More Than Friends|| J.Jk ✓

Part-57

"I care for you because i love you. I know that whatever i did before is not worth forgiving but atleast we can try. I didn't realize earlier that I love you. If I had, I would never have made that mistake. And i don't consider these things as the waste of my time because I am doing it heartedly." He said as i could feel my eyes burning from fresh tears but i gulped it away.

"Jungkook" i softly called his name.

"Please if you really love me then leave me alone. I don't want you around. After these months i realised that I fell out of love of you. I don't love you now. Maybe there is still a place in my heart for you but not as a lover or something. It's just for me to remember that you were my first love, you were the person whom i loved heartedly. The place you hold in my heart is of respect, nothing else and i don't want to remove that tiny space away." I said as i looked at him in hope that maybe this time he'll understand and believe me.

"Try to understand. I'm saying this for your own good." I said as i hold his hand and finally tears started to fill his eyes.

He hold my hand and i could feel his hand already shaking.

"W-will you s-stay happy w-without me around?" He asked as his voice cracked.

Not knowing what to say I stayed silent. What should I say? I can't say no as that would again rise hope in his heart and I can't say yes as i don't have that much courage to say that.

"Y-Y/N, say something. Your silence is giving me some other answer." He said as i looked down.

His grip on my hand loosened as he back away. He suddenly stood up. I looked up at him and noticed he was crying badly.

"I-i will order a-a cab for y-you. I'm going b-bye. Sorry for all the time i disturbed y-you and thank you for giving your l-little time to me. I promise I won't c-come around you n-now. Goodbye." He said while crying and walked towards his car.

I watched him going away by sitting there still. The hot and fierce tears rolled down my cheeks. I started to cry hard.

Why?!! Why me?!! Why didn't I die before saying all this? Why am I so helpless? Why i always hurt him like this? I'm so bad.

.........

I wipped my tears when i noticed a car standing infront of me.

Maybe this is the car Jungkook sent for me.

I got up and went towards it. I opened the door and sat inside. The car started with the loads of my thoughts. I stared outside the window.

I again lost badly. I never knew i was such a failure. I don't even know why am I alive. I don't have anything in my life. I can't tell my parents and friends anything as i know that I'll again end up hurting them.

They aren't bad or something. I'm bad more than anyone can even imagine. If I'm not happy then i can't make them sad either. I don't have any right to do that so.

Everyone cares for me but I only hurt everyone. But now i won't because I have to learn pushing people away. That will be better for them as well as me. I'm already so much guilty and I can't afford to take more. They will be more happier if they stay away from me.

"Please stop here." I said when we were about to cross Han river.

The car stopped and I got off.

"Thank you so much." I said and handed him the money but he refused to take it.

"No need mam. The ride is already paid." He said and smiled while turning on the car.

A heavy sigh escaped my mouth as i saw the car until it disappeared. I turned around and went towards the railing. Just then my eyes fell on the bar near by.

I think that's the only way i could find peace.

I went inside it and grabbed a bottle of wine. After paying for it i again went towards the railing infront of the river. I started drinking direct from the bottle.

The river looked like a crystal as the light of the moon fell on it. My eyes fell on the dog who was sleeping peacefully in the corner.

I chuckled bitterly. Even that dog is living peacefully, it's just me who is wrenching badly. I again took a big sip of drink. I took support of railing and sat on the edge of it.

This is the best way of forgetting everything. Just drown yourself in alcohol. I started moving my leg which was still in the air. I was continuously sipping on the bottle burning my throat making me feel the alcohol running down. Not after too long i started feeling my head getting heavy which means I'm getting drunk now.

I drank the whole drink in one go and threw the bottle aside. I laid down on the railing and closed my eyes.

I know it's too weird but all i hope now is to not wake up ever. I just want myself drowned in water by tomorrow. I just want to die. I know i won't be able to kill myself in consciousness because I'm not that courageous so that's why i wish to die when I'm unconscious.

To be continued......