Mixed Feelings

Mixed feelings chapter 57: Feared

"..Is that even allowed?" questions Lo as she walks back into the living room.
"There are hundreds of people in that crowd.. I doubt that there isn't just one person recording either.. did you think that they were all going to follow the rules?" says Colt. "There are other performers up right now.. meaning, there's a chance that they'll cut the camera's off when he does-" he adds.
"Still.. he didn't give them any permission to do so.. it's just so.. unfair." says Lo as she takes a seat on the sofa.
(Colt's thoughts;) "It's annoying.. she cares too much.."
"You know.. I also have a performance.. a week after the school party." says Colt.
"T- that's so soon..!" spouts Lo as she zaps the channel away. "How do you feel about that?" she adds.
"Pretty good.. I started performing before Kam did. This'll be my third performance." admits Colt.
"If I was in your place I'd be nervous none the less.." says Lo. "When was your first performance?" she adds.
"I was 16." says Colt.
"That's.. relatively young." says Lo. "And.. how did you feel back then?" she adds.
"..Sad." says Colt.
"..How come?" questions Lo.
*silence.*
"Do you want to watch Kam's performance? ..it's probably about to start." says Colt. "Considering, it's almost 8." he adds.
"No." says Lo firmly.
"..I'm suprised by your answer." says Colt.
"It's his very first performance. I already feel horrible by not showing up, and I'd just feel worse if I watched it this way-" says Lo.
"Ha.. I see." mumbles Colt.
(Colt's thoughts;) "What am I even supposed to say to that..? 'It doesn't matter.'.. or 'It's not illegal.'?"
*Lo's phone buzzes.*
**Incoming text from Kailey;) "ARE YOU COMING HOME ANY TIME SOON?"
(Lo's text;) "Not exactly.. I'm at Colt's right now.. why?"
(Kailey's text;) "Colt's place..? hm..."
(Lo's text;) "Yea, no. We're just hanging out."
(Kailey's text;) "That's what they all say."
(Lo's text;) "Anyways.. what is it?"
(Kailey's text;) "OH, RIGHT! KAM'S ON TV!"
(Lo's text;) "Huh.. no way.. he told me that he wouldn't be aired live.."
(Kailey's text;) "**sends a picture** NOW TELL ME.. IS HE ON TV OR NOT?"
(Lo's text;) "WHAT..? HOW.. ALL OF A SUDDEN?"
(Kailey's text;) "JUST TURN THE TV ON!"
*End messages.*
"I'm switching it back to the music channel." says Lo firmly as she quickly zaps through the channels.
"..See, I knew he'd change his mind-" mumbles Colt.
*Lo brightly smiles.*
(Colt's thoughts;) "She.. looks happy for him. Would she also smile like that if I was standing there..?"
*Meanwhile.*
"LOOK AT THE GIANT SCREEN, DEVON! ..HE'S LIVE!" spouts Jay.
"We're backstage, dummy.. you can clearly be seen as well and you look ignorant right now.. it looks like you're watching yourself." says Gunner as he folds his arms.
"We should run onto stage at the last song!" spouts Devon.
"No. Don't ruin this for him, if he wants us to join him on stage, we will." says Ty.
"Exactly, let's just cheer him on right here. We're standing about 10 meters away from him anyways." says Gunner. "So, you'd better not think of pulling any stupid stunts-" he adds.
"Who do you think we are-" spouts Devon.
"Idiots." says Gunner firmly.
*3 minutes later.*
"DAMN IT.. I FORGOT TO RECORD IT..! ..YEA, I'LL MAKE SURE TO RECORD THE NEXT ONE!" spouts Lo as she quickly reaches for her phone.
"Make sure you save enough storage for mine as well." says Colt almost immediately. "They'll most likely upload his performance onto social media anyways.." he adds.
"Are you perhaps.. jealous?" questions Lo.
"What..?" says Colt.
"I'm just kidding. You'll have your own performance sooner than later and I'll make sure to cheer you on as well!" spouts Lo with a bright smile on her face.
*silence.*
(Colt's thoughts;) "..Is she just being nice..?"
"..I'm glad you care.. that's all." says Colt. "I appreciate it.. Lo." he adds.
(Lo's thoughts;) "He barely calls me by my name.. but whenever he does.. I just can't help but freeze up.."
"Y- ..yea..! of course.. anything for a good-" says Lo.
(Colt's thoughts;) "..A good what-"
*Meanwhile.*
"Friend.. this one is dedicated to a.. special friend of mine.. it's a song that I've been working on for quite a while now, and I've finally managed to finish.. well, I wouldn't call it 'finished' to be exact.. but, I think I'm ready to let it be heard by.. possibly the entire world right now." says Kameron firmly as he backs up from the microphone.
"He's.. going for feared right now." says Ty.
"How do you know?" questions Jay.
"Did you forget that he was supposed to choose 3 songs in total? ..he mentioned that he was saving this song as his last." says Ty.
"Since he wrote it for someone.. eventhough you two easily forget about most things.. I'm certain that you still know who this song is dedicated to.. right?" questions Gunner girmly.
"Oh.." mumbles Jay as he looks over at Devon.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" questions Devon.
*Meanwhile.*
(Lo's thoughts;) "..Why does most of the lyrics sound so.."
*Lo turns up the volume.*
(Colt's thoughts;) "..No doubt, he definitely wrote this for-"
"I- ..I told him this.." says Lo as she starts to tear up.
(Lo's thoughts;) "I knew it sounded familiar.. No way.. he remembers all of that.. I thought that after all those years.. the bad memories would distract him from all of the good memories we had made.. but that was never the case."
*Lo hides her face into the palms of her hands.*
(Lo's thoughts;) "..Yea, I.. I still wish that I'd have the power to be able to read minds.. these lyrics.. he's kept all his feelings deep inside.. it makes me think.. did he care more than I thought he did..?"
"KAMERON, YOU IDIOT!" spouts Lo.
*Colt turns off the TV.*
"You.. idiot." repeats Lo calmly as she sniffles through her words.
*Meanwhile on stage.*
"When she said it was better to be feared than loved." says Kameron before ending the song.
(Kameron's thoughts;) "..How am I supposed to explain this.. what if she watched and remembered where all of the lyrics came from.."
*Kameron's flashback (Chapter 56)*
"I'm glad you feel that way..!" spouts Lo with a bright smile on her face. "Are you sure that you don't want to be on TV?" she adds.
"I'd rather not take the risk, since my parents.. don't know about all of this.. yet." admits Kameron. "Of course, I'd want to tell them about all of the stuff that's going on but.. I need time." he adds.
"I understand.. it would be a lot to take in.. I mean.. their son is a rapper.. and a great song writer..!" spouts Lo.
*End flashback.*
(Kameron's thoughts;) "Maybe.. it wouldn't be so bad if she does remember.."
*Kameron walks back to the microphone.*
"THANK YOU FOR LISTENING! ..I recently had finished my second album. Go ahead and check that out. I'd really appreciate the support, and I'll be sure to keep it coming!" spouts Kameron before walking off stage.