Endless Love

42

"Why won't you wake up? You're making things hard for me. There's someone that I think loves me, and I don't know if I feel the same about him. I miss you so much that it's controlling me. I don't know if I want to move on but something tells me to not let go of you."

I said but as you know I got no reply, I'd do anything to hear his voice. I kept my head against his chest and just listened to his heart beating, and cried until I was slowly starting to fall asleep.

I was about ten minutes in my sleep, but then I felt his hand that was under mine, I felt it move. I jumped up and looked at his face, his eyes were still closed and it looked the same. I don't think I was that far into my sleep, I know what I felt. I slowly got up from the bed and got the nurse that was just outside in the hall.

"I felt him move, his hand moved."

"Are you sure? Did you see it move?"

"No but I felt it, my hand was ontop of his-"

"It could've very well just been a twitch, it happens sometimes. If he was awake or waking up, eyes are usually first." She said looking at me, she was the expert but I still didn't want to believe what she was saying, to me it was a sign of progress. Then again, she could be right. I've been so stuck in my head ever since the dream this morning.

"Okay, you might be right though. It just scared me that's all. I don't know-"

"It's okay, I'll make sure to look in on it. But you look restless, you should go get some rest." I nodded my head and walked out the room wiping the tears from off my cheeks. I didn't have anywhere to go for a distraction, I was out of work and Tay was out of town for a few days. I had nothing else to do but stay at the hospital, but before I could even relax I seen someone walking from down the hall that I didn't want to see, which was my mom.

"Why are you even still here? Don't you think you've done your fair share of destruction in my life? Leave me alone!"

"I just wanna fix things! You won't even give it a try!"

"Cause I know how you are! You're manipulative, and a liar! Do you need me to go down the list?"

"I'm sorry about all I put you through in the past, everyone is older now including you, I have a granddaughter that doesn't even know who I am. You can't hide from me forever, from where you came from." My mom was the best unpaid actress I knew, if she wasn't on so much drugs and drowned in alcohol every other day Hollywood would love her. She could lie her way out of anything, and it was terribly amazing.

"And she won't. All she needs is me, that's all she had from the start. That's all I had from the start. And I don't hide anything about myself, I just keep a small circle."

"Your dad called and asked about you by the way."

"I don't care! Why are you even standing here telling me! I'm sure the whole family finally called and asked about me, did they ask for my credit card numbers too or did you say you didn't quite get those yet?"

"No Liyah, and I've changed!"

"No fuck that! Fuck your 'change', you didn't change! Do you know how many attempts from you I got over the years saying you've 'changed'! You'll never change! And if you think you'll be anywhere near Lily you better think twice. Any of you!" We were yelling so loud I'm sure people on the other floor heard us.

I could see the anger in her face, that anger she'd get when I'd tell her no when I was younger. It feels good to see her get this way, and not be able to hurt me because of it. Without a word she walked back down the hall, and I watched her get on the elevator. I had to get out of there before I caused a scene, and before I really went crazy but I waited a couple minutes before leaving, just incase she chose to be stupid and walk back up here, I didn't want her anywhere near Lily or filling Josh's head with shit, I don't know if he could hear but she was the devil, she was so evil she probably would be the one to wake him up.

I finally was able to leave and just got in my car, this morning was just an emotional rollercoaster for me. Before I pulled off my phone rang, I didn't look at the name instead I just answered it out of aggrevation.

"What?!"

"Well good morning to you too." I heard Ryan say and laughing on the other end.

"I'm sorry, I just had a morning to remember, I'm not really in the mood-"

"I'm sorry your having a bad day, wanna talk about it?"

"I don't, I just don't wanna think about it."

"Alright babe. How about we go on a date later, just you and me? I have something I want to talk to you about."

"Sure, what is it? Is something wrong?"

"Don't worry about it, it's nothing to worry about. Just relax babe, I'll see you soon alright?" He said hanging up the phone quickly, which made me mad. I hated surprises, I liked to know what was going on or what you had to tell me. I've never felt so confused, I still was so stuck on Josh, couldn't let go. I liked Ryan but I'm not sure if I loved him, I don't think I should've told him I loved him too, guess we'll see how tonight goes, maybe it'll help me sort my feelings out.