📝27/02/2024.
When you start to feel like the old you again, it hits you like a ton of bricks. One day, out of nowhere, emotions flood over you and the tears just won't stop. You cry because it's like you're finally alive again, actually feeling things.
I broke down when I realized how much of a jerk I had been when my anorexia was at its worst. My mom, who has always been there for me with so much love and care, got the brunt of it. I pushed her away, yelled at her for trying to help, and just couldn't stand her constant concern. And even though she tried to hide it, I could see the hurt in her eyes.
The guilt and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried my heart out, not just for how I treated my mom, but also for all the pain I had caused myself. Looking at my sickly, underweight body, I was shocked that I had ever wanted to be that way. It wasn't about missing being sick, it was about realizing the damage that had been done.
I bawled my eyes out thinking about how mean I had been to everyone, how numb I had become when I was in the grip of my eating disorder. Emotions were such a rarity back then, and now they're hitting me like a tidal wave. It's all so overwhelming - the shock, the regret, but also this newfound sense of connection to myself and the world around me.
Emotions felt foreign to me. But I had been gaining them back. I was more empathetic, aware and genuine due to me getting closer to recovery.
YOU ARE READING
OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.
Non-Fiction'But a black young girl of God cannot get Anorexia or mental illnesses-. This is my story. You probably have struggled like how I have too. These were my coping mechanisms. This was a battle. A battle you may have experienced as well. This was ongoi...
