nothing more than this | tetsurou kuroo ♡

liars

i don't feel like myself recently.

i've been walking and i only have one destination in mind. it's not my mind deciding for me, it's my legs that keep taking me.

now i'm at kenma's doorstep.

i ring the doorbell.

kenma opens the door, and he looks at me. he notices i'm still wearing my hockey attire, holding my helmet in my hands. he's questioning me.

"can i come in?" i say.

he doesn't hesitate "sure."

i step into his house. the last time i was here was when i wanted to borrow an eraser when i didn't have one. that was about a month ago.

me and kenma don't hang out as much as we did a few months ago. usually, we would hang out after hockey cause it's easier to make more plans when you're already in one.

i look around the house i used to visit as a kid and try to make conversation, "so, you've been playing video games a lot lately?"

"yeah. everyday." he says blankly, but it seems happier than his usual answers.

he continues, "i had to give a stream just to inform my viewers that i wasn't being robbed and that it was just my two best friends raiding my stream." i can't tell if he's saying that like it's a bad thing, i think it's a good thing.

"oh really?" i ask.

"yeah." and then the conversation ends for a bit.

the thought in my head was bubbling over and it was spilling all over his wooden floor. i can't bring this up to him, i'm not in the right state of mind and this conversation would probably go only one way.

i take my helmet and my bag with me and stand up, making it clear i was heading to the door.

"is there something you wanted to tell me?" he says from behind me.

i think he can tell. i mean, i could tell anytime if it was him who had something on his mind.

i stop my feet, "yeah." i say gruffly.

my body turns around and i'm faced with him, a decent distance between each other.

i take a deep breathe,

"kenma i want you to come back." i say.

the shock on his face is hard to not notice.

"to what?" he says, but he knows what i'm talking about.

"to hockey." what else have i been trying to get you back into for the past 5 months? but i don't say that part.

the look on his face went cold. it's like he doesn't even give my question a thought.

"no." he says, then he goes back to whatever he's doing on the table.

i stand there for a second in the hallway.

"you can't just run away?" my words come out harsher than i intended, but i'm getting frustrated.

"i can." he simply states.

i know i should have left. i know i shouldn't have even asked him in the first place, but i don't take no for an answer. and it's not because i'm an asshole, it's because i can see the lies on his face.

"let's be real here. you still like to play, don't you? i start walking towards him.

he was shocked from the advances, not knowing where to look when i was talking to him. i could see guilt, fear, god i don't know what else.

but he doesn't answer my question.

i continue, "are you really going to let a snake like him stop you from playing?"

kenma mouth went agape. it wasn't usual for him to be expressive at all.

"don't say that."

"say what?" i grit my teeth.

"t-that... that word." his pupils look shaky. i can see it in his eyes that he's reliving the moment, the moment that ruined everything for us.

"kenma," i question "admit it. you miss hockey, don't you?"

"i'm not answering that." he avoids eyes contact with me.

i step closer to him and he squints, banging himself onto the wall behind him. he's hurt his shoulder but he gives no reaction to it.

"you won't?" kuroo challenges him.

the small boy looks up at him and the fear on his face slowly fades away, replaced with a look kuroo can't quite place his hand on, "kuroo, i made up my mind"

kuroo braced himself for his answer already. but it wasn't true. he slowly walks back and just zones out on his face.

kenma had been lying through his teeth. he knew it himself and kuroo knew it too but they never said anything.

kenma slowly walks out of his place.

"i just don't like playing hockey anymore" he stated.

"you've been lying a lot lately" then kuroo shut the door.

kenma was facing his door now, the wind from the bang brushing his hair.

"you too."