OVERCOMING A ONGOING BATTLE OF ANOREXIA WITH GOD.

Route Causes.

📝07/06/2023.
Route causes? Yes. Because there were many!

TW: calories mentioned near the bottom.

I used to be really fat. Let me rephrase, I used to be a young liberal girl who was living her precious life care free, she was mentally forced to believe she was fat by the impact of families words.

One thing I learnt is words stain one's life like how ink stains a shirt. When trying to wash it off, it's either never erased or removed but, when looking closely a faint stain is still visible. Subsequently, the words of people stays with one forever whether it's positive or negative.

Unfortunately, some of the words I received were negative.

When I mentioned family I didn't mean parents and siblings but aunties, uncles, family friends etc.

I was inlove with food. I was a massive foodie, I didn't care what I ate, as long as it satisfied me and tasted good I'd demolish it without shame.

Plain Pizzas, melted gooey cookies, salami on toast, toasted butter bagels, milkshakes, jamaican patties, Nigerian meat pies, scotch eggs, fried rice, cinnamon swirls, everything. I loved it all. These were foods that I once loved but soon feared and despised.
I hated vegetables and fruits but soon they became the only foods I'd feel safe around- sometimes.

Linking back to family, my aunties and uncles would always call me big and too chubby telling my parents off for feeding me too much. I heard this all my life.

In 2020 I got covid really badly unfortunately leading on to me  getting a condition where I couldn't eat properly for 7 months. I obviously ate some days but would never be able to finish my meals. Once, during this span I didn't eat for a week straight. I had Youtube video where I'd try force food down but it was so hard. I didn't have an eating disorder, I had..

Parosmia.

The enemy of condition.

A condition where there's a distorted  sense of smell and taste around anything such as food, perfumes, people, WATER. Yes.
This condition made everything even pleasant scents smell horrendous and taste horrendous.

Like vomit, garbage, dirty pennies, blood.

It causes weight loss, depression, weakness and it is caused my sinus issues, head injury and COVID.

Unfortunately for me I got hit on the head by a ball and on my nose as well. Then I got COVID. So double Parosmia 👍🏾

This condition made It really hard to eat. I did find a solution to eat with nose clips later on the line so I wouldn't starve to death. I had no idea what a ED was at this point; all I knew was that I loved food and tried to do anything in able to eat it with this condition. The nose clips helped but I still wouldn't eat as much as a human should. I hated the smell of anything; when my friends would eat, I'd hide in the toilets as the smell of food was like smelling hell. No exaggeration- the smell would even cause me to shed tears. Everything smelt the same- even toothpaste.  I then had to wear nose clips everywhere I went to avoid hiding from the world people mocked me and thought I was goofing around. 

Linking back, I lost so much weight. I remember  my auntie who lived far away had invited my family to a party after not seeing them for a long time (this was during my battle with the condition that caused my decrease in weight). When my aunties and uncles saw me they were finally nice about my appearance and called me beautiful. Yes they didn't know I was going through a condition where I couldn't eat but those words were like candy to my ear. I liked being called beautiful but somehow it caused a mental effect on me making me think beautiful is skinny. I then started to believe I am prettier when slim; my jawline was sharper, cheeks a bit slimmer. I never focused on my appearance as much until I got praised.