Love, Not War (Book 2)

Chapter 146⚠️⚠️

She made Felix take a warm bath and helped him change his clothes and the sheets because they soaked in his sweat. They then laid down together and she hugged him tight. "Sleep sweetie. I'm here. No more bad dreams."

Felix didn't say a word. He couldn't sleep for a while but his mum kept stroking his hair and humming softly. Slowly, he drifted to sleep.

"We can't leave him like this" Mrs Lee said to her husband when she was sure Felix was fast asleep. "He needs help."

"I know" Mr Lee agreed. "But how are we going to help him without the public knowing? They harass me everyday especially after Aera's mother sued us, saying our son make her daughter commit suicide. We'll need a miracle to get us out of this one."

Mrs Lee stared at her husband in disbelief. "You know what, sometimes I think I'm the only one who loves our son."

"What?"

"You heard me." She said. "I mean, this is what you're worried about when our son cannot eat or sleep properly. It's been months now and he's been having nightmares every day. He keeps blaming himself for her death."

"Oh God." Mr Lee groaned. "Honey, I care about Felix. I love our son but I cannot just ignore the media. You know how they are. And Aera's mother is going to take things to court again. Felix will not be able to handle that. I'm sorry that I have not been putting much effort into making our son feel better but I have to take care of everything outside the house and our business too. Please understand."

Felix's mother sighed. She got up from the bed and hugged her husband. She knew things were hard for him too and he was trying his best. "I just can't stand seeing him like this." She said. "That girl has ruined our baby boy."

"He's not ruined." Mr Lee said, kissing her on the forehead. "Let's handle everything here then leave the country for a while okay? We'll have him treated anywhere you want and we won't come back until he has recovered. Is that okay with you?"

Felix's mother nodded then she turned to look at her Felix who was staring at them both. He woke up the second she left his side and he had heard everything.

Still, he didn't say a word. He just turned around and closed his eyes.

********

Present day....

Felix groaned, waking up to find himself in a dimly lit room. Every inch of him felt heavy and a dull throb pulsed in his temples. Blurry shapes swam in his vision, and he squeezed his eyes shut again, willing the swirling mess to settle.

"Finally, you're awake." came a voice from the doorway.

Felix opened his eyes, his vision still a little blurry, but he could see Mingi leaning against the doorframe. He then recalled that he had been talking to Mingi about Chan's past when he started recollecting some parts of his past then he passed out.

He blinked, sitting up as the grogginess started to fade away and his vision gradually cleared. It was then that he realized he was in Chan's room.

"How long was I out?" He asked, rubbing his temples, trying to alleviate the lingering headache.

"A few hours." Mingi said as he walked into the room and kept a bottle of cold water on the table for Felix. "It is 10 pm. I already told Hyunjin that you're here so don't worry. He's downstairs if you want to see him."

Felix just nodded, still feeling a bit shaken by his memories. He could vividly recall everything. The first time he met Aera, how they got together, how happy they were.....until she took her life right in front of him.

He closed his eyes and his body shivered from the memory. It felt so fresh in his mind. Like it happened just yesterday.

"Are you okay?" Mingi inquired, feeling concerned. "You don't look so good."

"I don't feel good." Felix admitted as he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. How could he feel good after everything he remembered? Everything he saw? "I'll be in here for a while."

"Take your time. I'll be downstairs if you need me." Mingi said for could tell that Felix needed his space.

Felix just nodded and went into the bathroom, locking it. He stood before the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

He was sickly pale, his usual vitality drained by the haunting memory of Aera's tragic demise. He was trembling so much he started to feel nauseous and his vision began to swim.

As the scene replayed in his mind, he felt like his heart was being painfully squeezed. The agony he felt when he remembered how Chan betrayed him was nothing compared to this one. This one felt like it was etched onto his very soul. It was so fucking painful.

He gazed down at his hands and all he could see was blood. A wave of nausea surged through him. With a shuddering breath, he stumbled toward the toilet seat and emptied the contents of his stomach.

"I'm sorry." He choked out, sobbing vehemently. "I'm sorry Aera. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

He was sorry for making her go through so much pain. He was sorry for being a coward. He was sorry for not defending her and protecting her. He was sorry for everything.

Violent sobs wracked his entire body. He sat on the cold tiles, crying and apologizing, conjuring up many ways he could have saved her.

He should have seen the knife. Why didn't he see the fucking knife?

Felix remained in that position until he his eyes burned and he could cry no mor then he got up, flushed the toilet and turned back to the sink, his trembling hands splashing cold water onto his face. The icy shock helped to numb the turmoil within him momentarily. He rinsed his mouth, trying to rid himself of the bitter taste that lingered.

⚠️⚠️

He opened the cabinet, hoping to find some painkillers when his eyes fell over a pair of scissors sitting right beside a first aid kit.

It was just for a fleeting moment but the thought of slicing open his wrists with the scissors danced around in his mind. He could do it. Just one slice. Sharp and quick.

But then, he thought of his family. Seonghwa, Jimin, Hyunjin, Changbin.....and Chan.

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