he saved me

new headmaster

Y/n's pov:

After I helped draco madam pomfrey took him to the infirmary. Leaving me alone for a moment.

Eventho draco almost killed himself.
I needed to cut aswell.
I take out the knife again, roll up my sleeves and take out a few drags when I hear minerva on the mic,

"all students gather in the great hall"

I clean up my wounds and go into the great hall.
I see my dad standing up there next to minerva.

I speak to him
" I'm sorry I told her"
"No im glad you did. I'm sorry I ran"
"Its oke, you came back"

Everyone was emotional, minerva gives out a speech for Dumbledore death.
The teachers all share a beautiful story about him.
Minerva shares with us that we will have the week of to grief his death.
While she figures stuff out, since she will be our new head master.

I feel so conflicted. I actually don't know how to feel.
My dad had to kill his best friend. My gothmother just got the job she always wanted but only bc her friend and mentor died, but the hands of her other best friend.
Bc he didn't want that his daughter would turn into a killer.

Idk how to deal with this.
What will voldemort say.
How do I go on.

All of this in the second week of school.

~

The week passed. Time went slow.
I've been comforting my dad alot.

All I wanted was his comfort but I couldn't ask for it. Since he's the one who did it. He needs the comfort more then I do.
But I still felt like I was breaking down.

I felt so guilty about all of this.
If I didn't go to the malfoy manner and tried to save severus when he didn't need saving none of this would have happend. I wouldn't be a death eater, I wouldn't have to use my powers on anyone. And Dumbledore might have still been alive.
And most of all, my dad would be oke.

Today was the first day if classes.
I felt insanely bad sitting among my class mates knowing I'm part of the cause of Dumbledore's death.

I keep close to draco and pancy.
We have potions first.
I just kept staring at my potions knife getting distracted by it.

"Y/n?"
I look up and see draco looking at me.
"How do you cut those?" He asked about one of the ingredients for a potion we had to make.

"You don't cut, you smash them. I know the book says cut but you need to try and interpret it a little bit"
I explained.
Honestly I wasn't paying attention much and i didn't finish my potion.
It was the end of class already and my dad was looking around and checking everyone's potion.

"Very well mister malfoy "
Draco was doing better then i was.
I've been more focused on everyone else then myself.
I've been making sure my dad is oke.
I've been checking on draco so he doesn't try and attempt again.
I've also been trying to help minerva.
But I let myself fall trough the cracks.

"Miss snape?!" My dad yelled at me.
"I've asked you a question?"
"Ow sorry sir, could you repeat the question?"
I felt the whole class looking at me.
"Why isn't your potion finished"

"She helped me sir"
Draco said trying to defend me.
"Try to focus on your own cauldron next time" he said while walking away.

Class was dismissed so I started packing.
"Y/n stay for a moment" my dad asked.

"What's going on?"
"Sorry dad, I was just distracted trying to help draco. And for a matter of facts I need to get to transfigurations. I promised minerva I would help her teach" I tried to leave but my dad stopped me.

"I appreciate that your trying to help everyone. But your traumatised y/n-"
"So is the whole school"
I say before walking out.

I get to my next class, teaching so that mcgonagall can sort things out as new headmistress.
The whole day passed by, and I felt exhausted.

Taking care of everyone is killing me.
But idk how to ask for comfort.
Everyone is hurting, why should I need all the attention.

Pancy, draco and I snuck out again at night. Laying in the grass stairing at the sky.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked me
"Ye I'm fine, how about you? Did you-" I reference to sh.
"No. But you did"

What? How?

He points to blood on my sleeves.

Dammit

I just can't help it. I tried to keep it on my thighs so nobody would see. But the angry I have toward myself, towards the mark. In those moments I don't care, I just act.

"Don't say anything "
"We wont" both draco and pancy said.
"But you need to look after yourself y/n" draco went on.
I just rolled my eyes at his comment and staired back into the sky.

"Is it bad that I don't want to stop?" I turn my head to draco.
"I just, I need to have this"
He didn't respond. He just kept looking at me.
So I turned back at the sky.
"Eventually you are going to need to stop y/n"  pancy commented.

"I know, just not now. Not yet"
It felt to good to stop.

"We should go back" draco said after time kept passing by.
But i wanted to stay. I wanted to stay a little longer.
"We really should get back. Before they notice we are missing " pancy continued.
Both of them stood up.
But I stayed.

I saw the sky get darker and the stars bright, as the night went cold.
There were firefly and fairy's flying around. Until I heard someone scrape their voice.

It was mcgonagall.
I sat up, but I didn't say anything. She sat down next to me.

"Your dad is worried about you"
She said to me.
"And I'm worried about him"

"It's seems your worried about everyone execpt yourself"
I keep looking infront of me. I keep looking at the creatures of the night.
"What are you doing here all alone?"
She asked.
"I just needed air. I lost track of time. Sorry im already giving you a hard time as new headmistress" I look at minerva's kind and warm face.

"Your not. You've been helping me around alot. And I'm great full. But why do I get the feeling that your doing it out of guilt" I look away again.
"It's not your fault my dear"
Tears fill my eyes, I don't want to face my feelings. I don't want to face anyone.
But minerva redirect my sight to face her.
"It's not your fault " she repeated.
I once again break down in her arms.
She hugs me and brushes my hair as she keeps repeating herself.

"It's not your fault it's not your fault..."
But it is. Or atleast it feels that way.