The Intertwined Fate (Serendipity Series #1) COMPLETED

04 - Guilt

February 2019

The only sound I could hear was the clanking of the utensils on our dining table. When Dad finished his food, hinanda ko na ang sarili ko sa maririnig. It wasn't new to me anymore - their disappointment in me didn't matter anymore.

"You entered our home, does it mean you have high grades, Celestine?" I put down my utensils and raised my head to face my Dad.

"I ranked the highest," I answered. "Average of ninety-seven," dugtong ko pa.

He shook his head. "Not enough. That won't secure you a spot for Latin Honor especially with devil-like records the past years," Dad sternly said.

I looked down at my barely-eaten food and took a deep breath. Why did I bother justifying my claim anyway? Alam ko naman na hindi iyon magiging sapat para sa kanila. After all, I'm just a huge disappointment and shame to them.

"Ninety-seven? That's high, Dad!" Ate Lian exclaimed, breaking the tension around us.

"Liandra," saway ni Dad sa kaniya.

Ate Lian shrugged her shoulders. "Dad, don't be like that to Cian. You already took Lucian from her, don't you think you should at least give her a break?"

"No! She should give me a break! Have you forgotten the disgrace she brought to our family that night? Have you forgotten that she is the reason why you had to cover her issue with yours?"

"Luis," Mom called to stop him and glanced at Ate Lian's husband, Kuya Sandro. Dad glared at me before standing up and leaving the dining table. Mom stood up as well to follow Dad upstairs kaya naiwan kami nila Ate Lian sa table.

I could hear them whispering to one another kaya tumayo na din ako. I gave Kuya Sandro a weak smile when our eyes met. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko parin siya makausap dahil pakiramdam ko sobrang laki ng kasalanan ko sa kanilang dalawa.

I went to Lucian's room. Sakto namang kakalabas lang ng maid, siguro pinakain siya ng dinner. Pagkapasok ko ay nakita kong nakaupo siya sa crib kaya naman binuhat ko siya bago umupo sa bakanteng kama doon.

"Hello baby," I whispered and played our noses together.

When I heard his giggle, I felt like all my problems disappeared and the heaviness in my shoulders was lifted. I slowly wiped away the tears that fell on his face as I stared at him. Sometimes, I see myself on him pero habang tumatagal ay nawawala ang itsura ko sa kaniya. He is slowly becoming someone familiar to me. Don't tell me, he has his father's face?

"Where is she? Is she inside?" Narinig kong boses ni Dad sa labas. Humigpit ang yakap ko kay Lucian dahil alam ko na ang susunod na mangyayari.

The door opened and it revealed my father. "Dad, please, you promised me," I said as I stood up and took a step away from him.

"Drea, take Lucian from her," Dad ordered and I begged my Mom with my eyes.

"We'll just calm your Dad a bit, Celestine, hmm?" I bit my lip as I gave Lucian to my Mom.

When Mom left the room, I was alone with my Dad. I know he won't hurt me physically but sometimes it scared me that one day, he would just hit me because of too much pent-up anger.

"Leave, Celestine," malamig na sabi nito sa akin. "I'd rather have you thrown out than make Sandro listen to our arguments the whole time you are here."

"Then I won't show myself to you!" I bargained and took a step towards him. "I... I won't dine with you and keep myself inside the room with Lucian. It's only for two days, Dad. Hindi ba pwede iyon? I... I haven't seen Luc for days now and I'm... I'm trying my best to stay on top."

I don't know if my eyes were playing with me but I saw how his eyes softened for a second before he clenched his jaw and avoided my gaze. "You can't stay with Luc, Celestine."

"W-why... that wasn't part of our promise, Dad."

He took a deep breath before looking me in the eyes. "Your sister is pregnant and she is fond of Luc at the moment. Now, if you have any ounce of guilt towards her, leave. I'll call you... I'll call you, Celestine, when you can see Luc," he said before leaving alone.

I just found myself driving back to my unit without even seeing Luc. I feel frustrated because there is nothing I could do. It was a checkmate for me, I got no moves left. And I feel sorry for Lucian for having me as his mother because he doesn't deserve this kind of messed-up family.

Instead of driving straight to the condo, I turned my car around and headed towards the nearest club in the city. I just need a few drinks to comfort myself. I thought I was already used to this kind of pain of being left behind, hindi pa pala. Because every time they make me feel worthless, the wounds they inflicted on me just got deeper.

Strobe lights and loud music are what welcomed me the moment I entered the club. Dumiretso na ako sa bar at umupo doon. I was busy looking at the people around me. Some were dancing like it was their last night while some grind their hips to their partners. It was like deja vu for me, the only difference is that I am watching on the side and not doing what they are doing right now.

"Your drink, Miss?" Inalis ko ang tingin sa dancefloor nang magsalita ang bartender sa harap ko.

I smiled at him and placed my card on the table. "Margarita please, thank you."

Tumango ito sa akin at tumalikod para gawin ang order ko. My eyes went back to the dance floor. The scene makes me want to dance... but I know better. I learned my lesson well so I'd rather stay put in this chair and not make any mistakes.

"Ohh, you actually have the guts to party kahit na tambak ka sa plates, iba ka rin," dinig ko sa tabi ko bago tinanggap ang inumin ko.

I felt the seat beside me moved kaya alam ko na agad na may umupo sa likod ng inuupuan ko. I continued drinking leisurely dahil wala naman akong balak magpakalasing. Despite the loud music that was playing in the background ay dinig ko parin ang usapan nila.

"I can finish that tomorrow," the man said beside me.

I pretended not to listen to their conversation kahit na wala lang naman talaga akong choice kundi makinig dahil malapit sila sa akin. If only I could turn off my heading ability, I would. Wala naman akong pakialam sa usapan nila.

"And you're here because? You don't like the club scene, bro, kaya alam kong may ibang dahilan bakit ka nandito."

The man beside me heavily sighed. I can hear his frustration from where I was sitting. "She's pregnant."

"Then the more you should stay away from her. Man, she has her own family now. You better don't do anything, your life is already fucked up, don't make it worse."

Well, same here. I smirked and finished my drink before leaving the club.