he saved me

getting help

It was almost Christmas break again.
After I lost control I've been using my powers way less. No more teleporting in and out.

I continued to sh it gives the control I need. I get to my dad's Chambers.

"I need to check your arms again" I sigh and roll my eyes.
I roll up my sleeves bc I heal ny wounds with my powers its thing i still use my powers actively for. They just turn in to scars. Bc I already have alof of scars they just blend in.

"Okay. Now tell me did you self-harm" my dad asks. He doesn't check my thighs bc i don't want to stand in my underwear. He looks me in the eyes.
"No I did not" I've been lying about the it whole time.

"Everytime you say that you look truthfully but something makes me think your lying" my dad spoke.
"What I'm not lying why would you think that"

the deeper the lie gets the harder it is to maintain.

"I want to see your thighs"
I stand in shock.
"I'm not taking my pants off." I say pissed off.
"I can ask minerva if your more comfortable with that but there is something y/n"

"No there isn't! Why don't you trust me" I snap at him.

"Bc you're still as scared as you were before you ran off. So how come that you can all of a sudden get clean without wanting to relapse?"
I knew I was getting busted but I couldn't say he was right.

"Because I don't want to live like that anymore. Yes I'm still as scared but now I know im not the only one. I have you!" I was speaking to truth well partly...I have ny dad and he makes everything a little easier but I aslo need this.

"Y/n" he let's out in a breath.
I look teary at him.
"You can tell me." He turned around the make tea.
I look up at the ceiling trying not to cry.
"I know I need help. I just don't want to be a -"
"Don't say the b word!"  My dad turned around.
"I don't know how many times I have to convince you this y/n. But you are not a burden. My daughter is not a burden"

Everyone time he calls me his daughter it still gives me a warm feeling inside.
He grabbed my face with both his hands and I just rest in them.
"Asking for help is hard. And accepting it even harder. But you are strong. Remember what I said"

I smile as a tear fell down my face.
"We are in this together " we say at the same time.

"I'm sorry dad" he held on to me tight.
I allow my self to feel his embrace.
I use my powers this Once to get the duplicated knife on the kitchen table.
My dad didn't notice yet as he still hasn't let go of me. I wanne stay here. I know I said it before. But these moments may be the heaviest but the warmest as I feel the comfort and love.

He let go of me when the kettle went off. He saw the knife on the table and looked at me.
"I had duplicated it before I gave you the actual knife "
My dad took the kettle off the furness and put the knife away.
He pourd me a cup of tea. He took a blanket and wrapped it around me. And then he took his chair and sat close to me. I  put my head on his shoulder and we occasionally took a sip off our tea.

"I don't know how to be okay without it" I say looking up at him while still laying on him.
"By doing it together" He just responded.
"That's great and all but what does that mean"
"It means that everytime something not so fun is going on in your head. You come to me. Or someone els you trust. You talk to me. And you let me help" I smile at him.

"What are you thinking about now?" He also said with a smile.
"Just that when I was passed out that my mom said you were an amazing dad for me and she's right"
He smiled back.

I drank up my tea.
"Dad?"
"Yes?"
"What if something not so fun is always going on in my head?"
He turns around forcing me to lift up my head.

"You still talk to me. Is it going on now?" I nodd my head.

We move down to the couch and my dad moved under the blanket with me.
"I just feel so guilty all the time. That everything is my fault. That Dumbledore wouldn't have died if I didn't become a death eater in the first place" my dad moved his arm around me. Laying my head om his chest.

"None of this is your fault sweetheart. You didn't choose any of this. You didn't choose to become a death eater. And albus was going to die anyway. If not by my hand by somebody else's. And if not that, he was cursed. Its not your fault"

"Still feels like that"
"Then tell the voices in your head that they are wrong"
He kissed my forehead.
"Sometimes they try to convince you're mad at me bc you had to kill albus so I wouldn't turn into a killer"

My dad looked down at me.
"Albus asked me to do it y/n. And your my daughter I will protecting from everything I can. I'm not mad at you"

"Can I stay here? I wanne stay in your arms"
"Ofc"
I stayed the whole night in his arms.
I stayed and felt his comfort. His warmth. I stayed and listened to his heart beat until I fell half asleep. I felt my dad pick me up and moved me in bed. Before laying down next to me himself.