The Intertwined Fate (Serendipity Series #1) COMPLETED

37 - Misery

May 2021

"Luke Guevarra?" I asked, confirming if the person in front of me looking awfully drunk is him. He can't be serious! He is barely standing on his own. He was leaning on the wall beside the door. And the smell of alcohol is too much!

I looked around to see if he was with someone but there was no one in the corridor! Lumabas ako ng unit para tignan siya nang maayos. But he can't make his eyes focus on me. "Luke," I called him and he rose his head.

"What are you doing here? And alone? How did you get here? And wait, did you - ?" I stopped when he touched my cheeks with his hand.

"It's you, Celestine," he said, almost gibberish and whisper. His eyes were dropping but he still managed to give me a smile... as if... he was glad that it was me who called me. I immediately scolded my heart for reacting.

I brought down his hand and helped him stand on his own before bringing him inside my unit. Tatawagain ko na lang si Aris mamaya para masundo siya. He shouldn't be here. He should not have come here.

I dropped him on my couch to get him a glass of water but as I was about to leave, he grabbed my hand. I looked at him and waited for him to say something. But he was just staring at me intently... until a tear fell, followed by another.

I gasped and leaned to him to wipe away his tears. "Luke..."

"Why can't we be together? Tell me, 'cause I don't understand any. I waited for you to be healed from your pain. I let you go years ago to be free from pain. But the truth is, I knew I was just making it up because I wanted you to be mine again. I thought if you could heal then... then... we can be together again."

"Luke..."

"I don't understand where did it go wrong. Should I have just held on to you? Would it change anything? If I were more desperate than you, would our fate change? You are now free... but I'm caged."

My chest hurt from every word that Luke says. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang tumayo siya para harapin ako. "Why don't they ask me? Why is no one asking me? Why can't you ask me?" His voice broke in the end.

"I'll tell you, Celestine... I'm having a hard time. It wasn't just you in this miserable life. I... I'm still a human. I get tired too. And I feel like I've never been so tired in my life by constantly suppressing my feelings for you." Then he chuckled. I looked at him and I saw his tears falling still. He chuckled with tears in his eyes. And that was the worst kind of expression a person could make.

"Luke..." I called as I covered my mouth to avoid making the noise of my cries.

"Right... right. I can't have these damned feelings for you because I'm engaged to marry. I know that. I know that!" His voice raised and I saw the pain on his face. "But... what can I do? If every fiber of my being screamed for you.If every bit of my being wanted to be with you. If every part of me knows that it was you who I wanted to be with."

He rose his hand and slowly made its way to my face. "My beautiful Celestine... how can you hurt me like this?" I swallowed the lump in my throat and let my tears fall. My chest is constricting in pain as I look at him.

I'm sorry, Luke.

"Can't we be just together? Huh? Let's run away, Celestine."

To say the word yes is so easy. I could see myself saying yes to his invitation. I could hear the thump in my chest. The voice in my head is getting louder, shouting the word he wanted to hear. But saying yes would mean being selfish in the life that awaits him.

I closed my eyes to remind myself not to waver. I have to stand firm on my decision. I can't back down now. No matter how great the temptation is to be with him, I refuse to drag him down in my life.

I only opened my eyes when my mind tightened the guarding in my heart. Luke was still looking at me with his begging eyes. And I forced myself to speak up by clenching my fist on the side.

"I can't, Luke. And I don't want to," I brutally declared.

"Even with the knowledge that if I can't be with you... then I have to marry someone else? That I have to be with that person? That I have to live with that person? That I have to be with someone who isn't you? You want me... to do all that?"

"Simoune isn't just someone, Luke. She... she is the person you will marry!" I insisted. "She... has the capabilities to save you which I don't. She was there when you needed someone and I wasn't there. She has everything that I don't... and she's everything that I'm not."

I saw how his eyes widened as if he finally put the pieces together. Then he stepped back. "Is that... the reason why you are pushing me to her?" He asked and I wasn't able to find my voice. He figured it out. "Tell me! Was that the reason why you took this path? The path away from me?"

I bit my lip and looked away from him. But he stopped it by moving his hand to my jaw. "Oh no, you won't avert your eyes from me. Not when I'm not done yet."

"Celestine, you have me! Why did you even think you have nothing? I am yours, Celestine. That never changed. So what if Simoune has the riches? I don't care about that. We can forget about that."

"I can't, Luke," I answered. "I can't live happily with you knowing the misery I brought into your life. I can't live a single day with you knowing I brought you down with me. I can't do that to you and I will never do that to you."

He sighed. "So... you would rather have me married instead of suffering with you?" I nodded, without hesitation to make him see... and to remind myself of my decision.

His jaw clenched and for a moment, I saw resignation in his eyes. Because he knew how stubborn I am. But it wasn't just my stubbornness. It was a resolve I made that I will be proud of myself, of what I've made myself of. It just so happen that the timing between us was never right.

He looked at me before leaning his forehead into mine. "I know I cannot change your decision but just remember, I tried, Celestine. Until this very moment, I tried. But... this is the limit of my understanding of your decisions."

I closed my eyes as I waited for his last words of goodbye to me... just like what happened to us years ago. "One last, Celestine. Say it and I promise I'll take care of everything..."

I tightened the clench of my fist on the side and tried to calm my ragged breathing. And a tear fell from my eye as I say the words he should hear.