he saved me

scared

I run down to my dad class. He was still teaching so I stand in the doorway. I decided to speak to him mentally.
"Do you have time pls, I need to calm down my urges"
His face shifted and spoke out loud.

"I'll be back in a couple of minutes. You of there. Your in charge until I get back. Don't kill anyone or break anything" my dad rushed out and takes me my hand. We walk to his dorm.

I sit down on the couch with my head in my hands. The image of the emerald witch is stuck in my head. And what about that girl?
"I'm scared" I say outloud. My hands were shaking and I felt like u wad going to break down.
My dad put on a kettle and gave me a bag of ice. I put it in my neck. It should help me calm down.
He held my other hand.
"Shh everything is okay. What happend?" Tears ran down my face.
"I-i" it was difficult to speak .

"Let's calm down first. Name 5 objects you see I'm this room" my dad asked.
That way i would be focused on finding the objects instead of what's going on in my head.

"Eeem i- the kettle..."
"That's one"
I look around the room.
"The- the pictures of us"
I pointed to the pictures we took this Christmas vacation.
"Two"
I stop and close my eyes.
"Keep going "
I open them again and try to breathe.
"The news paper"
"That's three"
I cry and let my head fall on my dad.
"I'm so scared- I-i"

He held me in his arms. He took the ice pack from my neck. And rubbed them on my forearm. Over the dark mark and my scars. The ice tingled on my skin, especially when it stayed longer into 1 spot.
It felt refreshing and eventually I calmed down. It wasn't a full panic attack yet but it sure was close.
"Can I just show you what happend?" My dad nodded and I shared the memory with him.

Once the memory was done another teat escaped my eye.
"Y/n you know it's a boggart it just shows your fear. It doesn't mean that's going to happen"
I sigh.
"I know but...I don't. I was just so scared"
My dad holds me on tighter.
"I know sweetheart"
He holds me and holds me but eventually it was time for him to go back to his class.

"You can stay here if you want" he says as he got up.
"No I have classes now. Its mcgonagall so it's fine" I smile at him and we walk out together.
"Come and get me kf there is anything okay. Use your rubber band if you need to"
I nodd and he kissed me on the head before we split our ways.

I walk in mcgonagall's class room.

"Sorry I'm late professor"
I say outloud.
"I almost had a panic attack so I needed my dad" this I said mentally.
I didn't want her to ask why infront of the whole class so I did it this way.
She nods and gives me a smile.
I sit down next to draco.
"Are you okay?" He asked ready my face.
"Yea I'm okay now. Just scared constantly" he gives me a kind smile and told me what the lesson is about.

The day went on and eventually it was dinner time.
I sat down next to Fred and lent my head on his shoulder.
He held my hand and I slowly ate my food.
"How was your day?" I ask him.
"I'm guessing better then yours" he answered with a laugh.

I sigh and hold my head in my hands.
"I'm just tired of being scared all the time. I'm just trying to live my life but then I'm reminded that I'm the emerald witch and about you know who"i say with a deep breath.

"I get what you mean. I'm just living my life when his voice pops back in my head. Or see images of sirius "
Harry answered.
"We're all here you know that right?" Hermione asked.
"Ye thanks moine"
I finished my food and walked to my dad's Chambers again. I made myself some Thea, waiting for him.

I just poured us 2 a cup when he walked in.
"I wanted some Thea and wondered if we could go for a walk later? My head is still a pretty nasty place after what happened earlier"
My dad sat down with his tea cup.
"Ofc. Want to tell me about it?" My dad asked kindly.
I pull up my book from my backpack.
"I wrote a poem about it. Multiple actual. I thought it would help put it into words"

I give ny dad the book on the right page

Fear...
Is all I feel.
Monsters is all I see.
War is all I know.
I've been fighting the Monsters in my head but they just grown.
Fear is what they eat.
But the Fear is part of me.
I'm scared of myself.
Scared of what I will be.
Monsters feed.
Until there is nothing left to eat.
I will be a shell but the Fear won't dwell.
The Monsters will grown until it becomes its own home.
Until I will be what I fear.
The monster is me.
I am what I fear.
War is what I create.
That is my faith.

(I wrote it myself hehe)

He closes the book so I know he read it. He takes a breath.
"Y/n this is really well written. I'm glad your putting your feelings into words"
He grabs my hand and I take a sip of my Thea preparing for his response
"But you are not a monster, nor will you ever be. You are y/n snape! We will get through this"
I smile at his respons.

We drink up our Thea and take a walk outside.
He held my hand and I leaned on him while walking. We had to get back since I cant be late for curfew.
"Can i sleep in your bed again?"
My dad nodded.
I went to get my pyjama.
"Why don't you just teleporte it?"
He asked as I Walk to the common room.
"I eem-i just don't want to use my powers much"
I say looking down.
"Trust yourself y/n. You know how to use them. Besides just use acio"

"Ow" I take my wand
"Acio my pyjamas"
They appear in my hand and we walk back to my dad's Chambers.

I changed In the bathroom and crawled in bed with him.
"I'm going to read a bit but you can sleep already if you like"
I smile at him
"Thanks for letting me sleep here again. Your an amazing dad and I'm so grateful for you. I love you" I gave him a kiss on the cheek and put my head on his shoulder.

"I love you too sweetheart "
He kissed me on the head as i close my eyes.