Sick of waking up in darkness
When the sky is always painted blue
There's a method to my madness
It's clear that you don't have a clue
Tulalang nakatingin lang si Karylle sa bintana ng kwarto kung saan nakaupo siya magisa. This is Yael and her friends' third attempt na ipakausap siya sa isang psychologist about sa condition niya.
"Karylle?" tawag sakanya ng isang babae. Tumingin naman siya saglit sa taong pumasok at bumalik din agad sa pagtulala.
"Hi, Karylle." sabi nito at umupo sa tabi ni K. "Kamusta ka na?" tanong pa nito kahit hindi naman interesado si Karylle na sumagot sakanya.
"Naalala mo pa ba ko?" tanong ulit nito. "Again, I'm Marianelle but you can call me Marian. I'm a psyholo- a psychologist and I can help you."
Napasmirk naman si Karylle at umiling, "Hindi mo ko kayang tulungan."
"Tell me about Vice." Marian said at unti unting lumapit kay Karylle. Ayaw naman niyang biglain ang paglapit dito dahil baka magwala na naman ito katulad ng previous meetings nila.
Umiling si Karylle at bumulong, "They all think I'm crazy." Umiling naman si Marian and tried to hold Karylle's hand pero nakiramdam muna siya kung papalag ba ito. Kalmado naman si Karylle na nakatingin pa din sa bintana to avoid any eye contact between her and Marian. "They wanted to help you kaya you need to answer my questions, okay?"
"Hindi ko kailangan ng psychologist." sagot naman ni Karylle.
"Then think of me as your friend. Talk to me." Marian said as she rubbed K's hand with her fingers. "Tell me about Vice." ulit nito.
Matagal na hindi sumagot si Karylle hanggang sa nagulat nalang si Marian ng bigla itong nagsalita, "Vice is a friend." she said. "Vice is more than a friend? I don't know."
Kinuha naman ni Marian ang ipad niya and opened a picture of Vice and Karylle. "Is this Vice?" she asked habang pinakita kay Karylle ang picture. Karylle took a glance and saw ang isa sa picture nila ni Vice na kuha ni Jugs. Tumango lang ito and bumalik na ang tingin sa bintana.
"How often do you see Vice?" tanong ni Marian.
"Thrice a week?" sagot ni Karylle. "Iba iba eh, minsan umaalis siya, hindi niya sinasabi kung saan... minsan ako 'yung hindi pwede kasi may asawa ako."
"You mean even after your wedding nagkikita kayo ni Vice?" tanong ni Marian habang nagsusulat sa hawak niyang notepad. Tumango lang si Karylle at parang nahiya sa sagot. "It's really complicated, okay?" depensa pa nito at for the first time ay tumingin sa kausap.
"So kailan nagstart 'yung pagkikita niyo ni Vice?" Marian asked. Karylle started playing with her fingers. "After the wedding... pagbalik namin, wala na siya sa Showtime. I tried asking where he was but they would not tell me. Nagbago lahat 'yung actions nila towards me and kapag nababanggit ko si Vice, ni hindi sila nagrereact."
Umayos naman ng upo si Karylle before continuing her story, "So, one day habang palabas ako ng studio. I saw him. He's standing there beside my car... nakatingin lang siya sakin. So, I run to him and hugged him. He was so cold so I asked him saan siya galing. Ang sabi niya wala daw ibang pwedeng makakita sakanya so we have to go elsewhere. I agreed."
Hindi pa rin nagrereact si Marian kaya naman tuloy lang si Karylle sa pagkwento, "After that, we kept seeing each other. It was on our 5th meeting when I kissed him and from that point, alam ko what we have isn't platonic... we were in his car that night..."
