The Intertwined Fate (Serendipity Series #1) COMPLETED

33 - Lost

April 2019 (Trigger Warning: Death)

As always, I ran away. It is something I've been good at doing for the past year. I didn't even have the heart to look back at Luke because his words are enough to sway me, what more if I see him once again on his knees?

I don't deserve this man. No matter how much I wanted to be deserving for him... I just... won't be.

I hailed a cab and asked the driver to take me back to the airport. I already have my ticket with me, prepared beforehand. I've seen this coming and I knew myself.

The moment I settled, I took the courage to open my phone while waiting for the departure. My brows furrowed as I received several messages and calls from Ate Lian. She literally occupied my inbox and call log that I can't help to feel nervous.

Where are you?

Celestine, answer the phone.

Ciandra, it's urgent! Pick up your damn phone. It's about Lucian.

Please, Cian. He needs you. Right now.

I don't know where the fuck you are right now but as soon as you received my messages, call me.

I was about to call her but the person in charge stopped and told me that we are about to take off. My heart is racing from Ate Lian's messages. It wanted to make this flight short as possible. I need to know what is going on. I refuse to acknowledge that something bad happened to Lucian.

When the plane landed, I hurried to leave and make a call. But Ate Lian wasn't answering that I had to check her location, hoping that it is where she is. But she's in the hospital.

That made me nervous even more. Fuck. I'm so done with the hospital! I don't even want to step in there again. I tried to call Ate Lian again but she's not answering. I was left with no choice.

Hailed a cab and asked him to take me to the hospital where Ate Lian is. As I entered, I went straight to pediatrics room of the hospital. Ate Lian is there, leaning on the wall. I slowly walked and noticed the exhaustion in her face. My heart beats faster as I recalled this situation a month ago.

"Liandra, Cian is here," I heard Kuya Sandro's voice from behind but my eyes remained on my sister.

She raised her head and found my eyes. It was cold, the way she looks at me. It was a mixture of hatred and disappointment. She fixed her posture and went to my direction.

Everything happened so fast that I just found my head leaned sideways with my cheeks burning in pain. Then I heard Kuya Sandro's voice, trying to stop Ate Lian from hitting me again.

"You're finally here, huh. You have the fucking decency to show yourself here? How dare you?" Ate Lian sneered while trying to break away from Kiya Sandro's hold.

"Where is Luc?" I asked. "Ate, where is Luc?" I bravely asked even when her eyes shout nothing but hatred.

"Liandra, calm down, alright? She didn't know anything," Kuya Sandro said.

"She fucking knew about Lucian's illness, Sandro," she replied before turning to me again. "She knew but didn't have any care for Lucian."

"That's not true!"

"Really? Then where were you when he needed you the most? Where were you when he was drawing his last breath? Where were you when he was closing his eyes?" Ate Lian's tears fell. "You weren't there, Ciandra! He waited for you! Lucian waited for you! Even when he was struggling to breathe, he waited! He waited for his mom!"

My vision blurred with tears forming in my eyes as I listened to her. "But... you weren't there, Cian." I tried opening my mouth to speak and ask but no words came out. Tears fell and my breathing ragged. It was like Dad all over again. I staggered back as I internalize everything.

"No... No!" I advanced to Ate Lian and shook her body. She's lying! She's just mad because I wasn't answering her calls. She's just making it up! There's no way... Lucian...

Ate Lian looked me straight in the eyes. "You don't get to cry, Ciandra. Not when you weren't even a mother to him."

"Ate Lian..."

"What? You think you being a mother ends with giving birth to him and giving him milk for the first month? No, Ciandra! That baby grows up every single fucking day! It doesn't end there!"

Umiling ako sa kaniya at halos lumuhodna sa harap niya. "I-I know I wasn't a good mom to Lucian and I'm not giving any excuses for that. B-but... I deserve to know the truth, Ate Lian. Please..."

"What part didn't you understand? He's gone, Ciandra, if that intelligent mind of yours didn't get what I said earlier. Lucian is gone. His heart stopped beating because of a complication."

"I-I..." I grabbed my hair in frustration and averted my gaze from her. And it landed on Luke's.

My eyes widened. I was about to take a step towards him when Ate Lian spoke. "Until now, you're choosing him over your dead child, Ciandra Celestine?"

"He shouldn't be here, Ate. I..."

"Luke!" Ate Lian called. "I'm tired of your little family drama, Ciandra. Dad's gone, Mom... I don't know. And I'm barely hanging, Ciandra. I can only handle so much pain. I... I'm also a human, Cian. I'm not just a daughter, or a sister, or an aunt."

Ate Lian was... right. She is the eldest that I... unconsciously depended on her, especially the recent weeks. I expected her to handle everything because she was my older sister. I gave her all the responsibility during Dad's wake and a funeral because Mom is a mess. She even took the responsibility of being a Mom to Lucian when it should have been me.

Just because I can't.

And that made me feel ashamed that I can't help but look down.  Then Ate looked at the person behind me while my head hang low. "I hate to be the bearer of the news but I guess that's my role for the past weeks. The doctor will be handing you a document that contains the details of your son's death. Now is your time to become parents, Luke and Cian. At least, let Lucian feel he has one... for the last time."

My heart sank. It was her last words before she left with Kiya Sandro on her side, leaving me with Luke in the waiting room. It felt like an eternity before the doctor handed us the document... and apologized for our loss.

It was then it sink in. The moment I read the words 'Death Certificate' my heart broke into pieces. It was real. Lucian... my baby is gone.

What Ate Lian said, came into my mind. I don't deserve to cry for giving my son nothing but a nightmare. That poor kid lived a short and lonely life just because his mother gave birth to him despite being unstable and unprepared for what was about to happen.

He was the one who suffered the most. Not me, not Luke. It was Lucian who carried all the burden of his parents even when it wasn't his choice to be born. It was my choice yet the choice I made only gave him pain.

I am the one to be blamed for everything because it was my choice to bring him into this world. It was my choice to let him live without knowing anything about giving life. It was my choice to become a mother even not knowing how to live one. It was my choice to have him in my arms as if I know how to care for someone else.

"Why, Celestine?"