'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-.
This is my story.
You probably have struggled like how I have too.
These were my coping mechanisms.
This was a battle.
A battle you may have experienced as well.
This was ongoi...
A new month that God had brought me into. When some having survived from anorexia or made it as long as I have, I thank God.
If you're suffering from anorexia or depression and you're still alive and breathing, even reading this, Thank God!
Exactly one month ago I vowed to myself and my family that I would start recovering as I was done with the suffering. Therefore, It has been exactly a month into recovery for me. Although I had been recovering myself for a month, I was proud that I was still going. I knew I was still going because God was with me at every situation, keeping me going.
However, when the month started my heart burn started again. It felt like where my heart was was very painful and the pain radiated to my armpit. It was so worrying and weird as I had the exact pain on June 1st. When I look at a new month, I look at a fresh new beginning so it really did annoy me when I started the past 2 months in pain.
Anyway I was proud as this month I faced fear foods and the ones that stood out to me were pasta, bread and cookies. The reason why I pinpoint these ones are because they're so minor for me now. I didn't find them scary anymore as I faced them many times and nothing bad happened to me. I was ready to bring them to July with me, no the rest of the year, no the rest of my life. Bread and pasta were fine for me but cookies were only good for me when they were replaced as a meal. However, I hoped in July, I wouldn't need to have it as a meal but a snack alongside a meal. This day I wanted to show you what I ate this day. I was finally comfortable to show you what I eat as it's a good way to start recovery, the way I was eating before was most definitely not.
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This was me starting the month strong and what made it even more special was the fact I was getting my hair done for the 2 whole days, which was a good opportunity not to eat those days, however I still interrupted the hair appointment to go grab food to eat.
This what I ate yesterday.
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Yes carbs, as my body loves them. They're healthy in recovery and life as a whole. Also this day, I was just happy as I got my hair done and I actually felt pretty. Also, I had bagels in a while and goshhh I actually enjoyed them. I had no interest in food anymore and I just ate it for fuel in recovery but when it came to bagels I actually felt a bit of excitement. The bagels did not scare me at all nor did the ravioli. You can tell I didn't fear carbs as I had porridge, bagels in 2 days and ravioli.
I'm not sure if I didn't feel any guilt this day because I already felt so beautiful because of my hair but I like to believe it was Gods doing. I didn't think about food constantly anymore meaning my extreme hunger was fading. If you think about food constantly it's because your mind is hungry and wants food therefore, you should fuel yourself so it stops thinking about it. It's so nice when the thought of food isn't in your head, you feel cool.
I liked this day, I almost forgot about my chest pains.
