'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-.
This is my story.
You probably have struggled like how I have too.
These were my coping mechanisms.
This was a battle.
A battle you may have experienced as well.
This was ongoi...
On this day, it had been 7 days into my plan to eat more; to heal.
I'd been eating 3 small meals which is better than before. The meals were still tiny but slowly progressively bigger portions than before.
At this point I had completely forgotten what normal eating is. What normal portions size where as my body would easy become full; I'd barely get hungry. I knew didn't trust me anymore with food.
In my head I labelled foods 'good' or 'bad'. My body was still being punished in a way as I hid it from yummy fun foods. Like sweets, foods with oil inside. I ate no oil at all.
I'd fry foods with water, not even butter.
I had still been eating small calories but a better than before.
Progression was happening and that's all that mattered.
Most importunately, I felt more energetic and strengthened than the other days before and I could walk for long periods.
I liked feeling stronger and I felt a bit more confident around some foods. Once you feel stronger after feeling weak and ill for a long time, the feeling is so refreshing and motivating. I pray you will experience strengthening, Amen!
I felt proud of myself and knew I'd consistently try do 3 meals a day, maybe increasing the portions gradually.
I did feel a bit guilty: the small meals I had been having is healthy but for dinner I had a third of Chinese udon, as the portion given was too large for me, that day and anxiety overtook me but it's normal as I was only a week into 'recovery'. However, I kept researching how much calories that could have been in it as my dad had ordered it as a takeaway and the restaurant didn't provide nutritional value. I knew this was a problem/ inconvenience I wanted to rid. But it was too hard, like riding a ritual. I shouldn't have felt guilty as overall all I ate that day was minor and healthy so now reflecting I'm confused. Anorexia is confusing.
I also forgot to mention. My family never ate together, we'd all eat separately, different or similar dishes at our own times in our rooms, this is why my ED was easy to hide in the past. However, because of how my parents saw how I was motivated to eat that yogurt that day with my sisters help, my dad decided we'd start eating dinner for a while together as a family. So that day and the couple days before I'd eat dinner with my family (my meals were different) and I loved it as they learnt not to judge but motivated me. Therefore, eating with others is a good way to heal a ED as we believe eating is bad; seeing others eat makes you feel it's completely normal and ok because it is good to fuel your body! No. God's body as 1 Corinthians 6:19 says 'Do you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own?''
I honestly love the family God provided me with, they were another key to my recovery as they weren't judging but caring and trying to be understanding.
My sister suggested affirmations which I didn't even know existed. Another key to recovery as it reverses the negative thoughts embedded in our heals overtime.
Spiritual Affirmations:
اوووه! هذه الصورة لا تتبع إرشادات المحتوى الخاصة بنا. لمتابعة النشر، يرجى إزالتها أو تحميل صورة أخرى.
