Use Me

Chapter 19

Zach's pov

Once again, I wake in Calix's room.

The sun burns into my naked skin and I groan in protest.

Why is the weather so bipolar?

Choosing to ignore it - rather than get up and close the curtains - I turn around, only to find that Calix is nowhere to be found.

My brows furrow in confusion and I rise into a sitting position. "Calix?"

Silence.

I brush off the sliver of disappointment that tugged at my heart and get up.

"Maybe she just had a class that she forgot about...", I mumble, trying to justify her sudden disappearance.

I collect my scattered clothing and make my way to my own room, heading towards the bathroom soon after.

A small gasp leaves my lips as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Holy shit.

I halt, observing my body for a moment.

Red, blue and purple at every curve and swell you can find. Hair disheveled from constant yanking and gripping. Neck covered in angry marks of her teeth.

Oddly, I liked it.

I liked having proof of the fact that her hand laid on my skin. I liked that I was once an empty canvas that she made beautiful.

I liked that she marked me.

"You're fucking delectable, you know?"

A blush gives life to my cheeks as I remember that warm, evoking voice.

Why am I so hopeless when it comes to her?

Whenever I am in her presence, I'm wary of every word I speak; every little thing I do.

It's like... I want to be perfect for her. Like I want her attention and validation more than anything else.

I trace the deepest wound on my body. My neck. Her teeth.

A sense of remembrance washes over me as I recall that I asked... no, begged her to sink her teeth into me.

"Embarrassing..."

Snapping me out of my trance, the roar of her bike comes to a halt as she switches off the engine.

I guess plans have changed. No shower for me.

Throwing on some sweats, I quickly make my way to the kitchen, swiftly switching on the kettle.

My heart races as the sound of the door opening echoes through the apartment, declaring her presence.

Stay cool, Zach. Don't be awkward. It's not like she was inside you or anything.

"Morning, beautiful."

Well, there goes my so-called composure.

"Morning...", I mumble, refusing to expose my flustered state.

I keep myself 'busy' as I continue making the cup of coffee that I totally wanted.

Faint rustling briefly fills the air before her arms suggestively wrap around my waist.

I gasp as she leans down, her breath fanning against the sensitive wound she once created.

"I want one too."

"W- what?"

She chuckles before placing a tender kiss on her mark, consequently sucking the air out of my lungs.

"Coffee."

Oh. Right.

I offer a quick nod and move to grab another cup, her grasp still secure around my body.

As I go through the exact same process that I just did, her touches start growing more firm and seductive.

"Calix...", I warn, not wanting to accidentally break something.

"Hm?", she hums, her hands dipping underneath my waistband. She kisses up and down my neck - open-mouthed, intense.

It should be illegal for her touch to feel this good.

"Wait, wait...", I pull at her arms, and she surprisingly lets me push her away.

Her eyes expectantly burn into mine as I turn around and face her.

"I- I just wanted to-"

A smile graces her features and she pats me on the shoulder as she moves to the blender.

"I know. Stop being so tense man."

An unsettling feeling rises in my throat as I offer a stiff smile and resume what I was doing.

Why would she suddenly address me like that?

And... why did it hurt me?

"Hey C?"

She perks up.

"Where were you?", I question.

She non-chalantly points to the bags on the table.

"We were running low on supplies, so I got some."

Supplies?

"So... you went to that store?"

Where he works.

"Yup. I wanted to apologise anyway."

Her brows furrow as she eyes me.

"Why do you ask?"

I purse my lips, deciding to ignore her question.

An exasperated sigh leaves her lips, "Zach."

I abruptly set down the sugar, meeting her gaze soon after. "Fine", I state firmly, praying to the gods that my voice doesn't falter.

"It hurts, you know? You pretending like absolutely nothing happened between us and immediately going to that dumb blonde."

Her face contorts into one of shock as her eyes fill with disbelief.

"Do you hear yourself? It seems you have forgotten that you're the one who came to me first."

Calm. Stoic.

Her voice is powerful when she speaks - sharp enough to cut through souls.

And just like that, I crumble.

"Fuck, Calix! Can't you see what this is about?"

I can feel my eyes grow wet with tears and I swallow as I brace myself, knowing that the words to be spoken will break me.

"I... I just...", my voice grows frail and soft as I stare into her emotionless orbs.

The eyes that have looked upon me with lust, joy and the semblance of care that I stupidly confused with that of love.

"You what? Want my love?", she scoffs, taking a step closer.

"You of all people should know that love is something far beyond what I am capable of giving. Let alone comprehend."

A silent tear runs down my cheek as I watch.

Watch the heart and vulnerability that I have presented on a silver platter get devoured by the one I obliviously gave the entire essence of my being to.

"You said it yourself, didn't you? You wanted to experiment with me."

The voice that once engulfed me in its warmth fills me with despair and bitterness as she utters these final words.

"Nothing more. Nothing less."