How to Drive A Vampire Completely Insane. (Watty Awards 2011)(Book 1)

Ketchup! Mustard! Lap Dances! Oh My!

New chapter since so many people are reading it :) If you like it please comment or vote to let me know. I'm not gunna ask for a number of votes before I post... but votes do help me feel the glow inside that makes it easier to write :)

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I glanced at Billie, mentally cackling about our evil plan about to be set in motion.

Ben narrowed his eyes at me, "What are you two planning?"

I smiled innocently and Billie rocked back and forth on her heels. He rolled his eyes and walked a few feet ahead of us.

"So, are we going to go to Giovannis for lunch?" Billie asked slyly, making sure that Ben could hear her. I coughed to cover up a laugh.

When we arrived at the mall I lead the way over to Hot Topic.

"I want to buy another tee shirt!" I ran over to the huge wall covered in different band tees etc.

Then I froze, crashing into one of the displays in my carelessness. HE was working today.

By he I mean the boy I've had a crush on since I was 5 years old and he was a 7 year old 'cutie.' His name was Troy and he was 6'1ft tall, mucles like a god, dark hair and a jaw that just screamed for me to kiss it.

RAWR!

"Hi Darcy." Troy greeted when he heard the noise of me crashing into the display.

I stuttered out something that sounded rather like, "Noethbelh" I clamped my hand over my mouth in horror, I'm going to die of embarrassment.

Smirking, Troy stepped closer to me and bit his lip, a habit of his that always made me have the urge to shove him against the wall and make little grandbabies. (not that I'd have enough courage)

"Uh-uh-uh." I stuttered again, trying to remember how to form entire sentences.

But my memory was too consumed with his hotness to remember.

Troy burst out laughing, "You crack me up Darcy." He patted me on the shoulder and walked off to help a customer.

Ben and Billie walked up behind me and started to laugh.

"Wow, that was very---stupid." Ben mocked me, trying to get back for all the evil things I'd done. (pathetic)

But Billy gave a thumbs up to me, "That was two entire syllables more than last time! Soon you might be able to form the word 'hello'.

Ben raised an eyebrow, "So---Darcy has a crush!" He smirked at me, and I felt the 'bad' vibe coming off of him.

"Crap, lets go eat!" Billie saw my face and immediately created a diversion so Ben wouldn't have time to humiliate me for life.

I grabbed onto Ben's hand and bolted out of the store, "Come on Billie I'm hungry!"

Billie glanced at Troy and saw to her shock that he was staring after Darcy and Toothy with a look of jealousy on his face.

"I will tuck that into my brain folds and ponder about it later." She muttered as she raced outside and over to the restaurant.

I pointed to a table for three near the door, "I'd like that one if its not too much trouble." I gave the waiter a begging look and he grinned.

"Anything for you Darcy." He led us over and pulled the chairs out for Billie and myself. Ben watched this with disbelief on his face.

"Dude, you guys have every male eating out of your hands."

I folded my hands over my plate, "they're all afraid of what we'd do if they werent." My words had loads of meaning behind them and I saw Ben gulp slightly as he picked up the menu.

The waiter came over a few minutes later and Ben started first in giving our orders.

"I want a plate of spaghetti please." He folded the menu back up and handed it to the young man.

He looked at Billie next, "And for you my dear?"

Billy giggled, "Garlic bread and raviolis please." She tossed the menu at Ben's head but he caught it before it hit his face.

I smiled before giving my order, "A hamburger and fries---PLENTY OF KETCHUP!!" I added on the end, not only did I LOVE the stuff but we needed some for our---master plan.

Ben put his elbow on the table then leaned his head against his fist, "Why the weird food choice?"

I shrugged, "I'm not a vegetarian."

He stared at me blankly and I sighed, annoyed with his stupidity.

"I need a balanced amount of fat-hormone-filled beef at every meal."

Ben's eyes glinted maliciously, You really should eat that you are fat enough.

Billie gasped and I flushed red, Your going to regret that Benny.

The waiter came back carrying our food order

Time for the master plan. I whispered, relishing the thought of the embarrassment Ben.

I glanced at Billie, almost cackling in delight at the thought of what would be happening in a matter of minutes. She winked at me and then proceeded to bite into her meal.

There was no reason to waste a perfectly good hamberger by starting the plan to soon! The burger was cooked just how I liked it and I sighed happily.

Ben scratched his head, not sure if he should be suspicious of our behavior. I guess we were able to calm down enough for him not to be too suspicious.

"Billie, can you pass me the ketchup?" I asked innocently, hoping she would catch my hint. She did and wordlessly handed me the glass bottle while grabbing the mustered container with her other hand.

I opened the lid and stood up, making sure I was placed correctly. I waited for Ben to look up at me before I started.

He did indeed look up at me, the second our eyes met I smiled wickedly and brought the bottle up from my side and held it near my chin.

"What in the world are you doing with that Darcy?" Ben questioned, setting down his fork and wiping his face with his napkin.

"Merry Christmas Benny!" I shouted, while I turned the bottle upside down and shook it's contents onto his head and face.

"I'm going to fuc-" Ben started to sputter but he was cut off by Billie squirting the mustard into his open mouth and all over his shirt and pants.

"And a happy New Year!" She finished off.

Then I dropped the bottle onto the table and straddled his lap, putting my hands on his shoulders and pressed my body against his.

I saw the red start to creep into his face and I smirked. Slowly I stroked his chest with one of my hands while grinding into his crotch region

[Insert awkward pause]

Ben's breathing started to speed up and against his will his hands grabbed my thighs and pulled me closer.

Seductively I rubbed my hands up his neck and cheeks and tangled my fingers in his curly hair. To add the finishing touch I scooted so close to him that our chests were pressed against each others.

He moaned, and brought his hands to my waist. Ben stood up and I brought myself into a standing position without breaking contact with most of his body.

Roughly I pushed him back into the chair and leaned forward slowly, as if I was going to kiss his lips.

But at the last second I pulled away and hopped off his lap.

Billie cleared her throat and said loudly enough that the crowd of people now watching our fiasco could easily hear, "Why Darcy, even though Benny's sitting down, I believe he's giving you a standing ovation."

I cracked up and grabbed my bag off the ground, Billie did the same and we ran off leaving him speechless, dirty, and aroused.

I stopped outside of the restaurant and gave Billie a high five.