Chapter 15
May 21/2022
Dear Deary,
"Per aspera ad astra." — "Through hardship to the stars."
Today I'm twenty-two, I can't believe it.
I remember at the age of six, I dreamed of becoming an actress and singer, being part of the creative world, inspiring people with my work and evoking feelings and emotions in them.
To be honest, I still dream of becoming an actress, although this is an unrealistic dream.
But today I am twenty-two years old, I have become a writer and create new worlds. It's even strange, I never dreamed of being a writer, and now I can't imagine my life without it, no matter how it develops in the future.
But one day the words of my school teacher in Ukrainian language and literature changed a lot for me. I remember how she said that I write better than anyone in the class and that was enough to start writing, although it’s still not clear to me why I started with poetry because I like writing novels and science fiction much more. I know I'm not the best writer, but I hope that one day at least someone will like my books.
Of course, I want to get some benefit from all this, but I doubt that this is possible, because if nothing comes of it, I think that I will not be so upset, although knowing my nature I will still be upset, but I will not stop.
I'm used to being a failure, because no matter what I do, I always remain her, even though it hurts. But books are my outlet, part of my soul, my hope for the best, my salvation.
I know that this day is no better than the rest of my birthdays. They are all unsuccessful. They forget about me, they bring me to tears. It has always been so.
Who knows, maybe one day, at least once in my life, I will be happy on this day, but all twenty-two such days pass unsuccessfully, you stop believing in it.
I generally stop believing in many things, probably the only thing that is unshakable in me is faith in God, and there are reasons for this, because he really helped me in some of my requests. This is the only thing I will believe in until the end. Although I basically always bring things to the end, this still does not mean that it brings me fame and some pluses. No, I'm still a loser, but I keep doing it. Who knows, maybe this is how it should be?
