The Intertwined Fate (Serendipity Series #1) COMPLETED

17 - Lucian

March 2019

Hindi ako sumagot sa kaniya at tinignan lang siya. I don't even know how to answer his answer because that emotion... is not clear to me yet. Sure, I can admit that I'm starting to feel things for him, that's why I was letting him get close to him... that's why I'm spending time with him.

But it doesn't mean I can admit that I love him. That emotion is too mysterious and too dangerous. I don't want to put my foot on something unknown. I want to be sure so that when I take a step and make a move, I won't hesitate.

When Lucas didn't hear anything from me, he stepped aside. Binuksan ko ang pinto nang sasakyan ko bago hinarap siya ulit. "I'll go ahead, then?"

"Yeah, sure. Take care, Celestine," Lucas said. Tumango ako sa kaniya bago umalis para umuwi.

I bit my lip in anticipation as I neared our home. Unang sumalubong sa akin si Ate Lian. She has that serious look on her face kaya napahinto ako. Ate Lian rarely gets mad, especially to me.

"I don't want to say this," Ate Lian started. "But I will still do," she said before looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. "I know Lucian's dad is back and you are probably meeting one another. I'm also aware you are busy with your studies, I understand all that. But how could you not even call even once to check up on Lucian?"

Napaawang ang labi ko sa sinabi niya. I was lost for words to say because... I'm guilty. It's true that I got busy with my studies but that doesn't excuse my lack of care for my son. It... didn't even occur to me... what kind of mom I am?

"Cian, I know you are still young for this kind of responsibility but you have to be accountable for your actions. Don't do that to Lucian, he is just a kid... a kid that needs his mother. Baka nakakalimutan mo na nanay ka niya, I just want to remind you of that," Ate Lian coldly said before heading upstairs.

I slowly made my way upstairs and twisted the knob. Pumasok ako sa loob at nakitang nakaupo si Lucian sa crib niya at nilalaro ang mga stuff toy na nakakalat doon. He... looked so lonely. Napaluha ako habang tinitignan siya. I'm such a bad mom.

When he looked up, he saw me. He smiled at me and raised his arms kaya naman lumapit na ako para mabuhat siya. He cupped my face and smiled at me. "I'm sorry, my baby," I whispered, looking into his eyes.

Napatingin ako nang biglang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok ang isang maid. "Ah, nandito po pala kayo Ma'am. Bibihisan ko lang po sana si Lucian, may check up po kasi."

"Check up? May nangyari ba?"

Umiling ito sa akin. "Annual check up po."

Bumuntong hininga ako at sinabing ako na ang magbibihis kay Lucian. Tumango naman ito at hindi na nagpilit pa bago binigay sa akin ang shorts and shirt. Inihiga ko siya sa bed na inuupuan ko at binihisan.

He was smiling the whole time I was dressing him up kaya mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ko. I know he misses me and I know he needs me more than anyone in this house.

"You're happy, Luc?" Tanong ko sa anak ko.

"Oh you're here?" Napaangat ako at nakita si Mom katabi ng maid. Mukhang kakaakyat lang niya dito. "And Lucian's not crying? That's new."

Nang matapos bihisan si Lucian ay binuhat ko ulit ito. "Ako na lang po ang aalis, Mom."

"Will you be alright? Isama mo na lang ang baby sitter ni Lucian para may katulong ka sa pag-aalaga." Tumango ako sa sinabi niya at tinanguan ang maid na sa tingin ko ay siyang baby sitter ni Lucian.

Hindi na ako nagbihis at dumiretso na kami sa sasakyan. "What's your name?" Tanong ko at hinayaan si Lucian na paglaruan ang buhok ko.

"Tessa po," nahihiyang sabi nito sa akin kaya ngumiti ako sa kaniya.

"Is taking care of Luc difficult?" I asked. It feels weird asking this when I am Lucian's mom. That's when I really saw how indifferent I am to Lucian.

Umiling si Tessa sa akin. "Hindi naman po. Pero may mga oras po na palagi na lang siyang umiiyak at hindi ko malaman ang dahilan. Iniisip ko na lang na baka hindi makatulog nang maayos kaya umiiyak."

When a baby cries, it means it wants something. Their cries are an indication of what they are feeling. I wonder what's wrong with Lucian. It makes me uneasy.

Pagdating namin sa hospital ay dumiretso kami sa pedia ni Lucian. She looked shocked to see me because she probably didn't know my existence in Lucian's life.

"You are Lucian's?"

I gulped before answering. "Mom," I answered.

The Pedia snickered. "Lucky boy, he has a lot of Mom," she commented before motioning to us the seat. I chose to ignore her comment about Lucian having a lot of Mom.

"It's his annual check-up, yes?" Tumango ako. "He still can't speak?"

Umiling ako. "Not even a syllable."

The Pedia sighed and looked at Lucian in my lap. "It's kind of disturbing, considering his age. He is two, going three. He should have at least been able to mutter a syllable or even an incoherent word," she said and looked at me. "But a lot of kids start their verbal communication late."

"He came... a bit early than my due when I gave birth to him. Is this somewhat the cause?"

"Hmmm, not really. As I said, there are really some kids who develop their verbal skills late. But that should be your least concern because I'm more worried about Lucian's heart, Mrs. Guevarra."

I bit my lip and held Lucian's in my hand. "It's too early to tell, to be honest. But I'm afraid we have to look after his heart. His results are telling me that we will face some complications in the future."

"Can't you treat him now? Shouldn't we... p-prevent it now from happening?"

She nodded. "We will, slowly. As you said, you gave birth to him early, meaning his body is not ready for any life-threatening cure. We could only do everything we can to strengthen his health and prepare it for the future."

"Mrs. Guevarra, I know you are scared, but not is the time to be weak for your child. You have to be strong for him so he could fight as well," I nodded and wiped away the tears that fell from my eyes.

The Pedia gave me a comforting smile and nodded. "I'll prescribe vitamins for Lucian. We still can't be sure of what will happen so if you ever observe that he is having a hard time breathing, please rush him here. Because the only we could do for now is to strengthen his health as we wait for the time to examine him thoroughly."

Tumango ako sa Pedia at tumayo. I made Lucian wake his hand at his doctor before leaving. I told Tessa to buy the prescribed medicine while I wait in the garden of the hospital. Buhat-buhat ko parin si Lucian habang naglalakad.

But I stopped my tracks when my eyes met someone.