Forever Dawn

12. Thinking (Bella's POV)

There was also no Edward, but when I was by him, sometimes all the thoughts melted out of my head, forced out by his presence, and all I could think about was kissing him, being with him, forever. I was just the mortal girl who'd fallen down the rabbit hole into this beautiful happily ever after with the man who had haunted my dreams. Sometimes that's what I feared this all was, a dream. The most beautiful, most vivid dream, and Renee was going to wake me up any second and shuffle me out the door to school. But no dream stretched for years. Not one single dream.

All of us had someone who loved us with their lives, beyond our wildest dreams. I had Edward, who was overprotective and loving. Esme had Carlisle, who I admired. He was smart and clever and thoughtful. He was the glue that held us together. And Renesmee had Jake. Whether she knew how much he would do for her or not, I knew he would do anything for her. Anything. He had been the light in my life during that horrible time when-I wouldn't let myself think it. All I would think was that he had been my boyfriend. Had been.

He was the exact opposite of Edward. Rash, rushing into things, loud. But he had the largest heart, and I had shattered it. But no matter what Renesmee did, she would be unable to break it. She was his whole entire life. She was the reason he was alive.

I sat down. The dappled sunlight drifting though the leaves swam across my arms, lighting up each spot it touched like a diamond spotlight. I stood there, transfixed, halfway between sitting down and standing up, staring at my arm. No matter how many sunny days I experienced, I had never gotten over the phenomenon. My arms were not that breathtaking, but sparkling this way, I could see how the world's most dangerous predator collected its prey. We were beautiful. Beauty and mystery attracted almost every human. So easy to catch our prey.

A cold breeze blew through the trees. At least, it would have been cold if I were human. I let out a sigh. I missed the cold feel of nature. I was colder than it, everything but rock and snow. I stood up, and started walking back towards the house. Walking, because the game was nowhere near over yet. Renesmee was probably still watching raptly, while Esme tried to get her to eat lunch. I knew she would refuse. She loved human food, but because she was eating it because she couldn't hunt would easily make it less delectable. It would still be awhile before Rose cracked, I knew, because Alice and her could go on for hours. Sometimes Rose even won.

Carlisle was at the hospital today, somehow sneaking out even through the danger of sunlight. This morning it was cloudy, and he was doing surgery, so he would be nowhere near windows.

Emmett and Jasper were on the computer, happily planning a hunting trip. And Edward was probably coaching Rose in the game. He was an excellent coach.

I smiled. I could just see Alice's annoyance with Rose having a secret weapon.

It's helpful to know what's in someone's mind, although you have to be very quiet whispering their move to them.

I smiled, plucking a wildflower and sticking it behind my ear. It was bright purple and white, and so beautiful, that I wanted to remember its delicious smell and silky feel forever. I knew Renesmee would love it. I would carry it in my hand, except I was so afraid of crushing it.

I smiled as I thought about the expression that would be on her face when she saw what I was carrying. She would be elated.