you haven't told him have you?" You ask, becoming worried.

"Well I didn't tell him straight up..." Phil trails off.

"It slipped out didn't it Phil?" You mumble, placing your palm against your face.

"I'm sorry (y/n). I tried but Dan is so desperate to see you and explain the truth to you" Phil responds.

"He has nothing to explain to me Phil - I saw with own eyes!"

"Yes but you don't understa-"

"Maybe I don't Phil but I don't want to hear his excuses. I now have priorities and he isn't one of them. I'm moving on, he should too!"

You know that your tone of voice sounds confident in what you are saying but you know that you aren't moving on and you are dying to see Dan one last time. He hurt you but sadly, you just can't let him go.

"Please (y/n), give him a chance!" Phil says, looking desperate.

"Phil" You begin, "I've given him enough chances. Giving him another is only going to result in heartache! I want to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Phil asks, "What do you mean by that? Temporary or Permanent?"

You sigh and look down at your shaking hands; you know that what you are about to do is going to be tough but you need to do it so that you can move on.

"Phil, thanks for everything and being there for when Dan mucks up but it's not healthy for any of us to continue this loop of love and heartbreak. I need to move on and start to build up my own life. I really hope you enjoy your career and you go far in life but I don't think we should see each other again." You tell him, feeling tears form in your eyes.

You can't even look up at the camera as you know that Phil's response and facial expression will only make you cry.

"Can we just say a final goodbye?" You ask as your lips quiver.

"(y/n) I can't do that, please don't do this" Phil croaks.

"Phil, please understand that this isn't easy for me either but we need to do this so we can let go." You reply, "Just say goodbye."

There is a few moments of silence between you two and your broken heart thuds, waiting for the tension to stop building.

"Okay. Thanks for the memories and I hope you're able to move on. I'm sorry it came to this. Stay strong (y/n). Goodbye." Phil says, sounding incredibly sad.

You look up and see a single tear falling down Phil's pale face, making one fall from your own.

"Goodbye Phil" You cry.

Phil waves to you and you hang up the call. You close the lid of your laptop and begin sobbing into your hands. That was an incredibly hard decision for you but it's done now. You needed to do it.

It was the only way of letting go...