Chapter 101
December 6/2022
Dear Deary,
"I wonder if fears ever really go away, or if they just lose their power over us."
Veronica Roth
"Allegiant"
Can our fears really die and never bother us again?
Each of us is afraid of something, and we all struggle with our fears. But some fears never go away, they just lose their power over us.
I am a lover of the night, but even I was afraid of pitch darkness for a long time, in which there was not even a drop of light. It sounds strange because as a teenager I hid from the world in a closet with a player. But after the war started, I got used to complete darkness. But I'm still not sure that this fear has completely died. It will sound strange, but I am not afraid of the dark as such, I am afraid of what may be hidden in it. I was afraid of possible monsters in the dark because of my imagination, and this will seems like nonsense, but in the dark there can really be monsters. Not fictional monsters, but real ones, and these monsters are people. Murderers, maniacs and others, they defame the beauty of the night. Of course, there are no monsters in a dark hallway or under your bed, but that doesn't mean they can't spawn there. Don't scare the kids with monsters under the bed, it's a terrible feeling to be afraid of what might be lurking in the dark or flinch at the rustle of tree branches rushing through the window. Do not scare children like this, because monsters are real, and fear can not always save life.
I'm not sure how many fears I have, but there is one that still has some power over me, albeit a weak one. Height. Sometimes heights scare me, and sometimes not, and so since childhood. There were periods in my childhood when I could easily climb a tall walnut tree and I was not at all afraid, but there were also moments when a request to ride a Ferris wheel turned into my hysteria due to fear. I have struggled with this fear all my life, and now it is not so strong, but this fear still has power over me. This fear no longer makes me hysterical, but there are moments when you look down from a height and a shiver runs through your skin and you want to take at least one step back from the abyss so as not to see how far and long you can fall down if you stumble. There is a theory that we are afraid of what we died from in a past life. It may sound strange, but it seems very realistic to me, because I am one of those who like to believe that our soul is reborn in new bodies, the only pity is that we cannot remember all our previous lives like in the movie "Infinite" (2021). I would like to remember my previous lives (if they were of course), to know who I was, what I looked like, what I did, what my character was, whether I met the love of my whole life that I lived then.
