Endless Love

47

It's been two hours, soon as I got home I slipped out of my dress, and drank two bottles of liqour, and I was so numb that I didn't even feel drunk. I been on the floor by the window in the living room since I came home and haven't moved since. Bottles are lined up one next to the other, my phones ringing and buzzing off the hook on the side table. Lily came out a few times and asked me if I was okay, all I could do was lie and say I was fine. I heard knocking at the door a few times, didn't answer it, but I know Tay would come sooner or later since she had her own key.

"Liyah?" She said unlocking the door and slowly shutting it as she walked over to me. "Damn girl you look out of it." I just stared at her and took another sip, I was at the point I wasn't even using a cup anymore. "Okay I'm sorry, but stop this fucking drinking." She said snatching the liqour from me and taking the other bottles. I put my hand on my forehead and laughed.

"You know what's so funny to me? I listened to everyone else, I didn't listen to me. Everyone know's I wasn't ready to move on from Josh a year ago. But my dumbass, listened to all of you fucking people." I said slowly getting up, stumbling a little bit. Even if I couldn't feel drunk in my mind, physically I was.

"Liyah, this is not your fault or anyone elses that said  to move on, you even said yourself a few times that you needed to move on aswell."

"No! At first, I didn't want too, I didn't want this! All of you were in my face, screaming 'move on', 'you don't know if Josh will wake up', 'you'll be fine, get married.' All that bullshit!" I said picking up a vase of flowers and throwing them at the wall, and Tay tried to hug me but I fought her a bit, I didn't want her to comfort me, I didn't want anything from anyone, but I quickly got tired and gave in.

"You're hurt right now, and confused, I know. You wanted to move on too sometimes and that's no one's fault, you fell for someone else in his absence it was something that was possible to happen!" She said hugging me, and letting me cry on her.

"He was the last person I expected to walk in. It was like I was dreaming."

"Girl everyone in that church thought we were hallucinating, you aren't the only one. But you need to give yourself some time now, cause it's clear you don't know what you want right now."

"It's been a year, and the last time I went to see Josh he was still the same, knocked out in the bed. How is this possible?" I said and my phone still kept ringing, and Tay grabbed it for me.

"It's the hospital, it's probably Josh. Sit down, answer it, I'll go see Lily." She said giving the phone to me and walking towards Lily's room. I answered and I didn't say anything, and neither did he. I know he heard me sniffling and crying on the other end.

"Josh?"

"Liyah."

"You wanna talk to Lily?" I said as the phone went silent and I could hear nothing on the other side. "Hello?"

"How could you do this to me Liyah? You know I was trying to change, and you know we were meant for eachother no matter what wrongs were made or what I did to fuck something up, you knew I was who you wanted."

"Before you ended up in the coma I thought it might've been too late. After you told me Sabrina was pregnant I just felt like I couldn't take any more secrets, you aren't so innocent yourself. Once I kept filling my head that I thought I was over you, going to try and move on, now I'm wrong for having thoughts of maybe being happy?"

"I wouldn't of married anyone else if it wasn't you-"

"That's a lie Josh! Sabrina told me you and her were thinking of that, then I came along. Look at that, it's just like with Ryan and I, then you came back along and now I'm just as fucked up because I thought I was over you and I seen your face everything came right back. Now I have feeings for two people jumbled in my mind. You may can do that type of thing but I don't think I can."

"She told you that, don't you even notice how stupid that sounds?! How you don't know if she was lying?! And you really, thought or think he's the one for you?"

"I don't know Josh! For a moment I felt, I don't know, maybe-"

"Wow Liyah, really?"

"Josh I don't know it's almost been a year! You're making it worse asking me if I was even sure and if I thought he was the one, I don't even know! I don't know if you even are! You woke up and got shit twisted for me now! All this shit just came up so fast, it hit me out of no where, one day you're half ass alive and then the next day here you are. Do you know how much that broke me?"

"No you know Liyah, you know you love me, you know you want me. There's no way you fell in love with someone else knowing I was laying unconcious, I won't believe it it's not right no matter what you're thinking in your head." After that more tears started to fall down my cheeks and I just stayed silent, I didn't know how to explain anything to Josh because it's been a whole year and he's picking up where he left off, and I was a year ahead, falling back into where he was. As I cried he still kept going, saying all this stuff and it just made me feel low. "And all I keep hearing is that it's been a year, shit for me it doesn't feel like a fucking year it feels like a few days. I wake up to see you marrying somebody else, and my daughter standing there with a flower basket-"

"Josh I get it! I know! It sucks, you're upset, I know! I know it was wrong but you have to understand just cause it feels like a few days to you, I went a whole year awake, sad, going crazy cause I couldn't talk to you! So what I ended up growing feelings for someone else, that doesn't mean my feelings for you ever left Josh! They're obviously still here!"

"Yeah, and I obviously don't know that they are, you could've fooled me." He said hanging up and my phone started buzzing again from more notifications, and then Ryan's name came up and I threw the phone across the room, right at the wall and it broke.

"What the fuck!" I said throwing things, breaking glasses and I seen Tay walk towards the door with Lily in her arms. "No! You aren't taking her anywhere!"

"Liyah until you fucking calm down she's gonna be with me, she doesn't deserve to see you this way she's not apart of this!" She said throwing open the door and there was Ryan, he was one of the last people I was ready to face right now, I didn't have a clue of what to even say to him.