How to Drive A Vampire Completely Insane. (Watty Awards 2011)(Book 1)

27 Ways To Drive A Vampire Completely Insane.

"Lets go!" 

I glared at my mothers back as we walked out the front door, "There should be a law about acting like that in public." 

The grass between the two houses was green and thick, I had spent many days laying on it and day dreaming about my future husband. Now that there were people living in that house, I couldn't do that anymore because there's no telling if someone's watching. Yeah like hot guys with weird eyes. I giggled out loud, Hey that rhymed!

We climbed the wooden steps that lead to the door, and waited after my mom rang the doorbell. There was no light inside the house, and I felt a flash of hope that maybe I would get lucky, but then I saw a light flicker on inside.

"Crap." My dad poked me in my liver area and I stuck my tongue out at him, "This is America I can express my free opinion."

The door opened revealing a lovely middle-aged couple that immediately started hugging my parents and saying this like, "We've missed you," or "How have you been." 

"This was a set up." I groaned, glaring daggers into my parent's backs. They paused, looking back at me; I growled and stalked inside. 

It was dark and somewhat creepy, due to the many candles that gave off dim pools of light. The floor was covered in a dark carpet, black or red I couldn't be completely sure. I followed the parents into a living room, wishing I could be home writing my sappy fictional stories, but no I was stuck with strange people.

"Darcy come meet the Smiths, our long time friends from college." My father said, tugging me over by my arm so I stood in front of them.

"Nice to meet you." I muttered politely, avoiding their gaze by studying the carpet pattern. It was a nice pattern, all swirly and spinny, no wait the floor wasn't spinning it was my head!

I moaned, not again! I was quite prone to having fainting spells at the worst possible times. There was no way to control it despite all the doctors I've seen and meds they've given me. 

"Darcy!!" My mother's voice said quietly, or wait was it loudly? I couldn't tell because I collapsed onto the floor and passed out. 

"Ow." I opened my eyes, I always got major headaches after a fainting spell. I noticed the room I was in and I sat up quickly, not a very good idea. My head pounded horribly and I fell back onto the soft pillows.

"Your awake." A male voice said from next to me, making me scream in fright.

"Hoover Dam where the hell did you come from?" I gasped, holding my heart and staring into the face of weird.cute.guy.

"I was sitting right beside you the whole time." He replied, a strange smile crossing his handsome face. 

I rolled my eyes, pulled out my driver's license, and stuck it into his face. "Oh look, according to this," I pointed to the date of my birth, "I wasn't born yesterday." 

The boy sat there, a stunned and slightly scared look on his face, obviously he wasn't used to insane people. I smirked, insane wasn't the half of it.

"What's your name?" I asked him, slowly sitting up and yawning. He didn't answer for a minute and I started to get annoyed, "Well?"

"You are sure impatient, my name is Benjamin but you can call me Ben." He stuck his hand into my face and I shook it firmly. 

"You know my name of course." I commented, giving him a mysterious look. I had been racking my brain for an explanation to the face I'd seen him do from my window, and I finally came to a conclusion.

The boy tried to look innocent but I crossed my arms and shook my head slightly, "It's no use Benny I've figured out what you are." I watched his face intently for his reaction and I wasn't disappointed.

His face flushed, his eyes changed into that weird red color again and his jaw clenched, "What do you mean 'what I am'" 

I waved my hand in the air, "I saw your little eye change thingy before I fell of my window seat, and thanks to my favorite book I know what you are, a vampire." 

Ben stood up, towering over me with a dangerous look on his face, "You are a very smart girl Darcy, but aren't you a little worried I might suck you dry?" He bent over me, forcing me to fall back against the pillows.

My stomach clenched in fear but I wasn't about to let this boy know that, "Pfft, no way you can't do that to me." 

Ben raised an eyebrow, "Why do you say that? You smell wonderful from here and I don't see anything stopping me." He grinned and sniffed my exposed neck.

My skin tingled where his nose came into contact with it, but I ignored that, "Because I'm allergic to boys biting my neck and sucking my life's blood out." I nodded seriously, "The doctors say its irreversible, but I'll live as long as I don't allow anyone to suck me dry."

Ben pulled away from me, "you are without a doubt the strangest girl I've ever met." 

20 minutes later He and I was situated in the kitchen of his house, and I was having a blast driving him crazy. 

"So If someone was to stab you with a spork, you wouldn't die?" I asked, trying to act uninterested.

Ben nodded slowly, "Uhh yeah pretty much it wouldn't really hurt or kill me, it just is really annoying when you get poked or stabbed." 

I laughed evilly and pulled a spork from my pocket which I kept there for emergencies like this one, "I don't believe you!" I stabbed him in the chest as hard as I could.

He growled and pulled the spork out and threw it at me, "Why the heck did you do that?" He looked ready to rip me into shreds."

I shrugged, "I have to make sure you are still dead." I grabbed the spork and jabbed it into the arm closet to me, ignoring his shout of anger, "Oh good you're still dead, I was worried for a second."

10 minutes later:

"Darcy If you do that again I'm going to-" Ben growled, holding onto the counter top, probably to keep himself from doing just that.

I gave him a cute smile, "I'm just worried you might suddenly become alive and then I might end up killing you if I stab you with a knife so thats why I'm stabbing you with a spork just to be sure I wouldn't be able to kill you with a knife." I gasped for breath after my long speech, and also holding back my laughing trying to force itself out of my system. But I knew that Ben might go over the edge if I started to laugh so I held back.

"Your such a bitc-" Ben started to say again but was cut off by me stabbing him in the shoulder.

14 minutes later

"IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU!" Ben yelled at me, trying to look scary but I just smirked and stabbed him in the leg.

15 minutes later.

Ben and I sat on the couch in his living room. I had my trusty metal spork and was stabbing him at random times. He looked ready to kill something but I knew he had finally given up on my sanity and learned to accept my strange forms of amusement.

21 minutes later

"84 jabs in your arm, 84 jabs in your arm, and the best part is you can't do little old me any harm." I sang to the tune of '99 bottles of beer on the wall', stabbing him along with each new number.

Ben groaned loudly, "I thought being chased all over the world by vampire hunters was bad, It was nothing compared to how much your driving me insane!" 

I smiled, satisfied that I was actually accomplishing something important, maybe this guy would be ok, once he was completely out of his mind that is