How I found out transmigration was a thing.

Chapter 55 - The Upshot of Nearly Dying.

I hope the way I have written this isn't too confusing.  The bold print is meant to be remembered conversations.  And don't forget Adam's name is Eunuch Lee Jin Ho (not that I use that name too often).  Only Erin/Min calls him Adam.

It's been a month since that night, the last time I saw Yung-So. I can't bring myself to hate him. Everyone else in the pavilion does that for me. His name can't be mentioned without people spitting. Somehow I can't when remember his face. It wasn't the face of someone who hated me or sought revenge.

Sometimes I wish I was like the characters in movies and novels, who after a trauma, wake up with amnesia. I remember everything up to the point I thought I'd died.

I remember waking up amazed I'd survived and as weak as a kitten.  I had constant burning pain in my belly that made me almost wish I was dead. The bitter medicines did nothing for the pain. From previous life experience, I knew my body was fighting a losing battle with infection.

From what I've been told since then, I was sedated for four days so I couldn't move and open my wound, one wound. One. I still haven't reconciled that with my own memories. Many things about that night don't make sense. Like, Bruce coming to my rescue, or seeing a beautiful angel who looked like a Kpop star. I was sure he was there to take me to the next life...again. Or were they hallucinations due to lack of oxygen to my brain? Weeks have passed and I'm just as confused.

That first week was torture. Moving was a nightmare. Every nerve ending in my abdomen was raw. Unlike when I was bedridden before and lay silent and mute.  This time I was in constant pain. There were tears in Adam's eyes when he helped lift me, and I swear Lady Chun's face reflected the agony I was in. A team of physicians came and went, dressings were replaced, and fresh numbing poultice reapplied. 

Throughout, my bedchamber remained silent. No one spoke. It was as if my life hung on a thread so tenuous that any disturbance would snap it. My godmothers took turns taking care of me. Adam was always there and I wondered if he got any sleep at all.  Do-Yoon came every morning, never coming close. He'd stand by the door and glare at me from across the room.

The Crown Prince came every night as the lanterns were lit. He'd sit beside my bed and read while I drifted in and out of sleep.

A fever hit me two days after I woke. The infection had taken hold. There was a searing pain in my belly. My mind was foggy but still functioning enough to run through my collection of herbs and potions for things to help me heal. Honey, perhaps mixed with aloe and ground clove. I mulled over combinations of this and that. I felt I was growing weaker.  Death still had it's hooks in me.

It must have been the third day, in the dead of night I woke bathed in sweat. Lady Jiah finally broke the silence and I swear her voice was a balm for my soul. She proceeded to do what she does best, gossip, as she and Adam took turns wiping the sweat from my brow and neck. They had the same expression on their faces, fear.

It appeared I'd missed a lot of drama. Somewhere between telling me Lady Han's ankle had healed nicely and that the herb garden had been replanted that day, I stopped her.

"Tell me about that night. I was sure I was dying. How am I still here?" The words came out hoarse and soft.

Lady Jiah and Adam exchanged looks. She sent him away for tea and my favourite sweet rice cakes while she continued to wipe my chest and arms.

....

The servants and the guard patrolling their compound  were the ones who heard the noises from the garden. At first, they couldn't make out what it was. It got louder, honking, hissing, the beating of wings, and someone calling out as if he was fighting someone off.