GAGSTI! - (Completed)

Chapter 48

Di naman sa nagbibilang ako pero, two weeks na kaming nagda-date ni Allen. And I wouldn't say they were the best...but they made me feel better. The dates made me feel better in a sense that they let me forget the past hurts (temporarily) and they bring smile to my face (well, temporarily). Allen as I now know is very engaging. Madali ka nyang mapayaya kahit sa anong bagay, that is, kung hindi ka magre-react. Yes, Allen is fun to be with. But there were some ocassions where his definition of fun does not coincide with mine.

Fine for me is to be with the special children; fun for him is to be with me at his place, cuddling. I've been to his place more than once kasama mga kaklase nya. But it was my first time to be there na ako lang mag-isa. Meaning to say, kami lang dalawa. He invited me over for a dinner kaya tinurned-down ko ang nauna ng invitation ng mga girls na dinner date. Sa una, ayos lang sakin na he was touchy. Pero nung naging '' touchy'' touchy na sya, if you know what I mean, dun na ako nagdecide na umuwi.

Hindi naman nabubuntis ang lalaki diba, so it should be fine. But, it's not fine with me. It doesn't feel right. Naalala ko tuloy yung kataga nung lalaki sa c.r na 'pa-chicks' daw ako. Well, he might be right at some point. But he got me all wrong if he thought I would give a fvck...literally and that easily. Nag-apologize sakin si Allen when he sensed I was ready to leave. But instead of saying and making it look like na 'Malibog ka Allen ha!?' I chose to say, 'Drink moderately ha!?' Then laughed it off as if that scene was inexistent.

But there is this one scene na di ko ma-consider as inexistent. Kahit anong gawin ko. Yun yung pagtatanggol sakin ni Alexander sa c.r. nung minsang maabutan ako ng mga walang magawang grupo ng mga Engineering. Hindi ko alam na nandun sya so I wasn't expecting he would do so nor went so far na magpabugbog nang ganun. Kasi gagsti dre, sino ba ako sa kanya? Ano ko ba sya?

'Hindi nya ako boyfriend!' ang sabi pa nga nya diba? Loud and clear. With force and conviction. So why? Kung hahayaan mo lang yon, magsasawa rin naman sila e. Pero siguro, if I weren't so gay na magsumbong sa isang faculty but rather, kinompronta na lang yung mga yon nang mag-isa, wala sanang black eye tong isa. And probably, he wouldn't feel the need to help me. Because I don't want him to do that either.

Last na yon.

Ayoko ng magkaron ng utang na loob sa kanya. Ayoko ng ma-involve sa kanya. Kasi pagnagkaganun, bumabalik ang galit ko. Yung galit na nagmumula sa offense; yung offense na nagmumula sa expectations - yung expectations na maipaglalaban nya ako laban kay Criselle, na di nya ako ikakahiya. Ha! Yan kasi napapala ng magagaling mag-expect e.

These past days, it surprised me that Alexander was TRYING to be a nice guy. Don't get me wrong, hindi ko naman kino-consider na sobrang sama ni Alexander. He, hating me, does not make him a bad person. Just want to clear that one. Ang obvious lang kasi ng pagiging 'nice' nya. Tulad na lang sa Filipino class namin kanina. Surprise quiz. He thought na gaya pa rin ako ng dati na walang papel so, bilang magseatmate, inabutan nya ako.

'' Eto o.'' Di ako tumingin sa kanya. Sa papel.

'' Iyo na lang.'' sagot ko sabay labas ng sarili. I learned to provide what I need myself because I know, hindi sa lahat ng oras, they'll be there to provide you. May isa namang instance na may binubuhat akong karton ng office supplies (because I was asked to) at eto namang salubong nya sakin.

''Uhm, tulungan na kita.'' alok nya. Tinignan ko lang sya at pagkaraa'y nagtanong,

''Kailangan ko ba?'' I brushed myself and passed against him. But not before saying 'Hi!' to Anne, yung pinsan nya na nag-wave ng hand sakin. Di ko alam bat nya to ginagawa. Could it be he wants to make ammend? Sya itong nagsabi sakin na 'please forget me' sya rin pala nakalimot!? Well, buti na lang pala naalala ko.