OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.

Lessons from the Darkness.

Heartfelt Reflections: Lessons from the Darkness.

I decided to use this chapter to talk about the lesson I have learnt in the experiences I have shared with you.

I started off having a profound mental illness of anorexia that killed me inside and out. I was really against recovering as I was so attached to being slim. I was controlled by my eating disorder, and it did not want to let me go. 

Despite me knowing God was all powerful, despite me knowing how he raised Jesus from the dead and delivered people from suffering in the bible, despite me reading how capable he was of healing, despite me knowing he was omnipotent-In candid and regrettable terms, I perceived my eating disorder as overpowering. I felt no one could separate me from the impactful illness; maybe a bit of me felt it was my safe place.

God proved my beliefs to be false by working hard to help me recover, by bringing many adults, people, and professionals into my life to teach me valuable lessons. They opened my eyes, changed how I saw my body and my fears towards food. They made my recovery easier. The professionals empowered me to recognize my worth, while the divine intervention of God revealed my purpose in this world and His plans for me. I

f I were insignificant, God would have allowed the eating disorder to take my life, God would have let the devil convince me to take my life. In Job 1:12, the devil wanted to kill Job but let us explore what the Lord said. "Very well," said the LORD to Satan. "Everything he has is in your hands, but you must not lay a hand on the man himself." Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD. This verse was how I felt. I knew, and Pastors around us supported this too, that the devil wanted to kill me, but I felt God had used his divine protection around me.

I knew I had a purpose due to this and you do as well. If you are still fighting this battle and reading this- God has used me to tell you that you are worth living. Do not let the eating disorder kill you- you have not got to fully experience life yet.

I will now take you through the lessons I had learnt in this journey that had an incredibly impactful and transformative effect on me. I hope this impacts you as well. Not only do these lessons help with an eating disorder but with any mental illness.

PREFERENCES:

On the 11th I had my regular body image session with a CAMHS member who acted as a therapist. I had it every Thursday and the things she would tell me really helped.

She had told me one thing and set me a task which influenced me positively. We will call her Emily.

Emily had showed me a picture of a breed of Dogs. She had asked me which dog I would have, and I pointed at the Husky. When she asked me why I told her it was because they look cosy, they protect their owners, and they seem caring. When I had asked her the same question back, she had chosen a small puppy, she expressed how it is because they were familiar to her, and she finds them cute. We pursed to explain our reasons for why we chose the dogs we chose; she pointed out to me how we both had different preferences, Emily had preferred smaller dogs whilst I had preferred bigger dogs. To me, this exposed how people had different things to which they were biased.

The reason I am telling you this is because if you were like me that felt that the standard was to be 'skinny and petite' and therefore pursued to shrink yourself in a toxic manner to be acceptable to society, you should know that not everyone likes 'skinny and petite'. Another thing you should notice is that the reason I had chosen the Husky was nothing to do with its weight, hence not everyone will validate and approve of you because of your weight or appearance but because of your values, personality, vibe and the energy you give off.