he saved me

home sweet home

*the next week*

Albus granted me to be incharge of my schedule for now. The past week I only followed 2 or 3 classes. I took the rest of the time off to grief my mothers death. I still find it very difficult to find good coping mechanisms. There were times that I wanted to harm again, but severus helped me through it. And when severus wasn't there, i always had fred by my side. I still don't know how to deal with my mothers death, so severus had an idea to help.

"Step on the broom y/n"
Severus said in quit serious voice.
As I step on the back of the broom ans wrap my arms around severus for safety, I ask. " where are we going?"  We lifted up in the air and flew away from school grounds when severus answered with a smile " we are going on a road trip "

After a little while I noticed we were flying over my home town. I could see the church and the little shops I used to go too. They had this cute thrift store, I always loved it there. We even passed my preschool. I remember this one teacher mister Evans, he would alway help me whenever something happend at home. I would go to school early so I could escape my dad's wreck, and then he would wait for me and give me breakfast. Helped me clean myself up and just ve there for me. We never talked about it but I didn't need to, it didn't matter what happend he would just be there for me. My head was filled with nostalgia as I let out a small laugh. Last few years I didn't really go out much, only places I went was the supermarket or the pharmacy to get stuff for my mom. So i haven't seen this part of town in a long time.
My thoughts get broken by severus saying " we are here" .
I figured I was going to my house, well it's not really my house anymore is it. This place holds alot of dark memories, but its still my childhood.

"Severus what are we doing here"
I ask while not being sure how to feel about this.
"Well the house is going for sale, so I thought you might wanne see it again and maybe take some stuff with you for your new room. And I also hoped it would help you grief"
I imideatly jump into severus's arms after we landed, as a tear fell on my cheek. I already know this dat is going to be hard but severus is right, it might help me grief .

We stepped in the house, and everything is a mess like I expected. The kitchen was full with dirty plates and leftovers that have gone rotten. Empty alchol bottles, but weirdly enough they are all gathered in a cardboard box. As I step to dining room table, I see a note.

--------------------------------------

Hi y/n

It's mom. I'm sorry that I'm not home rn but I'm oke. I decided to go back to rehab, I wanne try to be better for you. No child should have to take care of their mother like you did. You had to grow up to quickly and I'm sorry for that. There are many things in sorry for, but it's better to talk about it irl then through a note. Atleast if you would wanne listen after everything that happend. If you wonder "why now" idrk. Maybe bc after Derek came back , your father. And after what he did to you, I released that all of this effected you aswell. I was so stuck in my own pain, I couldn't see that you were in as much pain as me, probably even worse. I will be out off rehab by Christmas vacation, then we can talk and go from there. I thought maybe we could move , start a new life. A good life .
Ily my dear and I'm sorry I never said that before.
-your mom
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I was balling my eyes out , I dropped the note to the ground and so did I. Severus came rushing to me trying to help me with my breathing. I just kept staring infront of me. "She wanted to try" I said In a high pitched voice still trying to catch my breath." She really wanted to try" severus quickly read the note and embraced me with a hug. Severus went to clean of the sofa and sat himself down, "Hey come here, im sure the couch is more comfortable then the floor" as I sat down next to him he added
" and probably cleaner too" I cuddle up to him and said " I'm not sure about that" and let out a small laugh. So did severus.
"Are you oke" he asked concerned.
I backed away from him and look deep in his eyes, as mine start to tear again.
"I think I am, it was heavy to read but I think I needed to know that. She really wanted to be a better mom. And for the first time ever she said she loved me eventho I never actually heard her say it, I feel like it's healing my inner child. Even just a little bit."

(The inner child like in a few chapters ago when y/n was in a depresif episode and snape re-enterd her mind and saw both y/n and a child version of  y/n locked in a cage)

"You think she can finnaly be set free?" Severus said( referring to child y/n trapped in a cage in y/n's mind.)
"I think that's a bit too soon, but ye maybe someday" I stood up from the couch and placed the note in my wallet, to keep as a reminder.

After I completely calmed down, we continued to walk through the house. We finally entered my room, still the same as I left it. My room isn't really age appropriate but I didn't care, I had a comfy bed and a place to store my stuff. So the fact that my covers where all pink and princessy didn't bother me so much.
" just to let you know, I was never this bubble" I said referring to the girly stuff.
" yea the only thing that looks like you is that nirvana poster" severus responded.
We looked through the room the see if there was stuff I wanted to take. But everything in that rooms doesn't feel like it's mine.
"Hey i found a photo book, maybe we can take this one with us"
Severus said while he looked through it.
"I don't think I want that. All those pictures are before my dad left us. That smiling kid in the picture your holding, was taking not longer after he raped me. And that birthday picture, mhh my dad put a knife to my moms throat bc she bought me a cake instead of bottles of vodka.  All those pictures are fake severus, I don't want to take that with me. I don't wanne take anything with me. My mom wanted to start a new life and so do I, with you. And I wanne do all the things I never did, I wanne take pictures of us laughing that are real And that isn't, I don't wanne drag that along to my new beginning. I'm sorry severus " I quickly look away to the corner of my room. Severus walked up to me and said
"oke then, a new beginning it is"