Tension - Central Cee - Kenza

Twenty Three.

Kenza.

It is just my luck that I have ended up back where I started off, back in Noor flat. Crazy thing is, I really thought I moved on and that I was doing something for myself when in actual fact my friends were right, I can't stand to be in that apartment and I can't be near him. That day was the last day I saw him really and I'm not evil, I want him to be safe. I want Oakley to be ok and I did drop him off that day and the girls went crazy on me but I just couldn't see him drive and then faint while doing it, I know they have no heart but I do and I care so that is my fault. I dropped him off and told him he should be taking care of himself and left it at that, maybe he will be ok but that's not my problem. I am trying to move on from it, the girls are taking me out this weekend. In real terms it was his birthday weekend and I was supposed to be in Cali but I am here, in this state. I think I've had enough of men now, I cannot do that to myself anymore. I cannot put myself through the shit anymore, I trusted him and that what happens. It's his birthday today too, I hate I remember that but it doesn't help with fans tagging me in videos and pictures of us, I don't need to see it. I have his stupid fans telling me he needs me, not my problem. I have things going on in my own life, my sister and brother to be exact "are you coming out? Of your slumber that is" my sister asked, I didn't see her walk into my bedroom "I am, is Leon here?" She nodded her head "good, I'll be out" smiling at her "stop thinking of him" I breathed out laughing "life is funny, you know what I do blame dad for half of this shit. If he wasn't such a criminal, and then mother snitching. Half of me feels like it's my fault too. He had his people after him, maybe it was a sign" my sister groaned out "fuck him, tonight we will have fun, fuck that shit" she closed the door, I need to go back out there more too. I need to do my gigs too, because I'm in this mood I ain't doing shit and that is my issue. I can say I did start to fall for him a lot, he has such a lovely personality and heart, nobody saw that but I did and it makes me so mad. He ruined it for us, he did all the cheating to come to me crying, makes no sense to me.

The way Clint is still in Noor life is funny to see, he just comes here for a quick nut and leaves but when I went near Oakley to drive him home I was the bad person. I need to leave this place quickly, I cannot be here any longer "the G herself, your sister has been through the trenches" Clint joked, his lame ass jokes of course "funny, I see you're bonding with my brother but you can stop now" sitting down on the sofa "temperamental, how are you? Welcome back to the flat of dreams, I mean the room was for my stock but hey" he laughed "don't worry I'll be leaving soon anyway, how are you Leon?" He seems happy "I'm glad I'm home" I feel like I made the right decision "good, I am glad you're home but honestly Leon, I don't want to hear any shit from you" I pointed at him "I'm being good, promise" he is laughing "big man is ok, we just FaceTimed the Live Yours boys" clearing my throat "whatever" trying to be funny with the sly Oakley dig, he really does piss me off "what you saying though? He went back in hospital, his wound got infected, Wadz found him on the floor passed out" getting up from the sofa, he needs to understand I don't care "I can honestly say I don't care, please miss me with that" it's so bizarre to me that he wants me to care about that "you do, that's why you walked off" he cackled "it's human to have a heart for someone, so next" waving him off "ignore him" Noor said "how can I ignore him when he makes those remarks, I hope he isn't coming" Noor cringed "oh bitch" staring at her "we are dating now" I groaned out "why you think he's always here? Look it's just us, some of his boy, just his. I told him off about keeping him away, he understands. Clint has a lovely personality, just let it flow" I will have to accept it "just raw for me, but thank you" how can I deny him when it's her flat, I need to move out. I need to gather myself and do my events, I think I've been so lazy but also I am sick of doing lives because it's full of his fans that tell me I made the mistake, and then the toxic male energy in those lives, I can't do it to myself.